Access to your partner's phone

[WhalesTales]

Just wondering what is normal here. Do you have full access to your partner's phone and do you use it just because. I mean reading emails, WhatsApp messages and going through photos. And how soon after getting together would you expect this access?

The only and I mean only time I would ever go through DH's phone is if he is actually acting shady. Otherwise, I would never violate his privacy like that for no good reason. Does that make it right to go through his phone just because he's acting shady? Absolutely not. But what I'm saying is that's the only time it would even remotely occur to me to do so. Otherwise, no, it's a violation of privacy and I'd need a very good reason to do that. And even then, I would still feel horrible about it.

To be honest, I think anyone who lets a partner or boyfriend/girlfriend access their phone, is a really poor friend

That surely depends what they’re accessing it for.

I guess I have full access in the sense that I know is password? It's left on the side. If he is driving he asks me to check who messaged etc.

I can honestly say I have never secretly gone through it and looked at emails or messages.

I must admit my ex was cheating and would take his phone everywhere, under the pillow to sleep. When I got with my partner I was shocked that leaving the phone out was normal !

Our phones are always lying around and we know each other’s passcodes so I’m sure if we wanted to we could have a look but neither of us do. Sometimes we will go onto each other’s if there’s something like a photo we want to send to ourselves or maybe put on a video for one of the kids but I certainly don’t snoop on it and can’t imagine he would be interested in mine either.

I don't think it's necessary to have access to your partner 's phone. But on the other hand, if you have an intimate relationship with someone keeping your phone private seems a bit odd...

I could if I wanted and vice versa but I have zero interest in doing so.

Absolutely not, just like I wouldn't open his mail or listen into his phonecalls.

If there was a reason I needed to use his phone I'd expect it to be given without question, but routine access, never, no way.

If you're in a relationship where you feel you need it, it's not doing you any good so change it.

We both know each other's password. Sometimes if DH is lying around and mines upstairs I'll send a message from his etc. neither of us would just randomly browse each other's messages or photos though.

I have full access to DH phone and he has to mine. It would never occur to either of us to go through messages. We show each other anything interesting or funny anyway. If I was in a committed relationship I would expect to be able to access oh phone in case I need to use it but if I felt the need to check up on them like that I would end the relationship. To me a relationship without trust is just not possible.

He knows the passcode (but forgets it) I know his. Sometimes it's handy if one of us is driving the other one can check if someone has texted.... But I don't habitually go through his messages/phone and neither does he. We also don't open each other's post.

He'll happily pass me his phone to look at stuff and vice versa.

I'd find it weird and controlling if he wanted to read my messages.

I can but don't except if necessary. If he's driving he'll ask me to read text messages, and if he's out of the house I'll read the notification and reply if necessary. But I don't snoop.

We don't do this at all. My phone is just that - MY phone. I have a PIN to unlock it.

Same for DH. I'm pretty sure I would know what the PIN is to unlock his phone but would never do it.

Everyone is entitled to some privacy.

We know one another’s password so I could look if I wanted to but I don’t.

Never. I've borrowed ex partners' phones when I needed to but I would never expect or want to read their messages, go through their photos etc. why would you?!

DW and I used to know each other's passwords but a couple of years ago she was feeling particularly threatened by a situation and looked through my messages. I had not done anything wrong (an ex had contacted me and I was open with her about this / ex was from 20 years ago, DW and I have been together for 14 years, always faithful etc) and we spoke about it at great length. For weeks afterwards she raided my phone in her insecurities and found more and more things to pick apart / read into (not the ex - that was a one off conversation). Eventually, I changed my password. This comes up regularly if she is feeling insecure - she doesn't trust me enough to not check my phone and I don't trust her enough not to check my phone....

Never. I don't want to.

I have access as he leaves it lying around and it’s not locked in anyway. Do I go through his calls and messages? Nope. Mine has face recognition to keep teen DD out of it, DH knows the non-face passcode so could access it if he wanted to.

We know each other's pins but the only time we ever use them is to change the music in the car if we're the passenger. I wouldn't dream of looking through.

I can access everything of my husband's, I know all of his passwords (mostly because he's useless at admin and I tend to do it for him) but I have to say, if I wanted to snoop at his messages, I already know that they are going to be soooo boring - just him and his mates talking about football. Yawn. I have no desire to look at his messages as I trust him. And likewise with him - he would be very bored if he was to read my messages. Mostly me and my friends sending messages back and forth to each other and thinking we're hilarious.

DH can access my phone. He knows the pin to unlock it so could access my messages (and does if I ask him to read it when it pings and I’m busy), he can (but probably doesn’t) look at my emails plus he knows the password to log into my account anyway. He can’t see my work emails on my phone as they have a different password and contain confidential info.

I can’t unlock his phone as it is a work phone with super duper security on it but I can see messages come in and I know his passwords to his emails etc.

I simply don’t have any need to access his phone.

We share all banking so no secrets there either.

Each can, but neither does, unless it's to ring the other's phone when it's been misplaced.