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Original poster

Daughter (27) and Facebook

71 replies

thatothermother1965 · 26/01/2022 11:14

We're in our 50s and our daughter is 27, single and independant with a good job etc. Whave a good relationships with her siblings. Over the last few years one issue is coming up that I've just more or less ignored until recently. She has sometimes posts photos on social media that are really quite on the risque side. It's facebook usually and I'm always conscious when she does this that everyone is connected and I cringe a bit and wonder what on earth certain family members etc. think when they see these photos that are actually quite different to how she generally presents herself. She's does have a fantastic figure and we're proud of her in every possible way but with this she does push the boundaries compared to what I see from most of her friends etc. I've talked to my husband about it. He's less concerned about what anyone else thinks but feels uncomfortable when certain photos of her pop up. I'm not going to let it become a bigger issue than it is and I know it's part and parcel of the world we live in so I'll get shot down by some people on here but I'm not really bothered about that. I don't mind hearing I should just let it go because I already wonder if I'm being over-sensitive but if anyone has any actual advice on how to gently raise it or drop a subtle hint I'd appreciate that as well.

OP posts:
TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 26/01/2022 11:20

It’s not really any of your business, what she does on social media. If she’s comfortable with it then it’s her prerogative and her choice. If you don’t want to see them then unfollow or unfriend.

Seeline · 26/01/2022 11:21

She's 27!!!

She's obviously not fussed about what other family members think. Just block her on FB if the pictures bother you.

yorkshireteaspoonie · 26/01/2022 11:27

What are you classing as 'risqué' ? Dressed up for a night out in a short dress or something a bit more?

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Coughee · 26/01/2022 11:32

She's far too old for you to be lecturing her about social media. The only thing I would suggest is a subtle conversation about settings on Facebook I. E. 'did you know you can restrict people from seeing things on your feed if you don't want great aunt Doris to see you in your thing and nipple tassels?'. But I expect she'd see through that...

LaBellina · 26/01/2022 11:35

I wouldn’t take it well if my mother would try to tell me what I can and can’t post on Facebook at 27. I would probably ask her if she would pressure my brother or other male family members in the same way if they posted a shirtless photo.

mummykel16 · 26/01/2022 12:08

Yanbu

Original poster
thatothermother1965 · 26/01/2022 12:11

@yorkshireteaspoonie

What are you classing as 'risqué' ? Dressed up for a night out in a short dress or something a bit more?
It's more. Often the same outits...but temporarliy re-arranged to reveal a lot more than if she was out and about. Less often selfies in lace bodsuits - not paired with anything, no pasties/covers like she wears on a night out so you can see everything. I'm trying to be diplomatic I guess but sometimes it's basically just boobs and bum. She looks fantastic but needless to say that's not the point.

P.S. I know it's her choice, I know it's her life etc. etc. Anyone pointing that out is wasting their time.

OP posts:
tulips27 · 26/01/2022 12:15

I'm surprised at a 27 year old using Facebook tbh. It sounds like stuff more suited to Insta anyway.

dizzygirl1 · 26/01/2022 12:16

Honestly... she's 27, it's her choice. It's none of yours or any other family's business. Ridiculous behaviour. And some people wonder why they aren't close to their family!
If you know its her choice, nothing to do with her and that she's a grown adult, why are you commenting about it.

mummykel16 · 26/01/2022 12:18

Concern is allowed

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/01/2022 12:22

I'd be tempted to give her a friendly reminder that some employers do SM checks during recruitment and make judgement based on what they can find.
And that once its online, its there permanently.

bostonchamps · 26/01/2022 12:23

@Coughee

She's far too old for you to be lecturing her about social media. The only thing I would suggest is a subtle conversation about settings on Facebook I. E. 'did you know you can restrict people from seeing things on your feed if you don't want great aunt Doris to see you in your thing and nipple tassels?'. But I expect she'd see through that...
I'm similar in age to the DD in question here and honestly if my DM started trying to explain social media security settings to me I'd start slow clapping. Beyond patronising.

Heaven forbid a woman 'flaunt' any kind of sexuality, ever, at any point in time.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 26/01/2022 12:24

"P.S. I know it's her choice, I know it's her life etc. etc. Anyone pointing that out is wasting their time."

So you only want POV's that agree with yours?
Well I guess I'm about to waste my time, she's an adult, MYOB. She's obviously comfortable with it, she knows you can see it and your opinion clearly doesn't matter to her or else she wouldn't post it, or she'd choose the option to hide it just from you.
There are bigger things to worry about in life.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/01/2022 12:28

Go ahead and lecture a 27 year old. See how it goes. 🙄

MaybeHeIsMyCat · 26/01/2022 12:30

This is why I have my parents on restricted settings Grin (and work colleagues of course)

Rno3gfr · 26/01/2022 12:30

I’m 24 and I wouldn’t post anything like that on Facebook (or anything else) because I know a lot of employers, whether fair or not, check your social media in the recruitment process. I’m not saying a woman flaunting her body is less deserving of a job but I don’t know how prospective employers will interpret it so I won’t take the risk.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 26/01/2022 12:31

I think with Facebook that some posters forget exactly who can see their posts. When she posts these she probably has a particular audience in mind and forgets that Mum, Auntie Jane and Mr Smith down the road can also see it. If you were to make a nonjudgemental comment like "new outfit?" it might be enough to remind her who can see them.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 26/01/2022 12:32

I wouldn't like that either OP, it doesn't matter how old they are. Often the people on MN telling you it's none of your business once they reach 18 have much younger DCs, and they don't know what it feels like to be a parent of adult children. Or do have adult children but have never had similar issue so really know how they'd react.
I expect you've made your concerns known to your DD and she's also told you to butt out?! The one piece of practical advice you could give to her is to ensure her FB is tightly locked down. It's not unusual for prospective employers to be interested in applicants' social media presence.

Boood · 26/01/2022 12:35

I think OP is saying she personally doesn’t want to see these photos, rather than that her daughter shouldn’t be posting them. And I don’t blame her, you don’t want to see family members in sexy mode, however much you get their right to have one. The daughter should select her audience more carefully.

Catrice · 26/01/2022 12:43

I'm torn a bit here. I understand your concerns and as the mother of a twentysomething dd myself, I would worry as well. I too would be concerned about future employers seeing and (wrongly in my opinion) judging her in a negative way. I'd also be concerned for her safety if the pictures were very risque. But, she is a fully grown adult and quite able to do as she pleases and you need to accept that. So no. I don't think you should say anything.

Peppaismyrolemodel · 26/01/2022 12:44

Comment on them: “such a lovely outfit dear”
Spect she will lock her settings up fast Grin she’s prolly just forgot they pop up on your feed

saraclara · 26/01/2022 12:49

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

I wouldn't like that either OP, it doesn't matter how old they are. Often the people on MN telling you it's none of your business once they reach 18 have much younger DCs, and they don't know what it feels like to be a parent of adult children. Or do have adult children but have never had similar issue so really know how they'd react. I expect you've made your concerns known to your DD and she's also told you to butt out?! The one piece of practical advice you could give to her is to ensure her FB is tightly locked down. It's not unusual for prospective employers to be interested in applicants' social media presence.
Exactly. As a pp said, concern is allowed. Parents don't just switch off from worrying about the consequences of their kids' actions.

I don't think any kind of lecture is going to help though. Most of the time we just have to keep our mouths shut.

Personally I think I'd just post a wide eyed shock emoji!

MermaidEyes · 26/01/2022 12:52

@tulips27

I'm surprised at a 27 year old using Facebook tbh. It sounds like stuff more suited to Insta anyway.

I was just about to say this, I don't know any 20-something who uses Facebook regularly but I often see these kinds of photos from them on Instagram. I just think, good for you, one day you'll be in your 40s with a mum tum and the lace bodysuits will be long gone!

MermaidEyes · 26/01/2022 12:59

If any of her relatives don't like the pictures they're free to unfollow/unfriend, if they haven't done so already

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 26/01/2022 13:04

If my DD did this I'd say "DD, if you're going to put those photos up, you won't mind if I unfriend you, will you?" I really don't want to see any of my DC in a state of undress.

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