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Original poster

Man and "" his money""

64 replies

Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 18:07

Ok living with a man whom is disabled, I work but only part time and we get topped up with benefits! The fact I've told you he is disabled is because he is at home all the time so I understand needs a interest or a hobby! We work out money so we have set amount each spare money we are lucky but I am angry as he can spend hundreds a month on scalextric yes u heard me correct brand new, second hand etc he buys and sells but doesn't make profit it's just a interest , I caught him recently useing clear pay to order stuff he don't have credit cards etc I had a huge go at him about getting into debt to buy stuff he agreed not to do agagin, am I been unreasonable to think that 200 a month on scalextric is a joke???? It's a hobby but he gets obsessed he recently got a pay out from a no win no fee thing and was supposed to have paid the fee for doing this 700 quid I know he hasn't paid it and I have a feeling he has spent that cash is it fair to demand to see his bank account?

OP posts:
samwitwicky · 11/01/2022 18:10

What is your relationship?

Elieza · 11/01/2022 18:10

You can’t control his spending. It’s his money and his responsibility to pay his bills. And yes the no win company will chase him up for their fee and add to their costs if he doesn’t pay as they did that to my friend.

What you can do is tell him you aren’t prepared to live with someone who is getting into debt and you’re off.

He sounds bored. It would be better if he could find something more constructive to do with his free time. Perhaps someone wiser than me may have some suggestions.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/01/2022 18:12

I don’t know what clear pay is but are you saying he’s getting into debt for a hobby when he doesn’t have a lot of money?

Georgeskitchen · 11/01/2022 18:21

If you share bills/housekeeping etc yes you are entitled to quiz him over finances, and if it will impact you.
And yes 200 quid on scalectrix is a bit excessive!!

Original poster
Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 18:37

We live together, bills are paid and this is his "spending budget"he would get into debt ,clear pay is a buy now pay over x weeks but I stopped it, I'm just angry if he has spent money for costs of his no win no fee thing they will chase ""us"" for it I'm Abit annoyed I dare not ask the question as I think I'd go mental!

OP posts:
Elieza · 11/01/2022 18:41

Clear pay is like klarna. It’s credit.

You get to buy the stuff you want now and pay it back in ‘easy’ weekly instalments.

It encourages those who don’t have money to spend more.

My friend spent hundreds on Christmas presents as “it’s only xx quid a week repayments”.Problem is she won’t have cleared it by the time the next event comes round so the weekly repayments go up and up as more stuff goes on credit for Valentine’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays etc until she can no longer pay.

She’s been bankrupt before and this is the only credit she can get so she’s going crazy on it.

So dangerous.

Havilland · 11/01/2022 18:41

If his benefits pay his share of the bills that’s great but if you feel the money he has left over could be better spent on combining with your spare money to build a better life foe you then you have to decide if the relationship is for you or not.

He may only see his life as being gratified for the present but you may have long term goals and that is obviously going to cause a clash.

CorrBlimeyGG · 11/01/2022 18:48

Are you in a relationship with man? Is the impulsive spending related to his disability?

Original poster
Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 18:49

Thanks that's good advice I feel mean it's his spending money but I pay Xmas meals out etc etc outta mine his all goes on shit, I've found myself buying loads of clothes which is fun I enjoy it but I don't need I just think sod it another car spend my money on me , we will stop going out as a couple if I'm paying all the time I can see it not that we do much in current covid times but you get what I'm saying

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 11/01/2022 18:57

I'd talk to Stepchange or Christians Against Poverty. He sounds in quite a lot of trouble with controlling his impulses online.

Original poster
Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 18:59

Please don't think we not paying bills etc coz we are it's his "" spending money"" so I don't know if I have the right to dictate how he spends or saves it I just think to myself yet another parcel !!!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/01/2022 19:01

I would find it very difficult to respect him. What is the point of living with someone when you don’t trust them financially?

Ihatestripysocks · 11/01/2022 19:02

Mis matched and spending is always problem with couples. You obviously are low income household if he doesn’t work and you work part time. If your aiming for better way spend any spare cash on things together or to improve quality of life then it’s not going work if his idea of that is basically toys.
Either you accept that you over spend on your share and you never have much to show for things or you decide to walk away and find similar person who wants what you want our life. Staying long term when anything as a couple has to be paid for by you is just asking for life time of resentment

Original poster
Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 19:06

I cannot fault him in any other way he is perfect , really I cannot he's loving loyal it's just the selfishness with his money he Didi buy me Xmas present etc so he does buy me stuff it's just the scalextric becomes a obsessed with , I think he needs a hobby but I am annoyed may just ask him to show me his bank account is that unreasonable

OP posts:
KilljoysDutch · 11/01/2022 19:11

Scalextric is his hobby so he doesn't need a hobby. He's disabled but he pays half of the bills correct? This is money you both get to yourselves each month so the only problem seems to be that you don't like what he is choosing to spend his money on. You're not forced to take him out if you don't want to, he buys you gifts and you say he's perfect in every other way except his hobby. I Can see there is a problem with the no fee win possibly not being paid but you don't even know for sure that he hasn't you just suspect.
I think you're too caught up in obsessing how he spends his money when that's not a problem it's his personal money and you don't have any right to say what he can spend his money on same as he has no right to tell you what you can or can not buy.

Original poster
Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 19:14

Thank you I think I will just ask him outright and like I say he pays his half for stuff or we don't do stuff I suppose his spending like u say is his choice I have to accept it even if I don't like it I suppose , although if he has spent that money I'm not sure what my reaction will be to be honest xxx

OP posts:
grapewine · 11/01/2022 19:14

Scalextric is his hobby so he doesn't need a hobby. He's disabled but he pays half of the bills correct? This is money you both get to yourselves each month so the only problem seems to be that you don't like what he is choosing to spend his money on.

This is how I read it too. And I'd be pissed off if I were him.

MysweetAudrina · 11/01/2022 19:16

I feel sorry for him. It sounds like this is his only outlet. He is using his own money to fund it and is covering his share of outgoings. The whole idea of having discretionary spends is to spend it on what you want and not have to justify it to anyone else.

Havilland · 11/01/2022 19:18

I hats wrong with scalextric?

Sounds like an great hobby to me!

Especially when he boils spending it on prostitutes, gambling, drugs etc which you often read about on here.

TabithaTittlemouse · 11/01/2022 19:21

I’m really struggling to follow your posts.

Are you in debt because of his spending or not?

TabithaTittlemouse · 11/01/2022 19:21

@grapewine

Scalextric is his hobby so he doesn't need a hobby. He's disabled but he pays half of the bills correct? This is money you both get to yourselves each month so the only problem seems to be that you don't like what he is choosing to spend his money on.

This is how I read it too. And I'd be pissed off if I were him.

Same!
Original poster
Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 19:23

Not in debt just annoyed he's spending 2 to 3 hundred a month on what I see as toys even if it is his availability spend!!!!

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 11/01/2022 19:23

Sounds like my fil, obsessed with one thing after another, spent a load of money on stuff, pointless rubbish and thoroughly boring about it. Thing is, he couldn’t really afford it and should have been using his money more sensibly. If it’s his money and it’s not affecting you paying bills, then can you bollock him?

Not going to lie, I’d be cross, it’s pointless and how much does he have and why? Is it a hoarding issue?

WallaceinAnderland · 11/01/2022 19:24

If it's his money he can spend it how he likes. But if he gets into debt it's also his debt.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/01/2022 19:24

He can spend as much as he likes on Scalextric within his personal spending money. That's the whole idea of separating personal money and bills money. Bills get paid and you don't have arguments because you think Scalextric is a waste of money or he thinks whatever non essential you buy is a waste. You both have an affordable amount to spend how you like.

What's not OK is if he stops paying his share of the bills or gets into debt that prevents him from paying his share of the bills in future, for example if he starts to use bills money to pay his debts.

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