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Original poster

40th lack of friends don't know what to do

75 replies

GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 20:14

Feel really down. It's my 40th at end of June I always thought I would have a big party but as time gets closer I don't dare to arrange one as I'm worried people won't turn up.
I used to be quite popular 5 years or more ago, lots of friends, school mums I got on with, neighbours. But since kids bit older I working more, covid I've grown apart from so many of them. Other people drifted away.
Ive also had medical issues which have made me stay in so I don't socialise as much.
I know a lot of people but I don't have many actual friends. So could have lots potentially turning up but could also have people not coming on the night.
If I was to go away I probably would only have 4 or 5 people come away with me I don't have many more than that.
It was my neighbours 40th last summer she went to London with 10 school mums - I don't even know 10 school mums!
I will feel so sad not to have a celebration but myself esteem is awful atm and I don't think I could take the disappointment of people not turning up.
I would be inviting around 70 but only could guarantee 20 would definitely come.

OP posts:
EmpressSuiko · 21/01/2022 21:29

Invite the ones that will come, I think having 20 people is lots! You will have a ton of fun celebrating with them all :)
I don’t have many friends and I tried to do something for my 30th as I thought it would be fun, I even made everyone silly little gifts etc.
I only invited about 6 people but my sister is the only person who came.
I was disappointed but we still had a fun night and made the most of it. Whatever you plan, I hope you have a lovely birthday OP

5thHelena · 21/01/2022 21:34

If I had 20 good mates that I could rely on to come to my 40th I would be over the moon! You are so lucky!!

Original poster
GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 21:42

You all sound lovely and my kind of people - empress how thoughtful to make people gifts, thank you Helena I should count my blessings, Harry's mummy you can celebrate with me 🎉

OP posts:
Original poster
GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 21:45

@MrsSkylerWhite I wish I had 70 friends they are people I know and hope will come - people I work with, dh friends, people from village my actual friends less than 10

OP posts:
Original poster
GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 21:47

Sting who are you going to see? If you are east mids will come with

OP posts:
WhiteJellycat · 21/01/2022 21:49

I had afternoon tea in a very posh London venue with my sis, bil, DJ and two best friends. I could have invited more but it was lovely. A day to treasure really.

MerryPoppings · 21/01/2022 21:52

I felt sad about this too. DH had a lovely lunch with 20 friends who really like and support him. I didn't dare arrange anything as I tried for my 30th and only 2 of my friends could make it. I didn't want the same thing to happen again so I just went out for dinner with DH and DC. Feels kind of sad really.

Dreamstate · 21/01/2022 21:59

Here is some perspective for you...count yourself lucky ...my bday is 3 days after Xmas day and its my 40th this yr, not one single person is going to be free to celebrate with on my actual day. I've asked already and comments have been oh lets do it week after blah blah...no im not moving my fecking bday not for a milestone one. Sick of having to do that.

So stuff it im booking business class flights and taking myself off to a carribean island for a week and celebrate on my own ..this way I cannt be let down or disappointed and actually celebrate my bday on my actual day.

Hopefully this will make you feel miles better Grin

busyeatingbiscuits · 21/01/2022 22:02

[quote GameOfLaughs]@MrsSkylerWhite I wish I had 70 friends they are people I know and hope will come - people I work with, dh friends, people from village my actual friends less than 10[/quote]
Do something to celebrate with your actual friends! Don't just invite everyone you've ever met to make up background numbers.

Original poster
GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 22:11

They are definitely people I 'should' invite categoryclose colleagues, dh's close friends would I invite or not invite?!

OP posts:
Original poster
GameOfLaughs · 21/01/2022 22:12

I've met them lots but wouldn't think they would be friends or consider me a friend

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 21/01/2022 22:17

This all feels so alien to me, Op. I can't imagine knowing 70 people well enough to invite them to a birthday celebration. If I was to try to put together a list of 70 people, I'd be down to ex-colleagues, and friends of friends. Do you really know 70 people who you'd consider friends?

@MerryPoppings - I absolutely get that. DH has collected up friends over the years (he and I both turn 50 next year). Every one of his "friends" would be delighted to be invited to a birthday celebration - even if it's been 5/10/20 years since they last were in contact. Hell, DH got invited to a 40th birthday celebration ten years back for someone he was at primary school with, and hadn't seen or been in contact with since 1985. (The birthday man's wife had done some digging!) DH was thrilled to bits, attended the party, saw his old mate, and there was no issue.
I genuinely can't imagine sending out an invitation to the girls I went to school with, to attend my 40th birthday celebrations. Generally speaking, once we've lost contact, I'd find it decidedly awkward to invite them to a party thirty years later.

JockTamsonsBairns · 21/01/2022 22:25

@Dreamstate
A week in the Caribbean alone sounds like the most wonderful thing imaginable! I hope you have an amazing time ❤

apples7373 · 21/01/2022 22:30

Honestly OP, as others have said, I’m envious that you have as many friends as you do!

I have so few that I had to invite a couple of old schoolfriends I hadn’t seen in years to my wedding, just to make up the numbers. One of them even asked me if I was sure that I wanted to invite her Blush

AliceMcK · 21/01/2022 23:01

I always thought the same, I was always the popular outgoing party girl, lots of friends, always on the go out with different friends all the time, but times changed. When it came to thinking about my 40th my plan was that if I was living overseas, which I was for most of my 30s that I’d have a fancy dinner party, nice setting preferably outdoors, lots of fairy lights, my closest friends & hire a nice catering company to do all the work while we drunk lots of wine. However, id moved back to the uk just before I turned 40 so I had a party with just family, id lost touch with friends in the uk because I moved around a lot and my DCs wernt in school so I had no mum friends. I think about 35-40 people came, including some random friends of my brother. I made sure I hired a venue that wasn’t too big so if many didn’t come it didn’t look to bare. Plus I made sure the venue was cheap i.e a pint of beer wasn’t to expensive for my DF & uncles.

MissAmbrosia · 21/01/2022 23:06

[quote Doidontimmm]@MissAmbrosia I’m going to Barcelona this year for mine too. Can you remember the name of the tapas restaurant?[/quote]
raobcn.com/

It was truly lovely. They just brought food and more food. And they brought a cake with sparklers on but I might have been quite tiddled by that point. Grin

ViceLikeBlip · 22/01/2022 06:10

I also had visions of a huge wedding style 40th, marquee in the garden etc etc. But as it gets closer, I'm much too scared, because it would be so embarrassing if only 3 people turned up!! I'll probably just invite 5/6 out for dinner 🤷‍♀️

mjf981 · 22/01/2022 06:53

Delete facebook.
Arrange a lovely dinner at your favourite restaurant with your family and a couple of closest friends.
Inviting 70 people to a massive party sounds very stressful to me!

julesover40 · 22/01/2022 07:06

For my 30th I went away for a city break with 3 friends and had the best time. For my 40th I had a small party (50ish people) which was fun but I wish I'd gone away again. Party was not my idea and not really me!
For my 50th in a few years I'm planning another long weekend away, just 5 of my favourite people.
Plan the celebration you want, not what you feel you should want, and enjoy x

Cheesewiz · 22/01/2022 07:09

4 or 5 people that would come away with you?! I would struggle to find 1

Oddbutnotodd · 22/01/2022 07:17

I find big celebrations are often a bit of a letdown. I agree that looking at Facebook is not helpful. Choose something small and meaningful.

SNUG2022 · 22/01/2022 07:22

Why don't you and dh go away? My best mate has loads of mates and an absolutely huge family. She hired a big room and only a few of us turned up. It looked worse as the room was so big. I think she made the most of it, but she must have been hurt. It can happen to anyone. I wouldn't want the stress of it.

AndItDoesntSeemToMatter · 22/01/2022 07:23

Surely it would be literally impossible to have 70 close friends, you'd never have time to maintain so many relationships?

AndItDoesntSeemToMatter · 22/01/2022 07:24

@Cheesewiz

4 or 5 people that would come away with you?! I would struggle to find 1
Lol same good job I like my own company!
cereallover · 22/01/2022 07:39

I'm dreading my 40th. I'm 36 and have no friends apart from dh and ds who's 7 months old.