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Original poster

Help me to fill my day

68 replies

Upsetdaughter379 · 26/01/2022 18:30

I'm a stay at home mum in my 30s but my kids are in school now. Husband at work most days. So I'm on my own every day from 9 to 3. We have a dog.
I do have access to my husbands money but we don't have a lot of spare cash so I can't go spending willy nilly. Can only spend on essentials etc.
Through the summer I'm fine because I'm outside gardening, etc or meeting family for walks in the park etc.
But during the winter (and has been exasperated by the covid lockdowns) I'm at home mostly all the time and after a while it becomes very isolating and lonely.
My parents go out somewhere every day, for example to a different town /city, stroll around shopping have a coffee, look at the architecture etc. I would love to do this but I feel silly on my own.plus I can't spend unnecessarily either. I can't go with them because I have to be back to pick the kids up from school. If I do need to go to town for something Ive found I rush from the car to the shop(s) I need, then back to the car again. Back home within the hour. I feel very anxious when I'm out on my own.
We have a dog who I walk with my kids before school in the morning and after school in the afternoon. I would love to take him out during the day and go on lovely walks etc and it would give me something to do but I'm scared. Doesn't that sound rediculous? I'm scared that someone is going to attack me or try and steal my dog. There has been a lot of it around our area in recent months and it's scared me so much. So I find I'm just in the house every day! Apart from cleaning or watching TV I do nothing. Which has caused me to pile a lot of weight on. I also have a serious back /leg problem which affects how much exercise I can do.
How can I become braver and going out and about alone? Or where can I actually go that doesnt cost money?

OP posts:

Howmanysleepsnow · 26/01/2022 20:33

I get it OP. I can only work a few hours a week because DH’s hours mean he can’t share school pick ups/ drop offs/ holidays. It can be very lonely, and I wouldn’t feel right spending family money on me. I’ve made a couple of friends who I talk to on text throughout the day, which is brilliant. Otherwise it’s just housework, admin and dogs.

Orangesandlemons77 · 26/01/2022 21:09

I have encouraged my DH to get a swim pass too so I felt less guilty just having one for me. I think it helps everyone to have time to themselves and stay healthy.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 26/01/2022 21:33

OP, I was like this when my youngest started school. I asked if I could help in class and have been there ever since. I also do other voluntary stuff.

I also joined the gym and am pretty fit for an older woman now.

MissVictoriaPlum · 26/01/2022 21:38

Can you volunteer to listen to reading at your DC school? Or a different nearby school?
Could you do a couple of hours in a charity shop?
If you want to lose some weight or get a little fitter without spending money you could try couch to 5k?
Good luck finding something op, it's tough when you get stuck in a rut

MoodySky · 26/01/2022 21:42

Do a degree/volunteer/work from home. I did all these things as a Sahm.

BrieAndChilli · 26/01/2022 21:46

What about something like a school Dinner lady? Would be a few hours in the day while your kids are at school and no working in holidays.

lordloveadog · 26/01/2022 22:06

You sound lovely.

Are you really sure you couldn't afford childcare? Your children are at school. If you worked 2.5 days a week, you'd need after school care until say 6pm two days. You would earn more than that costs.

Luckyelephant1 · 26/01/2022 22:14

Get a part time flexible job.

What back/leg problem do you have? Is it a chronic thing? If you're 19 stone and only in your 30's I'd put a strong focus on getting your health sorted. Start an exercise regime that you can do- how about swimming? Or some home workouts? Make it a project to be the best version of yourself that you can be with all this free time you have.

nightmarelife · 26/01/2022 22:36

I hate to be rude but how do you think other people manage with jobs? Plenty of people both work full time and make use of wrap around care.

Hawkins001 · 26/01/2022 22:39

For me, I usually travel alone, when doing my projects, I guess when my numbers up, I'll be found, but at the same time, I still try to be careful and scout ahead when in unfamiliar places then if anything seems odd, I hastly retreat and evac the area.

N0RKS · 26/01/2022 22:39

When you were a child, what was your favourite thing to do?

deplorabelle · 26/01/2022 22:40

You've had some great suggestions and I would echo them - especially that there are a lot of scare stories about crime and dog theft.

One thing I wonder is if your anxiety and weight gain might have an underlying cause. As well as asking your GP for referral for CBT maybe also explore with them if there could be a physical cause. You sound a lot like I was when I took the combined contraceptive pill. Zero confidence, tired, brain fog, gained three stone in weight. I also had random rages and got very upset about things including throwing a very embarrassing tantrum in a railway station because I just couldn't understand the announcement boards. (I have an Oxbridge degree so it shouldn't have been so hard!) Looking back I can't believe how long it took me to connect the dots. Are you taking any medication or changed anything that might throw you off kilter?

Mudday · 26/01/2022 23:29

@Upsetdaughter379 - you're brave asking for advice on this site, there are plenty of nasty, self-indulgent wolves here. Despite saying this, I'm glad to see some genuine, caring advice though. The biggest problems usually come from boredom. It's such an insidious, devastating evil in our lives because it sounds harmless, like waiting in a queue. It eats away at confidence slowly and when fear becomes a regular feeling it's time to fight back. Think about what makes you laugh. Look up on YouTube Ryan Reynolds 'vasectomy'. It's not just funny but life affirming! Get your sense of humour back and the rest will follow.

Lovemusic33 · 27/01/2022 07:37

@nightmarelife

I hate to be rude but how do you think other people manage with jobs? Plenty of people both work full time and make use of wrap around care.

Maybe the OP doesn’t need to work?

It’s not always easy for both parents to work full time, if I was OP I would try and find a part time job or volunteer just to keep busy but if she doesn’t need to work and doesn’t want too then that her choice.

hellcatspangle · 27/01/2022 07:41

Put a post on your local next door app, asking if anyone would be happy to meet up for a walk in the day (with or without a dog) Next door is really helpful for things like this.

middleager · 27/01/2022 07:48

You need money, your children are in school, so I think for your own benefit and family's, you should find paid work.

I had to do every single drop off and pick up for mine while working, lots of us do.
When I was made redundant, I too felt isolated at home, so I understand. I suffer from anxiety too, but finding work, was good for my mental and physical health.

Spinnier · 27/01/2022 08:06

Does your morning dog walk end at the school gate? If so maybe start taking a longer loop home with the dog.

Volunteering in school with the little ones is fun, I would really encourage you to try it. And if you can't make it the odd week they'll understand. It's not necessarily reading. Ours has had volunteers running sewing, library visits, even cooking (though that was pre-covid.)

You hold all the right cards here. You have exercise already sorted, you are top of everything enough to get bored, and you have insight into what your barriers are. I think you've got almost an imposter syndrome - you are doing much better than you think.

Orangesandlemons77 · 27/01/2022 13:51

OP thought of your post this morning as I dragged myself out for a swim and sat for a coffee alone in a church cafe after, glad I went though as feel better now.

It helps me to have a routine and makes the time go quicker too

Hope you are finding some of the ideas helpful

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