Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How to ask for no presents for kids birthday

64 replies

Drbrowns · 17/01/2022 18:41

If someone put ‘no presents, just your presence’ on a kids party invite would you think no presents at all or that they’re looking for cash/vouchers.? Have my kids party coming up, first once since covid and first one with school parents and don’t want them to think we’re trying to be grabby when really we just don’t want any presents as they’ve more then enough toys, and clothes, and everything else.

OP posts:

LittleWingSoul · 17/01/2022 19:38

You could just pick and choose what you think your child is likely to actually use after the party, and squirrel away the rest to regift or for charity. I don't think I would announce in my thank you that all gifts have been donated to charity. I think that would be quite rude. I'd be hurt if me and my child had spent time looking for and wrapping something that we thought your child would really love and enjoy. However, what I don't know won't hurt me! We of course can't be expected to keep every gift we've ever been given, that would be madness!

gogohm · 17/01/2022 19:49

I would specifically so no gifts but suggest you are doing a food bank drive or collecting for ex charity instead. Food bank the kids really understand

DuesToTheDirt · 17/01/2022 19:57

We did this when DD was at primary and really didn't need 30 presents. Her party was at a charity venue so we asked for donations to the charity instead, and also did no toys in party bags, just cake, and we made a donation instead.

Like you OP, we just found it really wasteful for a child to get so much. A few people brought presents anyway so it's not like she was completely without.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations

pompomsgalore · 17/01/2022 19:58

I totally understand you. I hate all the stuff and waste but unless you want to come across as a prick I'd say just go with it. You can cull through it at a later date and donate to charity shops or raffles etc.

Your child will love it and you can cut down in other areas.

What you could do is start the trend of giving money as a group where everyone puts in a set amount. Then next time round you won't have to face the presents.

Incognito22333 · 17/01/2022 20:02

We do donations to a charity (the kids love sponsoring eg a panda) or to the school. Keeps clutter down and Dc very happy and all the kids feel they have contributed.
Even before that the culture was a fiver in an envelope.

MotherWol · 17/01/2022 20:10

Going against the grain here, DD’s class is dual-form entry and there have been lots of whole class parties with 30+ kids. Most have specified no presents, and I think that’s fine, because otherwise it’d be 30+ generic gifts for each child (and there have been a lot of parties). I get that it’s a hard habit to break, but presumably your child will get gifts from family, so limiting the amount of stuff seems like a good idea to me.

MrsHunch · 17/01/2022 20:14

I think people tend to be a bit eye rolly about this kind of thing as it almost never comes from the child, so it comes across as the parents saying we don't want to deal with your crappy gifts.

Where my sister lives they do £1 or £2 parties, the invitations say something along the lines of Ben is saving up for/to go to ... so if you'd like to bring a gift £1/£2 in a card would be welcome.

DS1's best friend asked for donations for a children's hospital when he was 8 and his cousin had Leukaemia. It was completely his idea, nothing to do with his parents and most people donated and bought him a little something too.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 17/01/2022 20:15

@pompomsgalore

Why on earth would you come
Across as a prick for not wanting 30 presents for your kids

stayathomer · 17/01/2022 20:23

I think it's more awkward when people say no presents!! And in all fairness a bit rubbish for your child too. I honestly understand why people hate getting stuff but in general more people bring gift vouchers. My son always talks about a board game a girl in his class brought as it was the only present he got. He talks about how lovely she was to pick out such a cool present!!

DuesToTheDirt · 17/01/2022 20:25

It's totally unnecessary and contributes to the mountain of waste that we all produce. I'm happy to be the prick that takes a stand against this nonsense.

Nelson22 · 17/01/2022 20:50

I said no presents please however if you wish to donate some cat food, my daughter will be making a donation to a local cat sanctuary. She loved dropping it off and the sanctuary were really grateful. The staff at the party venue looked very confused

JustLyra · 17/01/2022 21:58

In DC’s school they pretty much all do £2 max in a piggy bank so that the kid can buy something big from their pals.

It’s a great idea - makes parties cheaper, you don’t have to faff remembering a present and it’s very openly accepted that not everyone puts in £2, or even anything so has meant kids aren’t missing out on parties because their parents can’t afford it (it started after a massive employer locally went bust and loads of folks didn’t get paid.)

MakkaPakkas · 17/01/2022 22:40

I once went to a kids party that said no presents. I didn't bring one, but everyone else did so it felt a bit weird. I've also done it the other way round too! It's hard to judge. I think if you're amongst very eco conscious people where others sometimes do this you can get away with it, but if it's a mixed class type situation everyone will just be confused about what to do.

Jumpingintomenopause · 17/01/2022 22:51

It’s hard because it’s been drummed into us that you never turn up empty handed. I would send a card with money and some sweets.

Viviennemary · 17/01/2022 22:54

Just don't put anything. Certainly not donations to.

longestlurkerever · 18/01/2022 11:00

Most people bring craft things or small games or whatever and I find that even though it feels like a lot to receive all at once it does get used throughout the year, at playdates or during school holidays. Duplicates can be quietly regifted. Generally if kids really have way too much it's because they also receive stuff constantly throughout the year. This can be cut back too.

Coconutcakes · 18/01/2022 11:15

It feels awkward as you are having one of the first parties of the school year but you might find the parents are all planning to do this and don't raise an eyebrow. The last few party invites my dc have received have said "no presents, just bring yourself" or similar. Or if they weren't thinking of doing this it may give them the idea.

It just makes sense. 10-30 gifts on top of family, extended family gifts! Argh! And if you have 2-3 dc that's 60-90 bits of tat coming in to your house over the year! The waste is sickening. I'd rather cancel the party/ies.

longestlurkerever · 18/01/2022 11:26

But that's exactly why it comes across as wanky. Why is it "tat" only because someone else has chosen it. Are gifts you buy for your dc all lovingly hewn from bark? I do feel there's an awful lot of snobbery around kids' toys. If you want to reduce waste have a look at the single use plastics coming from the supermarket each week first, rather than pinning all the blame on other people buying your kids "tat".

TreeSmuggler · 18/01/2022 12:43

It's not about requiring gifts made from bark. It's that the budget for a gift for a classmates birthday party would be about £1-5, and your dc may not even know the birthday child that well (if it's a whole class party or close to it). So of course the gift is not going to be particularly meaningful. The chance of getting duplicates of something is high.

Also there are only so many hours in a day to play with toys. Have too many and they are going to go unplayed with.

MissusArmitage · 18/01/2022 13:19

Tried it. Everyone brought a present anyway, told me I was being mean/daft. One didn't and felt terrible. Then I felt bad. Why not go no party bags to reduce the waste instead? You don't need to announce that one, you just do it!

pompomsgalore · 18/01/2022 13:55

@OnceuponaRainbow18 @DuesToTheDirt

Because it doesn't come from the child so if I saw this on an invite (which I have) I thought it was prickish.

Nobody wants a mountain of tat which is why my friends do a whip round instead. I've put the money in the child savings this time or I could buy something further down the line.
My friends know I wouldn't want a load of bits and bobs cluttering up our home. They know I come from a strong eco perspective so wouldn't want a load of plastic but Lordy Lord I wouldn't speak on behalf of my child and say no pressies.

doubledeckerdreamer · 18/01/2022 13:56

One family we know always ask for gifts for the toy appeal for kids Christmas or for the hospital sunshine box. Then people can bring whatever they like, seems to work well.

Username7521 · 18/01/2022 13:59

We do something similar. It’s second hand or whirli vouchers.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 18/01/2022 13:59

@pompomsgalore

Surely a money whip around doesn’t come from the kids either though? Wouldn’t cross my 5 year olds mind!

wincarwoo · 18/01/2022 14:04

My daughter had a joint 7th party with her classmate and we stipulated no presents which was mostly respected.
We did get a monstrous fingerling carousel which we regifted.
Kids didn't even notice/care that they didn't get a present.

Flip

1 2 3