Access to your partner's phone

[WhalesTales]

Just wondering what is normal here. Do you have full access to your partner's phone and do you use it just because. I mean reading emails, WhatsApp messages and going through photos. And how soon after getting together would you expect this access?

Neither of us look at each other's phone and never have. It's private.

We both technically have full access in that we know each other’s passcodes to unlock them. We both use the other’s phone occasionally, but generally only while the other is there, eg if my phone was charging upstairs and I wanted to check the weather, I’d just say “I’m just using your phone to check the weather”, I wouldn’t technically ask, but wouldn’t do it without mentioning it.
So theoretically both of us could sneakily look through the other’s phone while they’re asleep/in the shower etc. But we don’t have permission for that, and if he said that he expected to be able to look through my messages, I wouldn’t find that acceptable.

No and I wouldn't want it. To insist on that would be the end of the relationship for me.

No, that’s bloody weird. My partner and I know each other’s passcodes and could, in theory, do that, but we wouldn’t. It would feel very odd and intrusive. We’ve been together a decade and share a house and a child.

My partner technically could read everything but I don’t think he does just the same as I could read his but I don’t. I don’t feel the need to.

No. Been together 15 years. I have had access to emails briefly. He has no access to mine either.

For me it's like asking for full access to someone's written diary. You just don't.
If I wanted to search through my DHs or teenagers phones then I could, if they wanted to go through mine they could, we all know each others passwords, but its just something you don't do.

Been with partner 15 years. Our phones are private.

Never would. In fact if he read my group chats with friends he'd think I'm utterly unhinged, we talk utter (bit funny...to us) nonsense

Been married for 10 years - neither of us access the other's phone, but if I needed to borrow it I can't imagine DH having an issue with that. I definitely think you need some privacy and boundaries even in a long term relationship. We are very very close, but still respect each other's privacy.

Apologies OP, I didn't realise you were referring to someone else.

My husband and I have always been able to use each other's phones but neither of us looks personal stuff.

We know each others pins so can access each others phones but I would never go through it. Generally I might use his phone to ring my phone if lost.

I would find it strange not to have access to phone (as we always have) but I wouldn't go through. Conversation between me and my friends may be private.

No access, no interest! Plus it's private and to look through each others communications would be intrusive. He's on multiple WhatsApp groups anyway where they all talk "*t, does my head in just seeing the messages flash up all the time!

We both know each other's codes but out of respect we don't check each other's phones.

It really isn't normal, but you know that. I hope your friend realises too before she becomes too entrenched in this destructive web.

No, never. It's not just a breach of your partner's privacy but that of everyone who has messaged them.

I would be concerned that your friend is in an abusive relationship as it's very common for controlling partners to check their partners phones

I'm pretty sure that part of the T&Cs for being able to access my work email on my phone is that nobody else has access to it. Ditto my DH.

We have been together for 10 years. I used to know the password (and snooped a few times, but there was reasons for that, and I was very depressed at the time) I, don't have access to hos phone and he doesntvhave access to mine (also for good reason).

My partner told me his pass code very early on (not that I can remember it) & he regularly lets me use his phone if needed & visa versa. I only recently added a pass code to mine, at DPs insistence & he knows the code. I never used to have one as my EX would have went ballistic- he regularly checked my phone but I wasn't allowed to check his. That along with MANY other reasons he is now an EX.
It's not normal for a partner to check/snoop on their partners phone. It's abuse.

I could, I know his passcode, his emails are duplicated on his iPad which he doesn't take to work but I don't because I'm not snooping (and 90% is boring work stuff) I borrowed his phone on holiday because he has free worldwide calls (perk, work phone). I don't understand why anyone would snoop

What about the privacy of the person who is messaging either of the couple? I wouldn't like to think my own emails or texts to friends are being devoured by their husbands too. It's creepy.

Crikey no, that’s weird.

My boyfriend of a year doesn’t know my passcode. I’d hand over my phone to show him a picture, weblink or email for example as I haven’t got anything to hide but I certainly wouldn’t expect him to be picking up my phone and going through it.

I know his code but again I wouldn’t dream of going through his phone. It’s personal.

Reading each other’s messages is just outrageous. I might read one out loud to him if a friend said something funny but if I found out he was reading my chats with friends I’d be furious. They’re private and personal. If I messaged a friend and discovered her/his partner was reading my messages to them regularly I’d be unsettled and would reconsider the content of my messages and want to talk to them about their relationship.

Been with DP for about 5 years and we are late 40s. We have access to each other’s phones but would never use them to go and snoop. Only times we’d look have been (say) when he’s been driving and wants me to check a text message that has come in on his phone , or if I want to show him some pics I’ve taken I’ll open my camera roll and hand my phone over.

We would never just pick up each other’s phones and look through it, that’s a massive invasion of privacy. And it’s an invasion of privacy of friends if you are reading text messages a friend has sent to a DP. Wok,d not want to be in a relationship with someone who was like that.

I wonder why they told you that? Perhaps they've got other concerns about their relationship and are reaching out ? How long have they been together? Do you have any other concerns?

We have each other’s passwords and occasionally will look at each other’s email inboxes if there’s something expected that might go to the other person. I’d never go scrolling through texts or WhatsApps and even if I was looking at emails I wouldn’t read anything personal. We open post addressed to the other if it looks boring too.

DH and I know each others passcodes so can access each others if needed. The kids all know them too. (We don't now theirs as they're all adults now.) However, that's come about from needing access when driving or similar.
Nobody looks 'just because' and neither of us are away from their phone long enough for a deceitful snoop.
If I was suspicious and wanted a look, I'd ask. His reaction would tell me all I need to know.