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Original poster

Help me to fill my day

68 replies

Upsetdaughter379 · 26/01/2022 18:30

I'm a stay at home mum in my 30s but my kids are in school now. Husband at work most days. So I'm on my own every day from 9 to 3. We have a dog.
I do have access to my husbands money but we don't have a lot of spare cash so I can't go spending willy nilly. Can only spend on essentials etc.
Through the summer I'm fine because I'm outside gardening, etc or meeting family for walks in the park etc.
But during the winter (and has been exasperated by the covid lockdowns) I'm at home mostly all the time and after a while it becomes very isolating and lonely.
My parents go out somewhere every day, for example to a different town /city, stroll around shopping have a coffee, look at the architecture etc. I would love to do this but I feel silly on my own.plus I can't spend unnecessarily either. I can't go with them because I have to be back to pick the kids up from school. If I do need to go to town for something Ive found I rush from the car to the shop(s) I need, then back to the car again. Back home within the hour. I feel very anxious when I'm out on my own.
We have a dog who I walk with my kids before school in the morning and after school in the afternoon. I would love to take him out during the day and go on lovely walks etc and it would give me something to do but I'm scared. Doesn't that sound rediculous? I'm scared that someone is going to attack me or try and steal my dog. There has been a lot of it around our area in recent months and it's scared me so much. So I find I'm just in the house every day! Apart from cleaning or watching TV I do nothing. Which has caused me to pile a lot of weight on. I also have a serious back /leg problem which affects how much exercise I can do.
How can I become braver and going out and about alone? Or where can I actually go that doesnt cost money?

OP posts:
dorkfink · 26/01/2022 18:33

can you volunteer or join a gym?

dorkfink · 26/01/2022 18:33

maybe swimming

Hercisback · 26/01/2022 18:35

Get a job. Something small and a few hours a week. It will encourage you to get out and mean more spare cash to enjoy your life.

Hellocatshome · 26/01/2022 18:35

Does your library or community center hold any classes you could join? or if there is one that runs a toddlers group etc I'm sure they would be grateful for volunteers to help set up/tidy away, make tea etc. Do you have any elderly neighbours who need a lift to the shops? Or join one of the telephone befriending services so you dont have to go anywhere but can have a nice chat with an elderly or lonely person everyday.

RandomMess · 26/01/2022 18:39

Find a job or do volunteering?

If money is that short you really need to work tbh.

patritus · 26/01/2022 18:39

Volunteer in school, nursery, charity shop, day centre for elderly, buddy walking scheme, visitor for housebound elderly,
Or see if you can get a job for few hours a week. ? Dog walking

JSL52 · 26/01/2022 18:41

Get a job is the most obvious solution.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 26/01/2022 18:42

Get a job. That will bring money in and support your dh.

You could also look into training courses - FutureLearn run lots of free courses too, on all kinds of subjects.

Or volunteer.

pompey38 · 26/01/2022 18:42

This is a wind up surely , you’re free 5 days a week , you don’t have enough money but you’re asking how to fill your days??? I don’t know what to do actually , cry or laugh at your question.

SouthParkCovid · 26/01/2022 18:43

Yep, get a job.

You need the money and have the time.

Chewbecca · 26/01/2022 18:43

Surely getting a job is the answer to both problems - filling time and being short of ££.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 26/01/2022 18:47

Get a job for a few hours a week. Volunteer. I run a small charity project; I’d chew my arm off for somebody reliable with 4-5 hours a week to spare.

PotteringAlong · 26/01/2022 18:49

Get a job

And yes, not walking your dog because you’re scared someone will steal him is ridiculous.

Original poster
Upsetdaughter379 · 26/01/2022 18:49

Sorry I didn't put enough info in my post.
I will be returning to work in a couple of years, but at the moment due to my husbands job (he has to work away 60% of the time) and he has different working hours each week, it's been difficult for me to find something that fits in with everything. We don't have any family who can help with childcare, and we can't afford to pay for it. We don't qualify for benefits.
The kids will soon be old enough that they can get to and from school themselves so I will be working them.
My post is regarding my spiralling anxiety from being isolated at home and the effect that its having on my that I feel like I can't really go out?
I appreciate all the suggestions made so far, again I feel too nervous/anxious to volunteer etc. I have become very withdrawn. I have been slim for most of my life. I'm now 19 stone and it's having a huge impact on my mental health and confidence. I feel like if I carry on as I am, when the time comes for me to return to work ill be too scared to do so and I don't want that to happen

OP posts:
FrownedUpon · 26/01/2022 18:49

Agree with get a part time job. Then spend the money earned doing lovely things on your days off. Your life sounds empty and you’re so young!

sleepymum50 · 26/01/2022 18:53

I garden in the summer and do decorating jobs in the winter. There’s always window frames, window sills and skirting boards needing a touch up.

When I first got a dog I felt a bit nervous about going off into the woods by my own, but after a while I felt fine. Perhaps see if any mums at the school gates want to buddy up with dog walks.

JanisMoplin · 26/01/2022 18:54

Why can't you go out on your own? I am in London and I go out alone all the time to free museums, galleries and heritage sites. The only way to defeat your anxiety is to defy it and actually get out there. Or why not join a local walking group?

I volunteer at a heritage site and I work with people much larger than 19 stone.I don't care what weight they are and I doubt many people do. Volunteering at an animal shelter might also work if you are nervous of people.

RandomMess · 26/01/2022 18:55

Dedicate your time to tackling your anxiety.

Yes you are anxious about volunteering but that is why you need to go do it! You could do reading in a primary school? There are so many opportunities. Hospital WRVS shop?

Paleodiet · 26/01/2022 18:55

OP, do you know anyone else who has a dog and who could accompany you on walks during the day? Perhaps there is another parent/parents at the school. If you are in a town or a city and there is a local park, there may be other dog walkers there.
.

There may be professional dog walkers in your area. Look for their ads and see if any of them would be OK with you and your dog just walking alongside.

How about being a garden volunteer? See if there are any community gardens near you or any charities which run gardens, for example, in the grounds of hospitals, care homes etc.

duvetdayforeveryone · 26/01/2022 19:01
  • Does your council run walking groups? Perhaps there is one where you can take your dog too.
  • You could volunteer at your local Foodbank, explaining the hours you'll be available will vary week by week due to changing DH work schedule.
  • Go to the library, and start a conversation with one of the librarians. Or perhaps there is a book club in your area.
  • Volunteer for Silver Line, to help with their free telephone friendship service.
thenewduchessoflapland · 26/01/2022 19:01

@Upsetdaughter379

I could have written your post.

My DH is self employed and runs a business;his hours are unpredictable and he has to leave at a moment's notice and his work takes him all over the UK so having a job outside of the house isn't possible (I have a flexible self employed job of my own that allows me WFH) but it's lonely.

I have 2 dogs for company but between 8:15am and 3:30pm it's just me;gone are the school run chats or meeting up with my mum friends as for various reasons they are no longer available during the school day.

Some anxiety and depression has set in,I've gained weight so I've joined a gym.It at least gets me out of the house a few times a week.I'm no gym bunny and I'm currently not confident enough to use some of the equipment but my gym has lots of exercise classes and a pool for swimming.Most other patrons are friendly and people do strike up a conversation.

Honestly I'd recommend it;yes I can appreciate you might not want the cost but it's worth doing.

thenewduchessoflapland · 26/01/2022 19:02

@Upsetdaughter379

Btw I'm currently 20st.I've lost nearly 3st so far.

RAOK · 26/01/2022 19:03

Volunteering will help to bridge the gap between staying at home and going back to work (speaking from experience!) When I volunteered at a foodbank I didn’t have time to feel anxious for those couple of hours if that makes sense as I was too busy sorting donations, making up food parcels etc. Everyone was so friendly and supportive and it boosted my confidence no end at the time it was at its lowest. Volunteering usually means you meet the nicest people in my experience.

JanisMoplin · 26/01/2022 19:04

A library is a good idea to get over your anxiety as you won't have to talk to anybody and can gradually ease yourself into being around people. And it's free.

mama3bears · 26/01/2022 19:05

Why not do something like Avon? It helped me in similar circumstances; gave me a reason to get out the house, meet people, extra money etc