So tell me something good about being in your forties...

[bookworm1982]

Hello, I read a thread on here recently asking people what they missed about their youth. I found the thread utterly depressing and had to stop reading halfway through - just loads of posts about how shit it is to get old and how being in your twenties and thirties is the best.

I turn 40 in March and I feel down every time I think about it. I think the reason is because I have terrible health anxiety, which seems to get worse as I get older. My dad died of cancer when he was 40, my grandmother died of cancer when she was 43, and my mum got cancer in her early fifties (but she is still alive now). So, for me, reaching my 40s is terrifying - more health worries, and more chance of getting the dreaded cancer that I fear so much.

I have, however, discovered that whenever I ask people how they feel or felt in their 40s, and their reply is positive, it makes me feel so much better - hence why I have started this thread! I just want to be reminded that getting old is not too bad, or being middle-aged.

Thank you in advance everyone!! (by the way, by health anxiety is being dealt with)

@Floundery

Being in your 40's means being able to afford good wine and good clothes. I cannot imagine drinking shit wine or wearing synthetic fibres ever again.

No longer GAF also helps. I suddenly became attractive to men for the first time, and I'm not (and have never been) an oil painting. I realised it was because I no longer cared if they fancied me/spoke to me/thought I was gorgeous or not. I've never had so many offers! (Had to turn them all down cos I somehow inveigled DH into marrying me at 39....miracles do happen, as my DM said in her speech! )

On the cancer front, does the cancer have a genetic link? If so, ask your GP to refer you for genetic screening. I got cancer at a young age (another bummer about my 20's and 30's) and have ended up on 2 different genetic screening programmes. They have already picked up some early changes. It is a really good way to take charge of the situation ime and might help with the health anxiety.

I'm so sorry to hear about the cancer at a young age. What type was it? Cx

@Icenii

I took up martial arts and have private sparring lessons a couple of times each week. It's exhilarating and I'm fit! It can be embarrassing when you make silly mistakes or can't be perfect but I don't give a damm. I'd have been too self conscious when I was younger.

Go you!

@Snog

https://lithub.com/want-to-be-happy-live-like-an-woman-over-50/ Seemingly the happiest people in the uk are women age 65 to 79

Also single women are statistically happier and healthier than married women.

I heard that about older people being happier before. Interesting about the married v single

Great thread! I'm turning 40 this year!

Firstly, I know who I am and who I like. I spent my teens and twenties not liking myself very much and it's such a relief to not have to pretend to be something I'm not. Likewise friendships - only those that really count have stood the test of time and I've let go of people who I don't genuinely enjoy spending time with.

I know what suits me and don't try to follow fashion. I'm not fussed about having a few wrinkles or not being model-thin. Looking back at photos when I was younger makes me so cross with myself for not realising that I was actually really thin and pretty when I didn't think I was at all.

The dcs getting older means I have more time for hobbies and exercise, and I don't really care what people think when I go for a very slow run. I've actually always been a bit of an old person (love gardening, reading, country walks) and now it's socially acceptable!

Finally, being more financially secure. When the dcs were young we were barely breaking even. It's nice to be able to do things without always worrying about the cost.

@RunAwayNow

I feel like I care much less about what other people think of me. I am who I am, and I'm much more comfortable in my own skin (even if that skin is more tired!). I actually feel sad I wasted so much energy worrying about this sort of stuff in my 20s and 30s.

100% this!! Not sure if Covid has helped but l spend less time with people l am not fussed about. So liberating saying no! Op l love being in my 40's.

@Proudtocare8203

Great thread! I'm turning 40 this year!

Great isn't it! I'll return to this thread in future when I need a boost !!

@BlondeDogLady

I'm 52 (recent birthday), and am enjoying life! My DH is still in his 40's - only just.

• Mortgage almost paid off
• No debts
• Savings in the bank
• Both on good salaries, with very little outgoings now that children are grown
• Still both fairly fit and good looking, lol
• Kids are grown up, Uni all finished and they all have amazing jobs
• If we are not working, we can lie in as long as we like
• Get to go to the Caribbean every year (covid permitting)
• Work aside, we can do what we like, when we like
• Having loads of confidence that we didn't have when younger
• No responsibilities apart from our work
• If we are off work we can be completely spontaneous : Fancy going to the beach today, then going for cocktails tonight? Sure, let's go!
• Planning retirement in 6 years time : plan to work p/t in my self employed job March to October, then bugger off to the sun from November thru February

How lovely xxxxxx

@draramallama

My mum always says to me that getting old is great - it means you're not dead!

My philosophy too.

I also sort of find that embracing the ways my body has changed as I get older makes it easier to be less frightened of mortality because I'm not in a constant depressing state of denial or fighting against it. Things change, it's just part of living.

Beating yourself up for how you felt in your twenties/thirties is a waste of energy that won't make you feel good. You don't want to look back in another ten years and beat yourself up for spending a decade beating yourself up for how you lived the previous decade.

Also, I think it's exciting to reach a point where you have this library of life experiences and learning to call upon to guide you and to keep things in perspective. Don't mourn that you hadn't developed that yet at twenty (nobody has), enjoy having it now.

Basically - stay in the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about a hypothetical future.

You actually do sound like my mum. She is always very wise with the best advice

I'm 47, overweight and I finally feel like I'm attractive, more so than when I was younger and thinner. I dont care so much what people think, I'm confident in my job.
I love my 40s!

@crochetmonkey74

I'm 47, overweight and I finally feel like I'm attractive, more so than when I was younger and thinner. I dont care so much what people think, I'm confident in my job. I love my 40s!

That's brilliant. What a great place to be xxxxx

you know how on MN you read all these threads from women who say their health & mental state turned to shite in their 40s?

I always respond by thinking -- I had all that exact same shite in my 20s but my 30s got better, and 40s & 50s better still.

I think I might be an alien.

Love the comments about kids being older, after 12 years of trying for a baby at the age of 42 I gave birth to my brilliant DS, my 40’s so far are turning out to be my best decade yet 😀

@stretchypants

Love the comments about kids being older, after 12 years of trying for a baby at the age of 42 I gave birth to my brilliant DS, my 40’s so far are turning out to be my best decade yet 😀

Congratulations!!!!!! He must be bringing you such joy xxxxxx

@lljkk

you know how on MN you read all these threads from women who say their health & mental state turned to shite in their 40s?

I always respond by thinking -- I had all that exact same shite in my 20s but my 30s got better, and 40s & 50s better still.

I think I might be an alien.

Oh really? In fact, now you mention it - mine is probably at its best too. I was a mess in my twenties. X