Aibu to be concerned about our age

[Sunindecember]

Partner wants us to have a child together which is great however I'm 37 and he is 48. I never envisioned having children this late in life. My concerns are our age when child is older, our energy levels when child is growing up and any complications due to our age.

He is keen for us to have a child together but it is not a ultimatum. We both have a child each from previous.

Sigh. Always, always these threads are full of people roaring about why people over 35 should not have children because they are so OLD and will be DEAD soon

On the contrary, I think most threads like this have people saying crack on and have your first at 40, 45, 50... and they are full of people who know someone who had a surprise pregnancy at 40, 45, 50...

Anyone who has a baby under the age of 35 is classed as far too young by some on here 😐

Personally I wouldn’t. As long as you are ovulating you are theoretically fine at getting pregnant and giving birth. Also young enough and energetic enough to be a great mother and grandmother. So YOU are perfectly fine.

Sperm quality starts to decrease from around 35/40. Less volume and mobility. but most importantly older men’s sperm is more susceptible to genetic mutation leading to a plethora of genetic diseases.

I had eldest at 21 youngest at 37 it's definitely a lot harder the older you get you also have to think your mid fifties before u are child free. But I wouldn't worry about your age I would be thinking do I want another child?

Not too old in my opinion, just depends on whether you want a child or not.

It's not really that old. For IVF treatment success rates are still fairly good at 37, not as good as the under 35 success date but not that much worse either.

Chance of having a healthy baby is very high.

Go for it (if you want one), don't let age be the deciding factor.

@roastedsaltedpeanut

Personally I wouldn’t. As long as you are ovulating you are theoretically fine at getting pregnant and giving birth. Also young enough and energetic enough to be a great mother and grandmother. So YOU are perfectly fine.

Sperm quality starts to decrease from around 35/40. Less volume and mobility. but most importantly older men’s sperm is more susceptible to genetic mutation leading to a plethora of genetic diseases.

True, but the vast majority of these pregnancies still have good outcomes! Odds are still very much in your favour!

@MoreAloneTime

Your age alone isn't that concerning or remarkable.

48 is more so, I never get the "no one bats an eye at older father's" comments because people really should. Men of any age are always finding excuses to drop out of participating in family life and with him being a little older I'd be concerned he'd hit say 60 and just want to check out of it.

I'd think less about the baby stage here and more about the teenage years when you'd both be older. How do you think it will work with your relationship?

Agree with this. He is more of the question mark for me.. how is he at 65 going to be with a surly teen in the house.

How hands on will he be with a 7 and 8 year old?

Not too old if physically possible. But we started trying aged 31 and I was already in peri and it didn't happen for us. I was an outlier obviously, but I do think people here tend to overestimate women's fertile years

37 isn't too old, but I think 48 is.

Just be happy with the children you have, your new child might have disabilities - especially due to the fathers age. Is that something you are prepared to embrace?

I had a second child at 37. My husband was 40. My son had some issues - not age related. He required a lot of extra tutoring and help to get through school and off to university. My husband and I are pretty tired. We are supporting the older one who has to live in another city for med school which he only got into as a post-graduate. In retrospect it would have been easier if we'd been younger. My husband is 60 now but I can't imagine what life with a near 70 year old father would be like in terms of who is doing the majority of the work.

Why does your partner particularly want another child when you both have older children?