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Original poster

How to ask for no presents for kids birthday

64 replies

Drbrowns · 17/01/2022 18:41

If someone put ‘no presents, just your presence’ on a kids party invite would you think no presents at all or that they’re looking for cash/vouchers.? Have my kids party coming up, first once since covid and first one with school parents and don’t want them to think we’re trying to be grabby when really we just don’t want any presents as they’ve more then enough toys, and clothes, and everything else.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 17/01/2022 18:43

If I saw that on an invitation, I'd still bring a gift...maybe something small like a book or a box of sweets

sadpapercourtesan · 17/01/2022 18:45

I wouldn't specify no presents. People expect to bring something small, it's an established part of the social ritual and I think it's a bit pretentious to disrupt that, not to mention a bit mean to your DC who would probably love to open cards and presents from their friends.

SoftPillow · 17/01/2022 18:47

If you put 'no presents' I'd aim to not bring a gift but would have one in my bag just in case everyone else did.

I think I'd feel awkward about it. I like giving a gift, it's part of the social exchange and celebration.

You can always regift anything you don't like, or donate to charity if you have multiples

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noenergy · 17/01/2022 18:48

The norm at my kids school is to stick £5/£10 in a card. There is 1 parent that gives a charity they would like to support

douliket · 17/01/2022 18:49

Don't do that, you are way over thinking.
Your child deserves gifts on their birthday regardless of it's just after xmas.What's wrong with a normal invite and let the guests decide what to give.
It's a little mean to your child to ban presents on their birthday 🤷‍♀️

BlueSky8 · 17/01/2022 18:49

I would still bring a gift or money.

First one with his school friends, let him enjoy it and enjoy the presents. It's so exciting as a child.

douliket · 17/01/2022 18:50

Also it's nice to give, I know that my kids love to gift presents to their friends.

longestlurkerever · 17/01/2022 18:50

I honestly think this is quite difficult to achieve without some level of offence. Kids like giving their friends presents. Other kids will have accepted presents and may feel you're being somehow judgemental about that. I think your DC's friends may comment on it in a "you weren't allowed any presents" kind of a way and your DC might feel more hard done by than you expect. That's speculation on my part and maybe I'm being more rigid in my thinking than necessary but I'd definitely be trying to convey "please don't worry about a present, we are just looking forward to seeing you" rather than the "no presents: you could not possibly choose anything that would please us" vibe.

kitcat15 · 17/01/2022 18:51

You will male people feel awkward....they are less likely to invite your child to a party as they think you will see them as grabby because they want presents for their child....presents are part of a party .....other kids will think your kid is odd

CatJumperTwat · 17/01/2022 18:52

I'd bring a present because I think a child deserves presents on their birthday. And tbh I'd think you were mean/selfish to deny them that.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 17/01/2022 18:52

I just wrote no gifts/presents/anything apart from your company at the party please

Then sent a message on the class WhatsApp saying please no gifts/anything!!!

madisonbridges · 17/01/2022 18:54

Don't make it harder on parents. They are just going to get fraught over what it is you're exactly expecting and that's going to make it more stressful. Plus your child will want to open stuff. How disappointing for him to go to others' parties and for them to get gifts and he gets nothing.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 17/01/2022 18:55

@Comedycook

If I saw that on an invitation, I'd still bring a gift...maybe something small like a book or a box of sweets
Why? How much clearer does it need to be? It means NO PRESENTS and that includes cash, books, whatever! Just take a card.
TolkiensFallow · 17/01/2022 18:55

If I was your child I would still be bringing this up as an adult as a story about what I mean present you are. It’s not your birthday, it’s your child’s, ask them if they want to decline presents

Comedycook · 17/01/2022 18:57

@halfsiesonapotnoodle

I don't read it as no presents...I read it more as feel free not to bring a gift. I'd see it as optional.

impossible · 17/01/2022 18:59

I think it's really hard to do this. I tried when DCs small but people just brought money. A friend once asked for charity collection instead but got money for charity plus gift. Tricky!

Stiffcondomhat · 17/01/2022 19:00

I didn't bring a present once as a result of this wording and was met by raised eyebrows. Subsequent research drew the conclusion that it means cash please not cheap plastic tat.

RandomMess · 17/01/2022 19:01

Why don't you donate the gifts to a charity?

I mean it's up to you if you'd include your DC in agreeing to not open them and give them to others less fortunate.

You could still do thank you gifts and be "thank you for your generosity DC and I decided a she already has so that all the gifts were donated to X charity"

I still think some people would have an opinion/be offended somehow.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 17/01/2022 19:03

@madisonbridges

Doesn’t cause me stress, if someone’s gone to the bother of writing no presents I feel happy and don’t take one

pennysays · 17/01/2022 19:03

Someone in our school asked for donations to the school instead. I thought that was a great idea. I feel you with the no presents. DC has soooooo much stuff already. Ignore previous posters saying you’re mean… consumerism is not love.

impossible · 17/01/2022 19:04

Not meanness, my DCs had lots of presents from family - we just didn't want a huge number of unused gifts. My DCs got so many expensive presents at parties and many of them were played with once. Of course once the box was ripped open it wasn't possible to give them away to charity.

madisonbridges · 17/01/2022 19:06

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@madisonbridges

Doesn’t cause me stress, if someone’s gone to the bother of writing no presents I feel happy and don’t take one[/quote]
Of course, I wrote a generalisation that doesn't cover everyone. But some people will be wondering if they should give a token gift. And they'll be looking at others to see if they did or didn't give and be beating themselves up accordingly. Tis human nature.

LittleWingSoul · 17/01/2022 19:08

I think you could maybe just about manage this with close family (I've tried!) but not with a whole class party. And then what about subsequent birthday parties... Will you always uphold this rule?

With close family (husband is one of 6 so tons of family!) we managed to ask for contributions to something big (trampoline) but they still gave a small gift!

I get it, they have so much already, it accumulates over the years, and has a negative impact on the environment but I don't think it is a battle worth fighting nor one that your kids will thank you for fighting on their behalf!

RandomMess · 17/01/2022 19:12

I was going to say donations to classroom. You could even ask teacher what could be bought.

Decent felt tips? Pencils etc? Wet play stuff? Modelling clay packs?

Original poster
Drbrowns · 17/01/2022 19:15

It’s not that I want to be mean it’s just that we are trying to make a conscious effort to cut down on waste. I understand where everyone is coming from though and don’t want to make it awkward for either other parents or my dc. It’s hard to know what other parents do as there’s been no parties yet as the class is spilt so the June to December kids are in a different room.

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