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Original poster

40th lack of friends don't know what to do

75 replies

GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 20:14

Feel really down. It's my 40th at end of June I always thought I would have a big party but as time gets closer I don't dare to arrange one as I'm worried people won't turn up.
I used to be quite popular 5 years or more ago, lots of friends, school mums I got on with, neighbours. But since kids bit older I working more, covid I've grown apart from so many of them. Other people drifted away.
Ive also had medical issues which have made me stay in so I don't socialise as much.
I know a lot of people but I don't have many actual friends. So could have lots potentially turning up but could also have people not coming on the night.
If I was to go away I probably would only have 4 or 5 people come away with me I don't have many more than that.
It was my neighbours 40th last summer she went to London with 10 school mums - I don't even know 10 school mums!
I will feel so sad not to have a celebration but myself esteem is awful atm and I don't think I could take the disappointment of people not turning up.
I would be inviting around 70 but only could guarantee 20 would definitely come.

OP posts:
A580Hojas · 21/01/2022 20:18

Invite the 20 who would definitely come! That sounds lovely for a 40th party. You don't need to hire a venue or go all competitive with people you vaguely know.

NoraNancy · 21/01/2022 20:19

That sounds like you have plenty of people to invite, more than most of us may have! But if worried about no shows, why don't you avoid a party hiring a whole venue. Stick to the 20 definites and arrange dinner/tables in a bar/ cocktail making class etc

PermanentTemporary · 21/01/2022 20:20

4 or 5 going away for a weekend sounds absolutely fantastic! I'd do that. Everyone has these moments where it feels like you are disconnected from your friends. Sometimes there's some truth to it, sometimes its just feeling low. Resolve to try and connect with a couple of people you haven't seen for a long time?

Santahasjoinedww · 21/01/2022 20:21

I had 2 friends and my dc, dh and dm at my 40th!! We had afternoon tea in our garden. Was lovely tbh.

HeddaGarbled · 21/01/2022 20:23

I would go out for dinner with a small group of genuine friends plus maybe think about a holiday with one or two.

MegBusset · 21/01/2022 20:26

Four or five people is a perfectly good amount to celebrate with! Look up 'Dunbar's number'. I haven't met ten school mums that I'd want to wait for a bus with let alone go away 😆

For my 40th I had a night out with eight or nine friends, a family meal out, and a weekend away by myself to go to a gig. It was great!

Plan something nice with a few friends. And stop comparing to other people's lives on social media. Quality not quantity is what matters with friends.

MissAmbrosia · 21/01/2022 20:26

I took my best friends to Barcelona for the weekend for my 50th. It was marvelous. Much better value than a party. We did some free walking tours, had dinner in a very fancy tapas place and drank cocktails on lots of terraces.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/01/2022 20:27

Invite the 20 for a lovely, intimate dinner.

Imissmoominmama · 21/01/2022 20:29

When my friend was 50, three of us went to London, had afternoon tea at The Ritz, saw a show, stayed in a nice hotel and went shopping. It was absolutely lovely, and I’m quite sure it wouldn’t have been as special if there had been a lot more of us.

LadyCleathStuart · 21/01/2022 20:30

Goodness I'm 40 next year and other than my immediate family I would have zero people to invite so I would be more than happy with 20.

Just plan something a bit smaller and enjoy.

BrambleRoses · 21/01/2022 20:30
Flowers

My 40th was between the first and second lockdowns so things were still a bit patchy. DH and I just went to a hotel for the night and ate food and watched TV. It was lovely [smile[ I was six months pregnant so wasn’t up for anything too hardcore!

Abracadabra12345 · 21/01/2022 20:33

@MissAmbrosia

I took my best friends to Barcelona for the weekend for my 50th. It was marvelous. Much better value than a party. We did some free walking tours, had dinner in a very fancy tapas place and drank cocktails on lots of terraces.
That sounds amazing.

A friend took her two best friends to NYC to celebrate her milestone birthday (before Covid) and it was one of the best things she’s ever done. There’s something about going away with good friends - much more memorable than a party

busyeatingbiscuits · 21/01/2022 20:33

Having 4 or 5 friends you'd go away with and 20 you could invite for dinner sounds like plenty, and more than lots of 40 year olds!

You have some fantasy in your head about a huge party but it's not reality for most people.

Starynight282 · 21/01/2022 20:33

You've got 70 people to invite and out of those 70 you think 20 will definitely come-have i got that right? How popular do you want to be? That's loads!! I've literally got 2 friends, my 40th was in lockdown so it was just myself, DH and DS. I think you need to get a bit of perspective on this.

Original poster
GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 20:49

I probably do need to get some perspective and stay of facebook which seems to leave me feeling awful

OP posts:
Original poster
GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 20:49

Off

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 21/01/2022 20:52

@MissAmbrosia I’m going to Barcelona this year for mine too. Can you remember the name of the tapas restaurant?

Hesma · 21/01/2022 20:55

I’ve got my 50th next year and am planning a get away with 3 friends… that’s all I need. Just enjoy, do something with those you care about and don’t worry about others. Have a lovely time 💐

Wombat98 · 21/01/2022 20:57

That's 4 or 5 more than I could have drummed up for either my 40th or 50th...

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/01/2022 20:57

Could I just add, I’m in awe that you have 70 friends.

I have very few but they’re magnificent.

shouldistop · 21/01/2022 20:58

Surely 4 or 5 people is plenty to go away with? Or hiring an area of a pub for 20 people would be great fun too.

shouldistop · 21/01/2022 20:59

I really don't think 4 or 5 close friends plus 20 wider friends is a lack of friends

stingofthebutterfly · 21/01/2022 21:01

Jeez. It's my 40th next year and I don't have one friend, let alone 20. I've just booked myself a single concert ticket because I don't have anyone who will come out with me, let alone know 4 or 5 people who would go away with me. Count yourself lucky.

doitwithlove · 21/01/2022 21:18

My 40th was a blast, party in the garden from 8.30pm till 5.30am following morning. I had approx 30 guests there.

My 50th was 3 of us, local meal with Champers. A lovely occasion

I would invite the 20 who you think will come along. Whatever you do - enjoy it 🎉

HarrysMummy17 · 21/01/2022 21:28

It was my 40th in October. DP suggested a party but I couldn't think of anyone that would turn up. My family are 350miles away. His family are local but we don't really socialise with them. It got me down too