So tell me something good about being in your forties...

bookworm1982 · 2022-01-19T12:20:24+00:00

Hello, I read a thread on here recently asking people what they missed about their youth. I found the thread utterly depressing and had to stop reading halfway through - just loads of posts about how shit it is to get old and how being in your twenties and thirties is the best. I turn 40 in March and I feel down every time I think about it. I think the reason is because I have terrible health anxiety, which seems to get worse as I get older. My dad died of cancer when he was 40, my grandmother died of cancer when she was 43, and my mum got cancer in her early fifties (but she is still alive now). So, for me, reaching my 40s is terrifying - more health worries, and more chance of getting the dreaded cancer that I fear so much. I have, however, discovered that whenever I ask people how they feel or felt in their 40s, and their reply is positive, it makes me feel so much better - hence why I have started this thread! I just want to be reminded that getting old is not too bad, or being middle-aged. Thank you in advance everyone!! (by the way, by health anxiety is being dealt with)

idril · 19/01/2022 12:24

Do you have children? One great thing is that they become much more independent and in many ways, you get your life back! I've loved spending more time with my husband doing things that we used to love but stopped doing because of the kids.

I feel fitter and less tired than I did when my children were small. I have more time for running and I don't get woken at night. So far (45) I've kept my weight the same which helps.

I am more senior at work and know what I am doing so feel very valued.

Apart from that, it's not been much different than my 30s!

RunAwayNow · 19/01/2022 12:37

I feel like I care much less about what other people think of me. I am who I am, and I'm much more comfortable in my own skin (even if that skin is more tired!). I actually feel sad I wasted so much energy worrying about this sort of stuff in my 20s and 30s.

itspartytime · 19/01/2022 12:39

40 is the age where you realise that all people are wallies so you start to pick the ones who are less wallyish or with stupid behaviour you can tolerate, and the let the others fall by the wayside. It's a time when you notice you like yourself and your ideas. It's a time when your hair finally does what you want it to ( well mine did ). It's a time you find happiness in unusual places.

I'm sorry that it's a time that has been bad for your family, and I hope that all will be rosy for you . Try not to worry about what you can't alter.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 19/01/2022 12:39

I recently turned 50. I feel quite positive about my 40s. I found it quite empowering. I was now 40 and I could do what the hell I wanted without fear of judgement because I was 40! I started doing more things I wanted to do and not be running around after everyone else. I learned to say NO. I also learned to accept offers of help graciously and accept compliments and to give them!
I genuinely stopped caring about my changing body and enjoyed the changes.
I catch myself in the mirror or look at my sagging shape and don't mourn my youthful body. The other day my bingo wings reminded me of my granny and it made me kind of happy. I'm getting old, so what.

lucillelarusso · 19/01/2022 12:41

Oh god know, I couldn't go back to being in my 20's! I feel like my vest self now, powerful and competent and sure of what I want.

Mrbob · 19/01/2022 12:41

I am truly me and feel no need to be what I think people want or expect me to be
I don’t give a shit that I am a bit porky
I think I have grown into my face and actually look the best I ever have
My career is doing beautifully, I have nearly paid off two houses
I am only friends with people I like
I don’t tolerate crap from men- I am so happy as I am that I won’t allow them to treat me badly
I do what I want not what I “should” with my time
I feel closer to my family and like them as people not just relatives
I am HAPPY most of the time
I think all the above make me a better friend and colleague
It’s great.
40s are the best so far

supadupapupascupa · 19/01/2022 12:59

Op it is common to feel as you do, but there's nothing you can actually do about aging.

I give my head a wobble by reminding myself that aging is a privilege denied to too many (your dear relatives included).
Death gets us all in the end and we don't know when it will be so we need to fully live the life whilst we have it.

Everyone panics about mortality at some point. It's normal. But take a step back.

There are no bombs dropping on your head. You are fed, housed, clothed and alive. I hope that helps xx

thinkfast · 19/01/2022 13:09

Your forties are very empowering. I've reached my stride and relaxed about a lot of things which would have worried me previously.

There's a lovely range of fashion available for women in their 40s

My kids are a bit older now - I didn't enjoy the baby stage.

I no longer get spots. Only have about 2 grey hairs

I have some great friends the same age, older and younger than me. I've developed the confidence to drop people I don't want to be friends with.

Purpleavocado · 19/01/2022 13:09

You're alive, you're well and you have your whole life ahead of you, with the wisdom that you've gained from your life so far. It can help to focus on keeping yourself healthy through obvious things by not smoking, eating healthily most of the time and not drinking too much. (But not doing this obsessively).
Try catching the negative thoughts as they come up and arguing against them in your head. Maybe try a gratitude journal.

Lunaballoon · 19/01/2022 13:16

@Mrbob

I am truly me and feel no need to be what I think people want or expect me to be I don’t give a shit that I am a bit porky I think I have grown into my face and actually look the best I ever have My career is doing beautifully, I have nearly paid off two houses I am only friends with people I like I don’t tolerate crap from men- I am so happy as I am that I won’t allow them to treat me badly I do what I want not what I “should” with my time I feel closer to my family and like them as people not just relatives I am HAPPY most of the time I think all the above make me a better friend and colleague It’s great. 40s are the best so far

^^ Exactly this. You’re approaching your peak OP. There are many benefits that come with age.

StorminaBcup · 19/01/2022 13:16

I hear you OP, I had a huge wobble when I turned 30 which turned into an early mid-life crisis, I’ve also lost parents and relatives at relatively young ages due to terminal illness. When I was turning 40 I refused to relive the experience of turning 30 and took the opportunity to take stock of my life. I reflected on the friendships I have, my family (husband and children), experiences I have had and want to have in the future. I found I had a lot to be thankful for and many things to look forward too.
I know it sounds cheesey but it worked for me and I feel so much together and at ease with myself now than I was in my 20’s and 30’s (which isn’t difficult as I was an utter car crash looking back!).

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:16

@supadupapupascupa

Op it is common to feel as you do, but there's nothing you can actually do about aging.

I give my head a wobble by reminding myself that aging is a privilege denied to too many (your dear relatives included).
Death gets us all in the end and we don't know when it will be so we need to fully live the life whilst we have it.

Everyone panics about mortality at some point. It's normal. But take a step back.

There are no bombs dropping on your head. You are fed, housed, clothed and alive. I hope that helps xx

That's such a good point. My mum always says to me that getting old is great - it means you're not dead!

She doesn't mean for it to sound as blunt as that, but I understand why she thinks that way - both her husband and mum were denied that privilege, as you say.

OP posts:

CouldBeHere · 19/01/2022 13:17

I'm so much for content in my skin and in relationships than I did when I was younger. It's very freeing.

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:18

@idril

Do you have children? One great thing is that they become much more independent and in many ways, you get your life back! I've loved spending more time with my husband doing things that we used to love but stopped doing because of the kids.

I feel fitter and less tired than I did when my children were small. I have more time for running and I don't get woken at night. So far (45) I've kept my weight the same which helps.

I am more senior at work and know what I am doing so feel very valued.

Apart from that, it's not been much different than my 30s!

I do - I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old! So no relaxing here just yet! But I don't mind that they're young and that they tire me out.

OP posts:

Egghead68 · 19/01/2022 13:19

It’s better than your 50s.

You might be lucky and not get perimenopause symptoms.

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:19

@RunAwayNow

I feel like I care much less about what other people think of me. I am who I am, and I'm much more comfortable in my own skin (even if that skin is more tired!). I actually feel sad I wasted so much energy worrying about this sort of stuff in my 20s and 30s.

Oh my too, I'm so cross with myself for spending so much time worrying about my looks and my body in my twenties! We looked great and we just didn't appreciate it!

OP posts:

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:20

@JesusSufferingFuck22

I recently turned 50. I feel quite positive about my 40s. I found it quite empowering. I was now 40 and I could do what the hell I wanted without fear of judgement because I was 40! I started doing more things I wanted to do and not be running around after everyone else. I learned to say NO. I also learned to accept offers of help graciously and accept compliments and to give them! I genuinely stopped caring about my changing body and enjoyed the changes. I catch myself in the mirror or look at my sagging shape and don't mourn my youthful body. The other day my bingo wings reminded me of my granny and it made me kind of happy. I'm getting old, so what.

That's lovely to read. The bingo wings but made me smile

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zafferana · 19/01/2022 13:20

Given the choice between 20s, 30s or 40s, I choose my 40s, and that's in spite of wrinkles, peri-menopause and a saggy bum. I just like being more experienced at life. I like not being impulsive and insecure. I like having healthy self-respect. I like my DC being a bit older and bit more independent. I like that we can afford a more comfortable life and a nice home. I like giving less of a shit what people think. Each decade has its benefits and its downsides, but actually I think my 40s have been my best decade so far.

playmelikeasymphony · 19/01/2022 13:21

I was 40 at the end of December. I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason it seems like a big deal to me is because my Mum turning 40 was part of a big celebration in our house (she was 40, Dad was 50 the same year) and it’s the first milestone age I remember my parents reaching. Once I realised that 40 didn’t seem so scary.

So far 40 is a good place, not so different to late 30s just a but weird when my GP said “now you’re 40…” as part of a conversation the other day.

Lottapianos · 19/01/2022 13:22

'I learned to say NO. I also learned to accept offers of help graciously and accept compliments and to give them!'

Same here. I don't think anything is quite as empowering as learning to say no in an assertive way. Makes me feel proud of myself about how far I have come as a people pleaser in recovery!

I'm finding it much easier to sit with 'I don't know' and 'I don't care'. I don't chase certainty the way I used to, and that brings me a great sense of peace. I stay out of other people's business, and I'm less judgemental than I used to be

I look and feel better than I did in my 20s because I prioritise my health in a way I never did before

I like myself so much more than I used to! For all the reasons above. I really get a kick out of this 😃

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:23

@Mrbob

I am truly me and feel no need to be what I think people want or expect me to be I don’t give a shit that I am a bit porky I think I have grown into my face and actually look the best I ever have My career is doing beautifully, I have nearly paid off two houses I am only friends with people I like I don’t tolerate crap from men- I am so happy as I am that I won’t allow them to treat me badly I do what I want not what I “should” with my time I feel closer to my family and like them as people not just relatives I am HAPPY most of the time I think all the above make me a better friend and colleague It’s great. 40s are the best so far

Yes, I too feel that I only have friends now that I actually like. It's good to be in a position where you feel strong enough not to hold on to relationships that toxic. I've actually slowly been withdrawing from a friend recently who I don't think is particularly good for me. I thought, sod taking that relationship into my forties...

OP posts:

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:24

@thinkfast

Your forties are very empowering. I've reached my stride and relaxed about a lot of things which would have worried me previously.

There's a lovely range of fashion available for women in their 40s

My kids are a bit older now - I didn't enjoy the baby stage.

I no longer get spots. Only have about 2 grey hairs

I have some great friends the same age, older and younger than me. I've developed the confidence to drop people I don't want to be friends with.

I have so many grey hairs! But they started in my late twenties so I don't see them as a sign of being old, just annoying.

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TheVolturi · 19/01/2022 13:24

I am physically fitter than I've ever been, I wish I'd given myself the kick up the arse to start running when I was in my twenties. I am more confident, less anxious, a better parent, a better friend, and all because I'm older I think. More wisdom and all that!

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:26

@StorminaBcup

I hear you OP, I had a huge wobble when I turned 30 which turned into an early mid-life crisis, I’ve also lost parents and relatives at relatively young ages due to terminal illness. When I was turning 40 I refused to relive the experience of turning 30 and took the opportunity to take stock of my life. I reflected on the friendships I have, my family (husband and children), experiences I have had and want to have in the future. I found I had a lot to be thankful for and many things to look forward too. I know it sounds cheesey but it worked for me and I feel so much together and at ease with myself now than I was in my 20’s and 30’s (which isn’t difficult as I was an utter car crash looking back!).

I love this. I will try to do the same. I am finding already that I'm feeling much to be thankful for these days. It's a nice feeling. Xx

OP posts:

Original poster

bookworm1982 · 19/01/2022 13:28

@TheVolturi

I am physically fitter than I've ever been, I wish I'd given myself the kick up the arse to start running when I was in my twenties. I am more confident, less anxious, a better parent, a better friend, and all because I'm older I think. More wisdom and all that!

I'm definitely fitter than I've ever been. I train nowadays whereas I never bothered at all in my twenties or thirties.

OP posts: