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Original poster

Aibu to be concerned about our age

60 replies

Sunindecember · 02/01/2022 06:42

Partner wants us to have a child together which is great however I'm 37 and he is 48. I never envisioned having children this late in life. My concerns are our age when child is older, our energy levels when child is growing up and any complications due to our age.

He is keen for us to have a child together but it is not a ultimatum. We both have a child each from previous.

OP posts:
SmallElephant · 02/01/2022 06:49

These days, 37 isn't that old to have a baby. I had my youngest at 35 and didn't feel old at all compared to other parents. 48 is older obviously, but it sounds like he's up for it!

Personally, in these circumstances, I'd be happy to try but I wouldn't be willing to go down the IVF route if it didn't happen naturally.

falalalalalalablahblah · 02/01/2022 07:23

37 isn't old to have a baby.

BiscuitLover3678 · 02/01/2022 07:24

You’re the one going through it all. Do you feel up to it? How old are other children?

Interested in this thread?

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Families
BiscuitLover3678 · 02/01/2022 07:25

And it is more normal these days, but doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be concerned. You’d be foolish to have no concerns.

It’s like saying oh everyone’s obese these days so don’t worry about being overweight.

RedWingBoots · 02/01/2022 07:28

The real question is do you want another child?

If you don't then tell him you don't want one as you will be the one who had to carry it.

RuthW · 02/01/2022 08:03

37 is still young to have a baby. Go for it.

BinChicken3 · 02/01/2022 08:13

Do you really want another child? How old are both your other kids? How will they handle the change to their lives and would it be for the better? I think you’re right to be concerned, especially given your husband’s age now.

Also think of your life stages when the baby is 10, 18, 21 etc., and how this will impact on all three of you by having particularly an “old” father.

My sister is 46 and has a 3 year old and 15 year old. Three year old wasn’t planned and is of course loved and wanted, but the 15 year old seems to have become a default “mum” as my sister is tired a lot and her partner (now 48) is a bit useless.

Icecreamandapplepie · 02/01/2022 08:19

37 is no age!

fourandtwo · 02/01/2022 08:20

My mum was 37 when she had me and Dad was 42. My parents were some of the oldest within my friendship group but it didn’t affect our family. My own children are four and two now and although my parents are starting to slow down a little, they are still wonderful grandparents and have plenty energy for them.

cptartapp · 02/01/2022 08:22

How long have you been together? Any plans for marriage? What's his history of seeing his own DC?
Don't forget, if it all goes pear shaped you will very very highly likely be the one left as a single parent.
As a woman, always think worse case scenario.

GoodnightGrandma · 02/01/2022 08:24

I’d think about how you’d cope with a child if you split up.
If you’ve got that sorted then go for it.

StrifeOfBath · 02/01/2022 08:25

Wow!

I had a baby at 43 and was fine. Many of my friends had babies at 36 and are fine.

A baby now would be off to Uni before you reach retirement.

Age wise I wouldn’t worry. Just focus on whether this is what you want.

MoreAloneTime · 02/01/2022 08:27

Your age alone isn't that concerning or remarkable.

48 is more so, I never get the "no one bats an eye at older father's" comments because people really should. Men of any age are always finding excuses to drop out of participating in family life and with him being a little older I'd be concerned he'd hit say 60 and just want to check out of it.

I'd think less about the baby stage here and more about the teenage years when you'd both be older. How do you think it will work with your relationship?

Piggy42 · 02/01/2022 08:27

Yes @GoodnightGrandma.

HelloDulling · 02/01/2022 08:27

Depending on where you live, 37 is probably a fairly average age to have a baby. But, you need to decide if you want another first.

FlowerArranger · 02/01/2022 08:29

Do you want to have another child? With this man?
What's you financial situation? Do you earn significantly more or less than him?
In other words, would marriage be beneficial to you, or not?
Having a child is an 18+ year commitment. Think with your head, not just your your heart.

Oldraver · 02/01/2022 08:29

I was nearly 41 when I had DS2, he's nearly 16 now and OH is 61. We have enough energy for him etc but now as were older it has hit home how it's possible we may not be around nd when he is an older adult

I wouldn't of changed my mind anyway

Plumedenom · 02/01/2022 08:31

Your age is pretty normal for a second or third child anyway. His age is not, but it's hardly the end of the world having an older dad if he thinks he has the energy and patience to get up in the middle of the night and walk up to the park and back every day!

MintJulia · 02/01/2022 08:33

37 isn't particularly late. I had ds at 45 which wasn't ideal but once DS was past the baby stage I made a conscious effort to raise my fitness for exactly that reason. I owe it to him to be as young and active a mum as possible.

I took up running/martial arts, and built up my fitness so that I have more energy than I ever had before. I keep my BMI low, eat healthily, don't drink or smoke etc.

Keeping up with DS hasn't been a problem. He's teenage and can outrun me now but I can still out cycle him (just) Smile

I think it depends on what is important to you.

willowstar · 02/01/2022 08:39

My husband was 48 then 51 when we had our children, he is 12 years older than me. He is a fantastic dad.

Rainbowqueeen · 02/01/2022 08:44

I’d be concerned about his age more than yours. The quality of mens sperm deteriorates so baby is more likely to have SEN.

Also who will be looking after baby? Generally it falls more on the woman in the relationship. So unless you are really really keen I would not do it.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 02/01/2022 08:47

It all boils down to if you want a baby op. Plenty of people have babies in their late 30s and 40s. If it was me, there would be no chance. But I was done at 23 🙈

candycane222 · 02/01/2022 08:48

I think his age is more concerning than yours. He is likely to want to start slowing down in 15 or so years' time, and ime the exam wrangling, lifts home etc went on till they 'left'. I am early 60s with one still at uni and tbh I find even the intermittent visits tiring. Delightful also, and I miss them when they leave, but I can feel a little grumpiness creeping in round the edges.

How hands on is he with his current dc?

Plus , there is an increased risk of some conditions with an older father.

Absolutely not trying to tell you what to do, but just some thoughts to consider

Porfre · 02/01/2022 08:52

How hands on is he with his other kid/kids?

What job does he do?
Is he likely to take much time off for paternity leave?
Is he expecting you to do all the work of taking care of the kid ?

What job do you do? How is this going to be affected by having a baby?

What if he leaves you and you become a single mother ? How will this affect your finances?

Are you married?

dingdongmerrilyy · 02/01/2022 08:55

I had a baby at 36 so it's deffo not too late if ur keen then I would say her cracking:shagging