Page 3 | Have you ever bumped into a school bully later in life?

IcyWinterWonderland · 2022-01-14T19:05:03+00:00

Has anyone bumped into a school bully later in life? like years after leaving school? How did they react when they saw you? Did they look guilty? I recently saw one of my many school bullies and as I walked past her I said "You are a vile nasty bully". She replied "I don't think so" and scuttled off quickly.

WinterOfOurDiscoTent · 14/01/2022 22:32

No, but I stay well away from my home town, have changed my name and had a panic attack when someone I barely knew recognised me from school once.

Buytoomuchonebay · 14/01/2022 22:32

Im friends with one of my bullies on fb-our sons are best mates (met at school and they go drinking together as adults)
I don’t really interact with her but I would speak if I saw her at school
but I think it’s revenge enough that she has a condition that means she stinks of fish and poo-it’s something to do with her sweat

Another bully I pity-she’s mates with my friends and she was evil at school
She’d die if she found out that I knew she found it hard when her parents divorced so she’d do awful things like shit in the new partners shoes and leave vomit in their side of the bed
Her dd went to school with my dd and it’s an understatement to say the apple didn’t fall far from that tree
Her dd has 4 kids(she’ll be 25 now-first was born just after her 16th birthday) now and both mother and daughter look years older than their years,have had tough lives and both wear the spite on their faces

Another bully has had a very tough life-she’s a skint single mum with ss on her back,seems to be always pissed and has aged badly
I know she struggles
I just smile and walk on

Sunrae28 · 14/01/2022 22:34

I'm now friends with my school bully from 20+ years ago. She made my life hell in school but I've learnt now about the emotional/physical abuse she was receiving from her father as a child. She apologised to me years later and I forgave her. Shes done a lot of therapy and is now a genuinely nice person, it was hard to trust her but I now consider her a friend and she has actually supported me well in adulthood. She caused me lots of self esteem issues that i'm still dealing with today but actually being able to confront her about it all and tell her it how made me feel etc has helped to process it all.

TheRooom · 14/01/2022 22:42

Some proper mean people on here, and I'm not talking about the so-called bullies.

MrsColon · 14/01/2022 22:44

I think a lot of school bullies tell themselves it was normal teen behaviour. A chap who made my older sister's life a misery was incredibly defensive when he tried to kiss me at a club 5 years after I left school - apparently "it was just school, you should just let it go and get over it".

I told him that it's pretty easy for bullies to get over it, less so their victims, and that the best thing he could do at that point was to fuck off and try not to be such a bullying fuckface in future.

lovemyaussie · 14/01/2022 22:50

Yep, ended up working next door to my primary school bully for a while. I completely blanked her . She told a mutual acquaintance she couldn't understand what was wrong with me.....

Itsnotover · 14/01/2022 22:53

It depends - people who joined in often feel guilt.

Some bullies never change and grow up just as nasty as they were at school.

x2boys · 14/01/2022 22:54

@TheRooom

Some proper mean people on here, and I'm not talking about the so-called bullies.

I was thinking the same

Itsnotover · 14/01/2022 22:56

@TheRooom

Some proper mean people on here, and I'm not talking about the so-called bullies.

You expect people to be warm and fuzzy about people who made their life a misery at school?

At best, I can only assume you were never bullied yourself

Roosk · 14/01/2022 22:58

I wasn’t bullied, but the socially-powerful queen bees of my secondary school who did bully others appear to have gone past their peaks by their late teens. If I’m back visiting my parents (we’re all late 40s) I occasionally see one or two trudge past on the street looking ground down and sucking on a fag.

I don’t personally have any strong feelings about them either way, but it always interests me to remember how powerful and unconquerable they seemed when we were fifteen. If you’d asked me then, I’d have said they would always be on top of the heap for life.

It’s funny how (in my experience) school successes and hierarchies aren’t replicated at all in later life.

mandajmo · 14/01/2022 22:58

Not bumped into but received a gushing, friendly and bizarre message along with a Facebook friend request!! I accepted, had a quick nosey into her life then deleted (literally an hour later).

Itsnotover · 14/01/2022 23:00

@Roosk

I wasn’t bullied, but the socially-powerful queen bees of my secondary school who did bully others appear to have gone past their peaks by their late teens. If I’m back visiting my parents (we’re all late 40s) I occasionally see one or two trudge past on the street looking ground down and sucking on a fag.

I don’t personally have any strong feelings about them either way, but it always interests me to remember how powerful and unconquerable they seemed when we were fifteen. If you’d asked me then, I’d have said they would always be on top of the heap for life.

It’s funny how (in my experience) school successes and hierarchies aren’t replicated at all in later life.

This is so true. All the bullies I know look ten years older than they are whilst I (and others) look ten years younger.

ImInStealthMode · 14/01/2022 23:07

Yes, but only a handful of years later.

Long story short he was still a bully but that night had made a mistake picking his target, a male friend of mine who outwardly presented as quite feminine and hippy, but who was also experienced in martial arts.

I found myself in the odd position of having my former bully on the ground at my feet, vulnerable and having lost control of the situation. I took the opportunity to tell him some home truths and then we walked off as a group and left him there alone on the pavement (unharmed but hopefully humiliated & humbled).

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 14/01/2022 23:07

Not the school bully but someone in our group who wasn't that nice to me.
Me "hello, how are you?"
Other person "hello, you're still short then"
Me "and you're still ginger" as I walked off

That's utterly pathetic. You seem weirdly proud of yourself for using ginger as an insult.

Slingingcontest · 14/01/2022 23:12

Mine (well the ring-leader) got cancer and died in her thirties.

LittleOverWhelmed · 14/01/2022 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

JustSinginIntheRain · 14/01/2022 23:28

Yes. She remembered picking on people and regretted it. About three of the people she picked on were there and had all overcome it, but she had been badly affected / received counselling. I ended up feeling a bit sorry for even though she scared me a lot when I was young.

MsTSwift · 14/01/2022 23:29

Yes though she didn’t bully me to be fair but did bully others. I went to a school reunion as I happened to be visiting my parents. I was with Dh very pregnant with a toddler. We walked round the corner and there she was. She actually asked if I wanted to go and drink some cider in the school car park an offer that was quite easy to decline. Still rough as old boots.

LadyOfMisrule · 14/01/2022 23:29

A girl who was really unpleasant to me at school started working for a friend of mine. I just chat to her as the woman she is now; neither of us is the children we were then. She admitted to my friend that she felt really guilty.

Kelly7889 · 14/01/2022 23:34

I am in my fifties and went to a school reunion with people I hadn't seem since 1982. The school bully was a big boy called john who the whole school was terrified of. He was funny, clever but terrifying atthe same time. Even though it was a strict school, the bullying from him was seriously bad. He loved girls and would hide in doorways and jump out at you. I was afraid of him but he didn't single me out for punishment. He went to borstal at 15 after he stole a digger and wreaked havoc with it.

I was stunned to see him at the reunion. He was so fun and charming - the same, but not the same - all the bad gone. He was surrounded by people the whole night. It was so odd - like he was a star. When I came in, he said "Hi Kelly - it's great to see you" like 40 years hadn't passed. it was absolutely bizarre. I looked him up online afterwards - he has a massive company employing over 1,000 people. he came from a very grim background. he did ok.

Jisforjuggling · 14/01/2022 23:36

Not a school bully, but a work bully. I last saw him was about 12 years ago. He made me feel utterly worthless- I wrote suicide notes blaming him. I was due to go on a course a couple of months ago and they circulated the candidate list about a week before. His name was on it. I burst into tears and had huge flashbacks. I cancelled my place. I just couldn’t go back there.

NearlyAHoarder · 14/01/2022 23:37

A girl who tried to bully me committed suicide last year. Over a year ago just.

She was nice to most people. One of those, two different personalities on the go. Super lovely to people she thought were powerful/dominant. She tried to bully me as I was leaving the toilets one day, I said, are you a bully now? She laughed and said ah go wan!

I always knew she was fucked up but I think it was a shock to
most of our year when she committed suicide.

Another girl though, a friend of the one above, she wrote me a message apologising for having bullied me which baffled me. I never recall her bullying me. So strange. I can only assume they sat around trashing me for some reason but I was thankfully unaware of it.

I'm in the unusual position I think of having encountered more adult bullies. I've had two covert scapegoating narcissists giving me the silent treatment to exclude me from a group. And that's hard to deal with, you can't confront the silent treatment (that's why they do it)

NearlyAHoarder · 14/01/2022 23:42

@Roosk

I wasn’t bullied, but the socially-powerful queen bees of my secondary school who did bully others appear to have gone past their peaks by their late teens. If I’m back visiting my parents (we’re all late 40s) I occasionally see one or two trudge past on the street looking ground down and sucking on a fag.

I don’t personally have any strong feelings about them either way, but it always interests me to remember how powerful and unconquerable they seemed when we were fifteen. If you’d asked me then, I’d have said they would always be on top of the heap for life.

It’s funny how (in my experience) school successes and hierarchies aren’t replicated at all in later life.

So true, the world over.

CookieCrunch123 · 14/01/2022 23:51

I don’t know. There were a few bullies at school. They all seemed to have really rough lives outside school tbh. That doesn’t make it okay but they certainly didn’t have an easy time themselves. Also these types do a pretty good job of messing up their own lives with their vile attitude to humans and their poor behaviour. I prefer to leave them to it than to waste my time or energy now I don’t have to associate with them.

LondonQueen · 14/01/2022 23:52

I was never "bullied" but there was always one girl that thought she was above everyone and would constantly degrade fashion choices, family cars, houses etc. I ran into her a few weeks back and she was working as a waitress in a local restaurant. She looked shocked to see me and complimented my dress and bag. I hope she has grown out of her teenage snobbery.