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Original poster

Man and "" his money""

64 replies

Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 18:07

Ok living with a man whom is disabled, I work but only part time and we get topped up with benefits! The fact I've told you he is disabled is because he is at home all the time so I understand needs a interest or a hobby! We work out money so we have set amount each spare money we are lucky but I am angry as he can spend hundreds a month on scalextric yes u heard me correct brand new, second hand etc he buys and sells but doesn't make profit it's just a interest , I caught him recently useing clear pay to order stuff he don't have credit cards etc I had a huge go at him about getting into debt to buy stuff he agreed not to do agagin, am I been unreasonable to think that 200 a month on scalextric is a joke???? It's a hobby but he gets obsessed he recently got a pay out from a no win no fee thing and was supposed to have paid the fee for doing this 700 quid I know he hasn't paid it and I have a feeling he has spent that cash is it fair to demand to see his bank account?

OP posts:

Havilland · 11/01/2022 19:26

What would you like him to spend his spare cash on?

Is it the scalextric that you don’t like in particular?

What it was Pokemon? Would that be ok?

Original poster

Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 19:26

He has alot! My meaning is example if he has fifty quid left it won't be saved or spent on anything other than another car!! Think I just need to be tighter with my money so he has to spend his on Xmas birthdays etc meals out else I pay for everything and he just buys crap!!!!!, Don't mind some but 150 two cars c'mon and this is every month

OP posts:

grapewine · 11/01/2022 19:30

OP, if you were a man coming on here to bitch about what your partner spent spare cash on because you didn't approve of their choices, you'd get your arse handed to you and be called financially abusive. Leave the man alone with his hobby.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/01/2022 19:32

In that case, if £200 pm personal spending money each isn't affordable with your other essentials and 'nice to haves' like Christmas, birthdays, meals out etc, then you need a conversation about how to divide up your money so everything you need and want can be bought.

But be prepared for him to not agree with you about what gets spent on different things.

Brigante9 · 11/01/2022 19:34

I’d be asking what his long term aim for the Scaletrix is. He won’t make a profit selling it. Where is he storing it? Does he use it?

BarbaraofSeville · 11/01/2022 19:38

That's a good question @Brigante9. Does he use all these cars?

Plus, if he's buying 2 cars a month, it can't be long before he has all the different cars and even he can see that he doesn't need any more.

He's spending £150 pm on them, there will be plenty of people who spend more than that on a night out or two each week and they'll have nothing at all physical to show for the money spent, it could well be that if he realises he has too many cars, he could sell some, even if it loses money.

Original poster

Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 19:39

It holds it's value I've learnt qlot and it's very collectable atm but he just loves cars which is great but think I will have words and say he needs to start contribution towards outings etc or it won't happen thanks for advice I want him to have a hobby and a life I'd n ver try to not let him have any cash I just want him to be Abit more considerate

OP posts:

Spudbitch · 11/01/2022 19:43

If he is disabled stuck at home with not much else to do doesn't have to pay for commuting doesn't really drink smoke and this is his money after the bills who are you to tell him what he can and can't spend his money on. Lots of people have hobbies gym membership, playing football, Yoga, evening classes, buying clothes, going out leave him alone and stop trying to financially control.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/01/2022 19:45

He needs to LTB.

If he's paying his share of bills then you do not get to dictate what he spends his spare cash on.

I would 100% leave someone who decided they'd try and bully me into doing things their way like this. It's disgusting behaviour.

TabithaTittlemouse · 11/01/2022 19:51

How would you like him to manage his money?

Original poster

Pickle40 · 11/01/2022 20:08

I wouldn't ""control him""and take money away from him at all I just wanted opinions on his spending bills are paid yes,but we have no savings and like I say I pay out my share for Xmas etc , he smokes alot actually around 100 a month on baccy but again that comes out his spending and is his choice

OP posts:

KilljoysDutch · 11/01/2022 20:24

@Pickle40

I Think your best bet here is to have a conversation about personal spends and perhaps agree to cut them back by £50 each which then goes into a "fun fund" that you can use for dates and stuff to do together. Other than that just breathe, let it go and find yourself something fun to collect too

grapewine · 11/01/2022 21:26

If you're buying all the presents, sit down and set a new amount for personal spending that takes into account that you both need to contribute to these expenses.

Magnited · 11/01/2022 21:40

Healthy take on this thread.

DartmoorChef · 11/01/2022 21:49

"I'm just angry if he has spent money for costs of his no win no fee thing they will chase ""us"" for it"

What's all this bit about??

Elieza · 11/01/2022 22:49

Surely they can’t come after you for his debt?

I don’t know English law though being in Scotland.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2022 05:45

Of course they can't come after the OP for his debts unless it was a joint account/agreement.

On the matter of the no win no fee thing, surely they will have taken the £700 before he got the money? No-one's going to take a risk doing all the work for that sort of thing, transfer the all of the payout and then hope that the recipient is kind enough to pay the fee?

Simonjt · 12/01/2022 05:48

Are you happy for him to choose what you can spend your money on?

AlDanvers · 12/01/2022 06:17

@Pickle40

So it's husband spending money. And you think you can demand to see his account?

You don't like what he sounds it in be arsed you see it as 'rubbish'. That is controlling.

If my dp told me what I could and couldn't spend my money on and I posted here, he would rightly be called controlling.

If the problem is that you have no savings, maybe both of you should have less indicidual spending money. And that additional goes into savings.

felulageller · 12/01/2022 08:56

Is he autistic?

JorisBonson · 12/01/2022 08:59

@HunterHearstHelmsley

He needs to LTB.

If he's paying his share of bills then you do not get to dictate what he spends his spare cash on.

I would 100% leave someone who decided they'd try and bully me into doing things their way like this. It's disgusting behaviour.

Yep.

Diggersaursarethebest · 12/01/2022 09:03

Maybe you should add in some savings pots for fun things. So instead of 300 a month spending money each, you have 200 each and 50 each goes in a pot towards a holiday and 50 each towards days/meals out date nights concerts - whatever things you both enjoy doing as a couple.

IncompleteSenten · 12/01/2022 09:03

You're not married, share no children and pay the bills equally.
What he chooses to spend the rest of his money on is none of your business and no, credit he takes out in his name is not your debt. It's his

If he has no money for meals out and you resent that then don't pay for him. Go with someone else. Tell him he can spend all his money on this but you won't be subbing him and if that means he misses out then that's his choice.

stuntbubbles · 12/01/2022 09:06

My meaning is example if he has fifty quid left it won't be saved or spent on anything other than another car!! Think I just need to be tighter with my money so he has to spend his on Xmas birthdays etc meals out else I pay for everything and he just buys crap!!!!!,

I’m struggling to follow your posts, but is it that at Christmas only you bought gifts and he didn’t, when you go out for a meal you always pay, only you buy birthday presents and it’s not reciprocated, etc? And technically he should have the money to pay half of meals and treats, and buy reciprocal gifts, because he’s got £300 spending money a month (£200 Scalextric + £100 tobacco)?

If so, you’re not BU… but his spending is his choice. He obviously prefers Scalextric and tobacco to meals out and being generous. It’s your choice whether you continue a relationship with someone with no financial sense, no savings and increasing debt, and who doesn’t want to share with you but is happy having a free ride for meals and treats. Personally I’d have left a long time ago.

ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 12/01/2022 09:08

We have a similar money management system op. Bill's paid , then spending money equally split etc. You're being completely unreasonable regarding this. Would you like it if he held up your new clothes and shamed you for buying them? The answer is probably not , because it's controlling. You are being controlling op.

You don't seem to like him very much from what I see here. If that's the case then do him a favour and leave him.

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