Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Just de-christmassed the house and feel so sad

77 replies

bloodywhitecat · 02/01/2022 11:48

Because DH is asleep in his bed in the living room. All signs of Christmas are gone but all signs of his cancer rapidly taking hold are there. I don't know if I can do this. I keep leaving the room to cry.

OP posts:
Whitepaperroses · 02/01/2022 13:06

Sending love and strength to you OP. Life is so incredibly tough sometimes and so so unfair. Take one minute at a time.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 02/01/2022 13:10

So sorry and wishing you strength for the Times ahead. Life can truly be a bitch.

gluenotsoup · 02/01/2022 13:47

Just thinking, I know it’s not really the point, but if the significance of taking all the decorations away and is he symbolising of past and future is too much to bear, can you and dh choose something together that stays out all the time? Then there is no end and no beginning, but something constant? We have fairy lights all year twined through a vase of flowers, only tiny but always there. And when dd was younger she bought for me a knitted red and white heart shaped tree decoration, and said as long as I kept it where I could see it, it would always remind me of how much she loves me, like the unbreakable bond in Harry Potter. I never have put it away. I hope you don’t think I’m telling you about me, or what to do, sometimes the little ideas help. X

VintageCookbook · 02/01/2022 13:51

Sending you love and strength Flowers

Life is so bloody tough sometimes.

DSGR · 02/01/2022 13:52

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending thoughts and love

madroid · 02/01/2022 13:59

I've been in a similar position @bloodywhitecat It's really the hardest time I've ever gone through.

Try to plan/be aware of just some moments through the day that are as happy as they can be. For us it was trying to carry on and do some near normal things - a sit outside in the garden, a cup of tea together, watching the birds on the bird feeder, listening to a radio programme.

Small things that kept some semblance of our previous life.

My heart really goes out to you Flowers

Anordinarymum · 02/01/2022 14:02

So sorry to read this. Sending kind thoughts to you x x

TheCreamCaker · 02/01/2022 14:11

So sorry Flowers. Are you getting any help/advice/counselling from anywhere? Marie Curie? MacMillan?

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/01/2022 14:31

I am so very sorry

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 02/01/2022 14:37

@gluenotsoup We have taken the disc celebrating our first Christmas as husband and wife that DD got for us and hung it on a hook near his bed, it will stay there forever now.

@madroid My task on Tuesday is to source a wheelchair ASAP so I can get him outside while he is still well enough to tolerate it as he loves outside. He is never happier than when he is pulling my plants out instead of weeding the garden.

@TheCreamCaker Macmillan have been hopeless but our local charity have been good and now the hospice is involved I can access some that way too.

OP posts:
PlantPhoenix · 02/01/2022 14:43

I feel you,and send a big hug. I am in bed, ignoring the fact our decorations need to come down. DH is not at hospital bed stage yet, but we were told just before Christmas he has months. We swapped bedrooms with our daughter from the loft to the second floor yesterday. X

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 02/01/2022 14:50

Oh @PlantPhoenix I am so sorry to hear that. We were at that stage Christmas 2020 but he had a good 2021 on the whole (until the stroke really). It is an awful thing to hear and try to process. Are you on the be still the storm thread? I keeping trying to pluck up the courage to go back there but it is like admitting what is to come and I am not quite ready to do that yet.

OP posts:
avocadotofu · 02/01/2022 14:53

I'm so sorry, sending you hugs and strength Thanks

Girlmum89 · 02/01/2022 15:01

I’m so sorry Flowers

DPotter · 02/01/2022 15:12

I'm so sorry bloodywhitecat

mbosnz · 02/01/2022 15:14

I'm so sorry bloodywhitecat. That truly sucks. Loving and caring thoughts to you and your beloved husband. This is so cruel to you both.

PartyPrawnRingGames · 02/01/2022 15:20

Flowers sorry to hear that OP can you decorate the room some other way to replace the Christmas decorations and make it a bit more fun for you both? Maybe some nice plants and early flowering bulbs like hyacinths if he is keen on nature and some non xmassy fairy lights or fun lamps.

hemhem · 02/01/2022 15:28

I'm so sorry for such a difficult situation you are in OP. Take each day as it comes and try to take positives from living in the moment. Sending you a hug Flowers

Clueless2000 · 02/01/2022 15:28

Oh my goodness, thought this was just going to be a general “Christmas is over, feel a bit deflated” sort of post…. I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. X

notawittyname1954 · 02/01/2022 15:36

So sorry. Any words I can say seem not enough but sending loving thoughts and hope you do get outside in your garden. xx

spiderlight · 02/01/2022 15:40

I'm so sorry. Cancer is a bastard and it's so unfair that he's lost his speech as well. Thinking of you both Flowers

LowlandLucky · 02/01/2022 15:44

bloodywhitecat I feel for you, come back and rant, cry or scream on here, there will always be someone to talk to. Look after yourself too and don't feel guilty about taking some time out, you need to. Thinking of youFlowers

A596881B · 02/01/2022 16:49

I’m so sorry bloodywhitecat, sending you love and hugs

PlantPhoenix · 02/01/2022 17:44

@bloodywhitecat I've shown my face on that thread but I know what you mean about not being ready.

Feeling any better?

sofakingcool · 02/01/2022 17:47

Oh bloody what a shitty situation. Bollocks to cancer Sad

Wishing you lots of love Thanks