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Have you ever been identified on MN?

106 replies

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 21/01/2022 11:38

If so, how did you feel about it and what was the outcome? Did you do anything about it?

I've read a few threads recently which could be very outing when combined with information from other threads. Of course, some people don't mind, but others might not have thought about this as a possibility.

I joined MN about 19 years ago and found it addictive (long days at work, no Netflix or Amazon Prime, young children etc )
I didn't share lots of personal info but one day a Mum came up to me in the school playground and asked if I was (my first username) on MN. I was so flustered I couldn't deny it. Apparently I had mentioned something specific relating to the school. She then searched on my posting history as she had as she said 'a few suspects' and eliminated them one by one until I was the most likely.
It felt really uncomfortable, and I had been open on some threads about a few things I wouldn't want someone I didn't know well to know about. She even mentioned something in front of other people another time. When I asked her not to repeat things she'd read on MN, she said 'oops thought you'd told me about that' (still wouldn't have appreciated her passing it on).

Of course I name changed, and have changed certain details in threads or decline to provide potentially outing information (not always helpful for soliciting answers to threads).

It still has an impact on my posting style and habits so many years on. As said, I know some people won't care but so many people provide a lot of identifying info, I thought it worth people thinking about.

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 21/01/2022 14:47

@FairyLightQueen

This thread just reminded me to NC so thank you OP.

There was a thread about me about four years ago. I was in my late teens and did something quite stupid. In hindsight I wasn't well and had recently had a miscarriage, but it wasn't a nice read.

I'm sorry @FairyLightQueen. I do wonder how often people recognise themselves when posters are having a rant about eg SILs or MILs or friends. I wasn't sure how this thread would be received but if it sounds like most people know where I'm coming from.
OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 21/01/2022 14:52

One person recognised me once when I started talking to her about my divorce, she was like "OMG, you are Skye off of MN". I was a bit horrified but she had secrets of her own so we agreed to pretend we didn't know each other Grin. This was 10 years ago.

I would caution against connecting with MNer in RL due to personal experience.

twilightcafe · 21/01/2022 14:56

I haven't changed my username in years.
TBH, I'm more worried about a comment or thread I created ending up in a national newspaper than being busted in the playground.

MermaidEyes · 21/01/2022 15:03

I would caution against connecting with MNer in RL due to personal experience

I second this, also due to personal experience. There are definitely some users on here who have ulterior motives for being here.

PrincessNikla · 21/01/2022 16:09

@barbrahunter

I would really like to ask mumsnet posters for advice about some things in my life, but I am scared about being identified, so I mostly just lurk or post general things instead :(
if you use one name to post on a thread, then people might know its you, but wont know anything else
ponkydonkey · 21/01/2022 16:17

I think I have been recognised but some school mums... give them something to talk about 🤣

I have recognised a few people on here..... mostly as they were posting the same thing on Facebook!

MiracleBaby2022 · 21/01/2022 17:06

I recently recognised an in-law on here. Was quite shocked when I realised it couldn't possibly be anyone else (due to a very detailed family story). I would never in a million years tell them I know though.

LondonQueen · 21/01/2022 17:11

I have a few usernames I switch between for this reason. I have definitely suspected friends of posting based on situations and details they mention but would never bring it up!

Wolf1970 · 21/01/2022 17:15

I’ve actually deregistered and rejoined several times. I do name change regularly. Somebody from another forum recognised me on here at one point and I had to ask for a whole load of posts to be deleted.

duchessofmuchos · 21/01/2022 17:16

I don't know what advanced search is. I've had a few user names over the years. Does advanced Seah mean someone can see all the posts on all your prior usernames? Or just all the other posts in one user name?

DerAlteMann · 21/01/2022 17:44

I haven't myself, but I do know one poster who referred to an event that I was present at and I recognised them from their description of what they were doing there. I would never tell them IRL that I know them tho'.

DerAlteMann · 21/01/2022 17:45

@Wolf1970

I’ve actually deregistered and rejoined several times. I do name change regularly. Somebody from another forum recognised me on here at one point and I had to ask for a whole load of posts to be deleted.
Me too. I'm on my 4th "membership cycle" and have lost track of all my various usernames.
Lastater · 21/01/2022 17:53

Yes, I name change regularly, especially when I realise I've started to comment with things that could be totted up to identify me. I try not to post specific instances or stories I've told friends. I like the anonymity of the threads and sharing advice/tales so would rather it stayed anonymous.

KatyAnna · 21/01/2022 17:54

I think I must surely have been identifiable given the amount of details I have posted at quite stressful times in my life. I don’t think I had a filter, really. There was one issue I just could not talk to anyone in RL about. Horrible period in my life.

I think I would be okay with acknowledging that in RL if someone recognised me, though. I have re-registered many times and also name changed a lot but I still think I could be identifiable.

I recognised the mum of one of my DC’s friends on here (we are not friends) because she posted something her DS had said and my DC said, oh that is x! He said that very thing today. She had already posted her area and I had guessed our DC went to the same school because of something else she posted. I don’t post as much now, to be honest, as that made me realise how easy it is to recognise someone.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 21/01/2022 18:02

I don't think I have but I always change details,like children's ages, marital status ect on threads

FireworkParrot · 21/01/2022 18:09

I name change semi-regularly and do often change non-important details such as saying DSis instead of DBro or MIL instead of FIL. I don't know whether it's enough but hopefully puts people off the scent.

Off to name change again now!

BennysBingoBonanza · 21/01/2022 18:17

I name-change all the time. Glad others do too- was wondering whether it was a bit off.

I change ages by a year either way and DS to DD and vice versa. I'm not convinced that really makes much difference though.

Wombat98 · 21/01/2022 18:29

I was. I had a moan & the organisation wrote to me to say to correct the post.

apologynotrequired · 21/01/2022 18:32

Yes, many years ago - never post photos is my advice, never. I left for a few years at one point.

I name change at least twice a month, I enjoy the anonymity of MN.

I have been on smaller forums where everyone knows your story because there is a much smaller pool of posters. Decided ultimately that type of place wasn't for me.

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/01/2022 18:43

Yes I have. I had a very very long running divorce saga involving my now ex-h and OW and 3 concurrent threads about it.

Somebody recognised some specific circs relating to OW and reported back. Never found out who. The first I knew about it was when ex turned up at court for a financial hearing with printouts of all 3 threads and tried to claim "contempt of court" 🤣. He even went to the trouble of providing a little key with the joke names we'd given him and OW on the threads. Judge ignored it all.

Ex then posted on threads and was banned by MN. OW went to police and claimed "harassment". I've never name changed. They both know that every last thing was true, they just didn't want their abusive behaviour exposed. I have nothing to hide so not remotely bothered 🤷🏻‍♀️

hayley037 · 21/01/2022 19:29

I think one of the problems is that generally when people post the stories that might be outing especially from a AIBU or Relationships point of view they are often in a state of distress or might just be venting.

It's very easy to throw caution to the wind when in that state of mind. It doesn't help that MN doesn't have a edit post facility either.

Whambamthankyoumaam21 · 21/01/2022 22:09

I had a thread about a neighbour who stole my cat. I had her neighbour next door shout whsmbam - you wrote about cat stealing bitch on mumsnet last night didn’t you? She also recognised the cat - as he had 3 legs and distinctive markings.

Utterlybutterly8 · 21/01/2022 22:42

I’ve actually deregistered and rejoined several times.

How would that make you less likely to be recognised though? I thought all your posts remain, even if you deregister?

Babyvenusplant · 21/01/2022 22:46

I know somebody personally who is on here, found out completely by chance. They have no idea that I know. I don't read their posts though as it would feel a massive invasion of their privacy

Babyvenusplant · 21/01/2022 22:49

@TheFormidableMrsC

Yes I have. I had a very very long running divorce saga involving my now ex-h and OW and 3 concurrent threads about it.

Somebody recognised some specific circs relating to OW and reported back. Never found out who. The first I knew about it was when ex turned up at court for a financial hearing with printouts of all 3 threads and tried to claim "contempt of court" 🤣. He even went to the trouble of providing a little key with the joke names we'd given him and OW on the threads. Judge ignored it all.

Ex then posted on threads and was banned by MN. OW went to police and claimed "harassment". I've never name changed. They both know that every last thing was true, they just didn't want their abusive behaviour exposed. I have nothing to hide so not remotely bothered 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's hilarious 😂 I'm glad you stood your ground