Man and "" his money""

[Pickle40]

Ok living with a man whom is disabled, I work but only part time and we get topped up with benefits! The fact I've told you he is disabled is because he is at home all the time so I understand needs a interest or a hobby! We work out money so we have set amount each spare money we are lucky but I am angry as he can spend hundreds a month on scalextric yes u heard me correct brand new, second hand etc he buys and sells but doesn't make profit it's just a interest , I caught him recently useing clear pay to order stuff he don't have credit cards etc I had a huge go at him about getting into debt to buy stuff he agreed not to do agagin, am I been unreasonable to think that 200 a month on scalextric is a joke???? It's a hobby but he gets obsessed he recently got a pay out from a no win no fee thing and was supposed to have paid the fee for doing this 700 quid I know he hasn't paid it and I have a feeling he has spent that cash is it fair to demand to see his bank account?

If his hobby is funded by his own money and it has no effect on you then it’s none of your business.
However, if it means you have to contribute more to household expenses or socialising etc then it’s not ok.
I can also understand why you are worried about him keeping all off the money from the claim and not paying the firm involved because while you might not be liable if they come after him for it then he will have even less money to contribute and you may have to pay more.

It's his money to spend on what he wants.
You should have both thought about budgeting for presents, savings etc.
No win no fee take their cut before passing on the money.
If you asked to see my bank account I would laugh.
You will also be benefiting going to attractions, cinemas and using public transport as carers get in free.

Good grief. OP opens by telling us s/he is living with a man. Usually we all understand the meaning of that without problems.

However, the man is disabled, so OP gets multiple queries about whether she is in a relationship with him. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The state of ableism here.

So is the savings situation what’s really winding you up?

Why don’t you tweak the system to “bills paid jointly, savings made jointly (in joint or separate accounts) after that you each have spending money to use at your discretion”? Do you think he would agree to that?

Hold on, isn't the issue here that you think he's £700 in debt? Don't they just take the money for their fees before you get your final payout with a no win no fee?

@IncompleteSenten

You're not married, share no children and pay the bills equally. What he chooses to spend the rest of his money on is none of your business and no, credit he takes out in his name is not your debt. It's his

If he has no money for meals out and you resent that then don't pay for him. Go with someone else. Tell him he can spend all his money on this but you won't be subbing him and if that means he misses out then that's his choice.

This. Open a savings account for yourself just in your name. Put what you are comfortable/can afford into it. Tell him You will pay for for your families gifts birthdays, Christmas and he pays for his own. If that means they get nothing. Thats not your problem. If he wants to go out then he contributes or you go by yourself or no-one goes. However what you cannot do is demand to see his bank account. If he is paying towards bills his leftover money is his and nothing to do with you.

@girlmom21
No win no fee do not take their cut first as it comes directly from the ppi company (or whatever) to the person.

Sometimes the fees are horrific. The one my friend did took 50%. Half. OMG My friend got a £6k cheque and she saw all that money she spent it. Then they told her they would take her to court for their three grand fees per the contract.

She then didn’t pay some other bills, like council tax etc, in order to ‘save’ the money to pay them back the £3k she owed. So I can understand why the OP is worried.

I personally couldn’t live like that. It will affect any credit rating he has and one debt can so easily lead to another.

He needs another thing to do or a hobby. Perhaps he could help a charity list dogs for rehoming on their website or some other computer based charity endeavour that would break up his day, within the confines of his disability and benefit rules, and give him something to get his mind off his only source of challenge / pleasure/ excitement.

Because that’s presumably what it’s like. It’s all he has. It’s a buzz for him to do well. Like it’s a buzz for me when my boss says I did well I suppose. It must be hard.

It would be good if he was capable of some ‘work’. But perhaps not more than an hour a day or whatever. And nobody would employ him for that so he needs something else. Hence voluntary work or an online educational course or something could be the way to go. Providing within benefits rules.

Oh thanks @Elieza - I just assumed. I've never actually experienced it so it's good to know!

Why does this man need another hobby or to do charity work or whatever, just because OP doesn't agree with how another adult spends money after bills are paid?

If she can't live with the set up, she's free to leave the relationship. She's not entitled to dictate how he prioritises time and money.

@grapewine
Because he is obsessed with his hobby because it’s all he has in his life due to being in the house incapacitated. I’m basing this on my own struggles while I was on the sick long term after working for 30 years. It’s hard.

He has nothing else. How sad and boring life must be, trapped at home with nothing to do, no value to society, just days weeks and months of boredom. You look for excitement and achievements. His source is bidding on or buying toy cars is his excitement. He has no other source of achievement. For an intelligent person struck down with illness that can be hard. Especially for guys who want to be the breadwinner and all they can win now is a toy car.

Or that might just be me and my experience and he’s a lazy guy who isn’t interested in helping anyone or being a good guy or contribute to society and just wants to have fun all day and not care about the financial or relationship consequences.

Who knows!

Ok so after investigations it turns out he hasn't paid the 700 quid debt and yes believe it or not no win no fee he got invoiced for the money ,hasn't paid it so they chaseing him for it , the amount of cars he got of late obscene so I'm guessing it's gone on cars, the spending money after thought I agree I cannot tell him what to spend on , but I'm bloody livid he now has a debt even if it's not in my name

Seperate your finances, and maybe start working full time yourself and having some financial security? If you're both relying on his benefits because you don't work, I'd probably change that. You save your money, he can blow his, but you have a safety net available for you, which isn't his.

I don't think that you are compatible Op

I disagree we get on so well and I love him deeply I help him so much and I love our life I'm just gutted how he is with cash