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DS’s weight has ballooned since he started secondary school and I’m worried about him.

93 replies

Suchaquandry · 28/01/2022 14:59

DS is 12 next month and he started secondary school in September. He has always been slim although admittedly did gain some weight during the first lockdown because we rarely left the house (I was pregnant at the time and terrified). I did make him and DD’s do Joe Wicks, laps around the garden, trampolining and yoga YouTube videos but I noticed he’d never put as much effort in as his sister’s so I doubt he burnt as many calories.

Anyway, they returned to school and he lost weight fairly quickly. Partly because we almost always walked home from school (1.8 mile walk) and partly because he couldn’t snack during the day I guess! All fine until he started secondary in September. He no longer walks home because it’s 3 miles away so an hour’s walk and I don’t feel right asking him to do this when it’s cold and dark (he also won’t take a coat to school because there’s no lockers and he doesn’t want to lug it around). DH drops him in the morning and has started dropping him about 15 minutes away so he gets some exercise. He gets the bus home. He does PE twice a week but he doesn’t enjoy sports at all and I doubt he puts much effort in. We have started C25K together this week which he hates but I’ll persevere. He’s also started going to a junior gym session on a Sunday and I’m doing junior park run with him and DD’s to try encouraging him. We usually go on a family walk at the weekend too. That’s the exercise situation.

Diet wise I don’t buy crap snacks anymore at all so pretty much everything in the house is healthy. He does have an issue with portion control though. I serve dinner up so that’s not an issue but he wakes much earlier than anyone else so gets his own breakfast. We only have healthy options but he piles his bowl full until it’s almost spilling over the sides. He also literally spoons mounds of peanut butter onto his toast for example. I’ve told him it’s unacceptable and showed him how much he should be having but he rolled his eyes and thought I was getting on at him. We always have a healthy evening meal fwiw aside from the odd time we’ll have take out or pizza but that isn’t often at all.

My biggest concern with his diet is what he’s eating at school. I no longer have control over this, I used to choose his dinner on the app in primary school or I’d send him with a packed lunch but this isn’t an option now and he isn’t making great choices at all. He has pizza at least twice a week and a cheese or egg sandwich the rest of the week with cake and custard for dessert every single day. He also gets a snack every break time which is a Belgian waffle or toast. The toast may not sound so bad until you hear the fact he puts syrup on top! I’ve asked him to get healthier options because I refuse to believe they don’t have a healthy dessert option for example but he said they only have muesli and he’s not getting that because nobody does and everyone would think he was a weirdo Hmm.

He’s about a stone overweight and I’m worried about his fitness levels. He used to be very fit but now he’s puffing and panting with little exertion. He’s also in 14-15 years clothing, he is quite tall (5 ft 4) but this is a bit crazy, it really shows around his middle in particular. None of us have a weight problem so this is new to me and I’m just looking for some general advice really.

OP posts:
Cameleongirl · 28/01/2022 17:16

@Fujimora. I’m certainly not minimizing weight gain, just sharing my experience of children about to go through puberty. I raised concern about DD’s weight at 12/13 to our doctor and she was adamant that we mustn’t make an big issue of it, as this is the prime time for eating disorders to develop. In both girls and boys. The last thing the OP wants is for DS to start binging and purging, for example.

ChirpyChirp · 28/01/2022 17:22

I'm laughing at all the posters saying the OP's son is short because their 12 year old is 6ft 5 Grin

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. My son is also 12 next month and I've not been impressed with the school meals. One week he had pizza every day! He now takes a packed lunch (his choice as he got sick of all the queuing). The general 'rule of thumb' among his peers is that they are allowed to buy break time snacks once per week, usually Friday. Maybe try suggesting that?

By the way I don't think you sound intense or OTT about this. If it was my son I'd be keeping an eye on it too. He's not the sportiest child either. He does go to badminton club though which he enjoys and DH takes him out for a run once a week.

RosiePosieDozy · 28/01/2022 17:23

This age is when a lot of children put on weight. He's still growing, hormones are raging. I think you're doing the right thing by encouraging him to exercise and make healthy choices. I don't see what more you can do. He'll probably grow a foot in the next few years and all his weight will even out.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

MythicalBiologicalFennel · 28/01/2022 17:25

Your meals sound lovely but on the carby side for my taste. I come from a culture where eating legumes-based dishes several times a week is the norm -but I agree with pp that I would up the protein. Pasta is just not very filling for a growing lad, and things like lentils give you a lot of calories to the protein.

It sounds like you don't eat meat but do eat some fish. If he is happy eating fish would you consider the firmer varieties? Monkfish, turbot, fresh tuna, hake -not cheap but so filling, yummy and satisfying that a little goes a long way. Prawns, salmon and mackerel are all easily obtainable and have so many health benefits.

If you eat eggs, boiled eggs are a great snack. Overall though I would avoid snacks especially things like rice cakes and nkd bars.

Is he interested at all in preparing his own food, cooking, meal planning? It's hard to avoid learning nutrition if you are interested in food! Also him feeling in control of what he eats could have a positive effect.

JessicaJacket · 28/01/2022 17:30

I also don't want to minimise the weight problem he may now have, however, since op has made him do Jo Wicks "forced him to" go running, controlled his food choices through primary school and now is only buying healthy foods for the household etc etc, and he is STILL overweight, I'd be willing to say that "nipping this in the bud" has not been successful.

I think the way you frame it is really important. If you are more positive about healthy choices instead of hand wringing that he is too fat, he may still not lose weight quickly, but chances are, being negative / forceful / shaming, will most likely end up with him still being overweight and with the added 'bonus' of developing some issues and negative associations with food and exercise.

The countries in Europe which a pp referred to where there is less obesity, still do have an obesity problem. There isn't a country in the world which doesn't! I used used live in Paris and saw many very large Parisians. They have not got it completely right there either. And also, there is much beige food in the rest of France. Rice cakes and other prepacked "healthy snacks", which you do now get and the like are imports from us in fatter countries where we've had weight watchers and slimming world culture for years while the French a few decades ago would have been horrified. Also, it's a stereotype but truly, a few decades ago, almost everyone I knew in Paris smoked a lot and it was really uncool to do exercise on purpose. Anyway, I digress a bit here, but I do find it silly when people so often on MN use other countries as their 'gotcha'

Adatwistscientist · 28/01/2022 17:34

It doesn't sound like he's enjoying the way you want him to exercise and if the goal is long term health then it's very important you don't switch him off to exercise. Why not look for some alternative ways to keep fit. Team sports? Or things like climbing? Or tennis? I think 12 is too early to feel like exercise is a chore.

Electricbug321 · 28/01/2022 17:34

He is allowed to not like exercise, the more you force it the more he will push back.

minipie · 28/01/2022 17:40

@LefttoherownDevizes

Are you all veggie? Have you tried upping his protein, their need for it really does increase during puberty.
I agree with this. It’s not the whole answer, obviously his school eating habits need to change somehow, but I would definitely try getting more protein in - complete protein like eggs rather than incomplete like pulses. Maybe eggs for breakfast?
HeidiHaus · 28/01/2022 17:52

I would relax for a bit, it does sound as though he's due a growth spurt. Two of my nephews were about 5 feet and decidedly tubby at age 11ish, both were 6 feet and skinny by age 14.

WonderfulYou · 28/01/2022 18:07

He’s gained a chunk of weight in a short space of time

If he’s gained weight in a short amount of time then I wouldn’t worry too much.
I work in a secondary school and notice that most kids tend to randomly put on a lot of weight and then lose it again. So I’m sure it’s to do with hormones and puberty.

You are absolutely right about the food though.
In primary school my DC were made to eat at least two portions of veg. They also had one healthy snack at break time.
In secondary school there are a lot less healthy options it’s mainly burgers, chips and pizzas. There is also no encouragement to eat healthy.

As a PP said if you go to a primary school vs a secondary school at break time there is a massive difference - primary kids don’t stop running around and playing games, whilst secondary school kids just sit or stand in the corner being cool.

waterrat · 28/01/2022 18:16

Hi Op. It is no wonder the UK has the highest number of obese 11 year olds on Europe when wr let them eat absolute crap at school. There is literally no reason why donuts muffins etc should be on sale in schools.

I notice you Talk about physical activity in terms of sport. It's sad thst for teens this is the only way they move. Can he play more..as in go to park on scooter with friends etc ?

Bakewelltart987 · 28/01/2022 18:28

My ds14 put weight on once he started secondary school I put it down to the bacon/sausage barms at break then the chicken burger and chips for dinner (can't control his eating in school) but then he had a growth spurred and it evened out again. Untill now I've noticed he's putting it on again so am expecting another growth spurred we have to take into account puberty aswell.

AnotherMansCause · 28/01/2022 18:41

Would he eat egg on toast, or porridge in the morning? Only takes a minute or two to make, & much more filling than cereal or toast on its own. Porridge made with milk & jumbo oats can be cooked in a pan in microwave in about 3 minutes, if you soak them overnight. And TBH any kind of cooked breakfast, even porridge, seems a bit more appealing than just cereal.

MeredithMae · 31/01/2022 11:01

Hello @Suchaquandry I really feel your pain, DS is making terrible choices at school too and I've been worried about his weight for a while.

I started a thread a while ago and it had some great suggestions, so i'm linking it here for you to have a read- hope it helps.

As an aside, I agree, where is the accountability for schools? Was Jamie Oliver just for primaries? DS has the choice of croissants/bacon baps/sausage rolls/cake for break and absolute shite for lunch too.

UnconditionalSurrender · 31/01/2022 11:11

Another one saying its normal for boys to get like this before they suddenly shoot up. DS did and now at 13 is 5 11 and like a stick. He may have grown again as his school trousers were looking worryingly half mast this morning.

SlipperyLizard · 31/01/2022 11:19

My DD’s secondary school sells all kind of crap at break - waffles, sausage baps, etc. I figure it is for kids who may not have had breakfast, but for kids that have already eaten it is totally unnecessary.

DD is allowed a break time snack one day a week and a cake/sweet treat with lunch one day a week, which she’s happy with.

Could you try something similar?

CoastalWave · 31/01/2022 11:24

My 7 yr old is 4 foot 10! I don't think 5'4 is tall at all for 12.

That aside, he could just be due a growth spurt.

Notcontent · 31/01/2022 11:31

Well - he may or may not lose the weight as he gets taller. BUT it’s not necessarily a bad idea to discuss food choices etc in an appropriate way. The reality is that if he continues to eat pizzas, waffles, etc all the time he is not suddenly going to wake up one day and start eating large salads, is he?

JuergenSchwarzwald · 31/01/2022 11:46

DH said he was quite chubby around this age. He started playing rugby and the weight fell off him. Junior parkrun is a great thing to do and it might spark an interest in athletics - I was rubbish at sport but running is easy and doesn't involve coordination or catching balls.

Not being able to take a packed lunch to school is odd - is it a private school?

As for the cycling thing, the days are gradually getting longer - could he start cycling in a few weeks' time, eg after Feb half term?

Suchaquandry · 31/01/2022 12:19

Thank you for all of the advice on here, I do appreciate it.

To answer a few questions:
We do regularly eat eggs for breakfast or lunch during the weekend and an egg mayo sandwich is DS’s choice of sandwich if he doesn’t go for cheese at school (on the days he doesn’t have pizza anyway!). So eggs feature quite heavily in our diet- omelette is always a favourite too.
We do also eat lots of beans and legumes and occasionally fish and meat free alternatives like LM sausages. So not fully veggie but mostly, just the odd bit of fish.

He does hate exercise but I think his fitness is really important and I was shocked to hear him puffing and panting after a short race with DD’s on NYE. It really took me aback because he used to do park run every week pre-covid and he never had any issue at all, he’d be the quickest out of the three in fact. He doesn’t like any sport, he never has done. We’ve tried all sorts over the years from martial arts through to rock climbing as well as team sports like football, cricket, tennis, rugby, basketball and even table tennis but he has no interest at all.

If I’m being totally honest he would be happiest just playing games 24/7 and he resents me whenever I ask him to come off them for a bit and go outside. I guess this is normal for his age? But regardless, I think 11 is too young to just waste away on games 24/7 and I definitely think it’s too young to let him eat whatever he wants and never exercise!

I’d also like to say that I’m not trying to control him or be horrible, I’m really not. I haven’t made a massive deal out of his weight by any means, I’m trying to be as positive as I can about it. I’m just his Mum and I want him to be healthy ultimately.

I hope it is just a pending growth spurt and pubescent weight gain.

Cycling wise DH is going to go out with him sometimes so he can get some practise. He isn’t the most confident at cycling so for now, I’m not comfortable with him cycling 3 miles home. Hopefully with some practise he can improve and that will be an option during spring/summer months.

OP posts:
LetHimHaveIt · 31/01/2022 12:28

My 14-yr-old is 5 ft 11 and rail thin - not even as much as eight stone. But his diet at school is shocking and it drives me mad. No idea what to do about it other than appeal to his better instincts 🙄 It's so hard.

Suchaquandry · 31/01/2022 12:30

@Electricbug321

He is allowed to not like exercise, the more you force it the more he will push back.
I agree that he’s allowed not to like it but he should still do it for his health. People always have to do things they don’t like in order to thrive and live a healthy life. I can’t just let him sit around eating pizza 24/7, as much as he’d love to do this!

Oh and I’ll also add that he does have porridge for breakfast fairly regularly, not sure if I mentioned that earlier but porridge is something we all have often.

His diet at home isn’t really my biggest concern tbh because we all eat the same things and none of us have a weight problem. His weight has crept up since he started since secondary school and I can only blame the fact he no longer walks home, doesn’t run around in the playground as a PP said and he’s now eating crap at lunch and break too.

OP posts:
Twitterwhooooo · 31/01/2022 12:43

OP, I would echo what other posters have said about this pattern of weight gain then growing in height seems to be really common for boys in the first couple of years of secondary school.

Over the course of a few months, they look like someone has taken rolling pin to them and stretched them out!

Also common is boys (and girls) who were very active in primary school suddenly seeming to find any movement an absolute drag. I think some of it is hormonal and developmental - lots happening inside.

I do agree with you about the utter shite that secondary schools serve. Yes, there are 'healthy options' but a lot of peer pressure/what's easier and tastier.

Hopefully, we'll all move a bit more as the weather gets better.

PS I do agree that 5' 4" is tall for a not-yet-12-year-old boy.

Twitterwhooooo · 31/01/2022 12:44

Wow. I agreed with you a lot in that post!

trumpisagit · 31/01/2022 12:52

Because people keep saying 5'4" isn't tall for an 11 year old:
From Google average height children UK
Average height boy:
10 years4ft 6.5in (138.4 cm)
11 years4ft 8.5in (143.5 cm)
12 years4ft 10.7in (149.1 cm)

OPs son is objectively tall.

My 14 y o is 5'4" he is average (ish).