What was the lowest point in your life?

[Grapeapples]

I often find myself thinking on this, although probably dwell on it too much because one of my lowest points was at beginning of feb 2020. Something major had happened at work and I really thought my entire career was down the toilet. I remember the weather being filthy as well, and crying all the time.

Weirdly it took lockdown to sort of reset everything and now I have such a good life I could never have believed it!

I’m terms of sadness though, when my dog died suddenly and traumatically. I’ve never felt grief like it.

My premature baby son dying in my arms. Nothing compares to that.

Losing my Mum & Dad within a year of each other.

Finding out my baby had died MMC in Nov at my Scan

Organising dad's funeral in lockdown 2, just a few months after organising mum's in lockdown 1. I just remember being sat crying that they both deserved so much better than we were allowed to give them.

When I was 15. My DF died, DM attempted suicide and my DB left home. I had to leave school to do whatever cash in hand work I could to make mortgage and bill payments so we kept the house.

I dont think I ever really recovered. DM remarried, DB went to uni and got a good job and I stayed stuck.

To be honest, it’s been pretty much a never ending cycle. It’s difficult to choose the lowest point.

Not being dramatic, I’ve had a shit life. Deaths (mother when I was a child for example), bullying, relationship issues, health issues in myself and family, devastating baby loss. It never bloody ends, each year brings something else.

Actually, I think the lowest point was walking around with my dead baby inside me for 4 weeks while I was waiting to miscarry and no one cared. The baby was dead, I was just supposed to get over it. But that’s really hard to do when it still has to come out somehow (and that ended up almost killing me when I haemorrhaged).

I thought my low point was last summer when it appears I hit burnout. I lost a new job and nearly became a missing person, I finally opened up to thinking I had depression and was having suicidal thoughts and my family deserted me. I've since found out I was battling severe depression and anxiety I also have undiagnosed autism and the mix of that plus unresolved family issues.

Would I go back to being undiagnosed depressive with suicidal thoughts not telling anyone but have a family Yes in a heartbeat. I'm alone and even the sadness and heartbreak isn't as strong as the depressive feelings I had but there'd so much depth to it.

@Sloughsabigplace

Actually, I think the lowest point was walking around with my dead baby inside me for 4 weeks while I was waiting to miscarry and no one cared. The baby was dead, I was just supposed to get over it. But that’s really hard to do when it still has to come out somehow (and that ended up almost killing me when I haemorrhaged).

This is so awfully sad, and so inhumane of the medics treating you. So sorry for what happened to you.

In my early 20s I suffered a breakdown and it was a bad one. I spent years housebound, and almost a year bedbound, suffering severe panic attacks multiple times a day. I couldn’t stand or walk for months and was almost hospitalised. I lost all my friends, hopes and dreams. It took a very long time to recover from. I can’t even think about those years.

Early Spring 2016. I suddenly sank into the deepest, despairing depression you could imagine. It was terrifying. I discovered the awful feelings that make people commit suicide. I thought I was having a breakdown - turns out it was the peri menopause. I'd actually lost virtually all my estrogen overnight and it triggered a mental collapse. Saw so many GPs, even a psychiatrist, but no one knew what was wrong with me.

I know so many words, but still cannot describe how utterly dreadful I felt. Finally saw a private consultant who specialised in hormonal depression. He told me that the average ages for women to commit suicide is between 48-52. He firmly believed that the vast majority were suffering with hormonal depression/anxiety. Within 8 weeks he'd cured me by prescribing high doses of estrogen and he saved my life.

I was diagnosed and treated for early breast cancer 2 years ago. Honestly it was a walk in the park compared to what I went through in 2016.

After being raped. Most people really have no idea. I try to explain it, and I think some people get some of it.

I've had breast cancer, chemo, surgery, etc and that was much easier for me to handle.

This summer; DD2 arrived prematurely and spent around a month in hospital, and shortly after her birth I was diagnosed with type 1 cancer. It really affected my mental health and ability to bond with her, she’s had reflux so was generally not a very happy baby, and I had to go through a lot of diagnostics alone due to covid restrictions. Then shortly before Christmas, my aunt died suddenly, which really took us all by surprise.

I’m slowly getting back to normal, and so far the cancer doesn’t seem to have spread, but there have been times this year where I’ve really not been coping well.

Mine was when my sister (who I was extremely close to) died suddenly in front of me when I was 17. I am now mid 30s and although from the outside look like I have moved on, the pain has completely shaped who I am as a person.

My Dad phoning at 4pm telling me to tell Mum that he'd left and wasn't coming home...... I was 13. The next day Mum took an overdose, I found her and she was admitted to a psych unit for months. Dad was too busy with his shiny new young OW for my sister and I so we lived with relatives until Mum came home. That was a pretty low time.

And when our second baby was stillborn. Seeing his lifeless body on a scan monitor and being told I'd have to deliver him was pretty much one of those moments when you just want your heart to stop beating. I was told by a very pissed off radiographer who'd been called in from home on a cold wet winters night..... and she was very unkind. I'll never forget her words as long as I live. DH had come to the hospital tired and pissed off after a long day, heard my heartbeat instead of baby's and said thank christ for that, can we go home now....... that truly was a low point too.

Funny how the human heart can take such pain and still beat.

@BoodleBug51

My Dad phoning at 4pm telling me to tell Mum that he'd left and wasn't coming home...... I was 13. The next day Mum took an overdose, I found her and she was admitted to a psych unit for months. Dad was too busy with his shiny new young OW for my sister and I so we lived with relatives until Mum came home. That was a pretty low time.

And when our second baby was stillborn. Seeing his lifeless body on a scan monitor and being told I'd have to deliver him was pretty much one of those moments when you just want your heart to stop beating. I was told by a very pissed off radiographer who'd been called in from home on a cold wet winters night..... and she was very unkind. I'll never forget her words as long as I live. DH had come to the hospital tired and pissed off after a long day, heard my heartbeat instead of baby's and said thank christ for that, can we go home now....... that truly was a low point too.

Funny how the human heart can take such pain and still beat.

I’m so sorry you were treated so poorly. The only time in my life I have come close to punching someone was the consultant who told me my baby had no heartbeat but that it was only 16 weeks, it wasn’t anything to get upset about. Dh had to stop me lashing out at her. Some people should not be in a profession where they have to show compassion.

My dh being made jobless (through no fault of his own,) and therefore homeless (house went with job) with 8 weeks notice.

We have 6 dc. I left home at 16 and we all moved in with my dad. I was so grateful to him for having us but so so upset and disappointed and scared all at the same time.

I felt and still do feel like I let our children down.

Now we rent a lovely place and I finished my degree and qualified as a primary teacher. Dh also found more work but it all feels so precarious......

That seems like nothing to you ladies who have lost babies and children though.
💐 for you all x

to you all.
I've had a decade of shit and it's not ending. OH almost successful suicide attempt. OH terrifying psychotic breakdown followed by months of abuse from him while still v ill. Separation after 25 yrs together. DS sudden onset paralysis terrifying. DD undiagnosed ASD. But this last week, the end of a new, and first relationship after long traumatic marriage is a serious contender. I finally thought my life was turning around and I'd found someone I could be happy with for the rest of my life. The grief is horrific and tonight feels unbearable.

like another poster, my whole life seems to be a mess of pain and tears some of it my fault some not
being abused separately by 3 people before I was 10
being groomed at 15 then raped
losing my son after another rape inflicted pregnancy
being in an abusive marriage for 13 years
being with another abusive man ending in him assaulting me with CS gas when I moved out breaking into my new home now have a lifelong order not to come near me
making a stupid mistake of listening to a narcissistic bastard who ended up with my kids being taken into care which has meant for the last 20 years I wake up every night crying and with nightmares, no counsellor can stop it and I feel so much guilt I wish I could die
Painkiller overdoses which would be my release and did not work
Unexpectedly a breakdown 3 years ago was probably caused by losing my dog very expectedly she was my free spirit wonderful girl and I never ever thought she was so ill she was running around fine and I never even said goodbye that morning she was pts plus a few other things. my partner came in just as I was fastening the rope around my neck one morning that was the point I had to somehow cope to be with my partner
Losing my darling mother we had a bad time when I was growing up too many secrets then we did not speak for several years then just as we got back together and I had my two girls she had ovarian cancer and died at 61 so many wasted years and she cried she did not want to leave my daughters she wanted to see them grow up
my darling dad who died of lung cancer from asbestos I had helped him for 15 years after mum died he was so close to me then he nursed me through pneumonia carbon monoxide poisoning and break ups including when I was attacked with cs gas
going to the Dr saying I wish I was dead I wanted to take an overdose I was so unhappy and him saying go on then despite the history of overdoses I had so I did. they fought to save me but I sometimes wish ...
breakdowns and alcohol addiction
having to move to a place where the landlord ripped me off moved a long way got there found house was derelict only one room vaguely habitable no way of securing the house so at night I would barricade myself in the one room and basically cry myself stupid or drink to oblivion all the time listening to Cheap Trick The Flame on repeat I was so so scared after that it was years before I had a half-decent place but was wrong time did not stop there long

The lowest point was when my family was forced into filthy accommodation, I had a baby and it was just horrible, antisocial neighbours, garden overgrown with thorns and weeds, no money, constant gas leaks, my dh was suicidal, it was so stressful and now we are facing a similar situation and I’m so scared, I don’t want us to go through any of it again

When our baby was seriously ill over the period of six months and we were getting ready for his death. He pulled through but many years later is left with the trauma of the medical interventions and has violent/challenging behaviour which we are living through for the past three years.

My D20 was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about 2 years ago. She has made several attempts. I feel deep gratitude for waking up everyday knowing she breathes. But equally despite her having intense therapy and several inpatient spells, I have had to radically accept that we may loose her....and there will be little that we can do. The pain of this is a constant weight in my guts and heart. Im rarely far from tears.

...she's a truly beautiful person.

to all, life can be so cruel.

I'm currently struggling a lot after finding out at 8 weeks pregnant that baby has no heartbeat. This is a much wanted little one and we weren't expecting this. I'm now in limbo, knowing they've passed and waiting for a miscarriage to happen. No signs of this and I still have pregnancy symptoms. I'm scared in case I need surgical management and have to go it alone due to COVID.