WWYD. Heart vs head re return to work.

[EezyOozy]

Hi all,

NC for this as outing. I just wrote and epic post and somehow lost it before posting 😭 so this is the quicker version, I'd appreciate input.

I have a 4yo and nearly 3yo. Youngest starts preschool in Aug. Currently a SAHM buy keen to get back to work in summer.

I used to run a stained glass making / restoration business. I loved it and it was all consuming, physically hard work, hurt my hands often, but I felt like "me".

When TTC my blood lead levels were a bit high (from restoration work). Not dangerous for me (nowhere near lead poisoning levels) but threshold is very low for TTC so I had to stop. Started doing office work and got a job in a uni. Boring but pleasant enough. Felt like a bit of an imposter.

I've been doing some accountancy and bookkeeping qualifications (basic) whilst being a SAHM so that if I go back to office work I'll be able to get something better paid / not basic admin.

Now I just feel really sad about never going back to SG work, but I'm not sure if it's realistic or sensible.

STAINED GLASS
Pros
-feel like me, love it
-it's technical and artistic and I love working with other tradespeople eg joiners
-would be self employed to flexible around kids

Cons
-can be back breaking and hurts hands - this is unavoidable
-not something I can realistically do into my 60s and I may have to work that long
-I can get a bit obsessive and have problems switching off
-can be isolating working mostly alone

ADMIN/BOOKKEEPING
Pros
-I get to sit down and be clean
-no sore hands
-regular income
-pension
-unlikely to work alone
-may be stressful but not in the same emotional way as SG work

Cons
-boring , although not necessarily
-might not be as flexible , we live rurally so wraparound care for kids could be tricky
-may always feel a bit sad about what I've given up

What do others think? Thank you 🙏

I think when you have kids, the most sensible option is to look at what guarantees a regular income. That being said, if you've been a SAHM for the last four years, I'm presuming you don't need the extra income?

Why not give it a go and if it doesn't work out go back to something else.

I should have said - we can live off DH income . I'm lucky that I get to choose what I do in that sense.

I should also have said - I am doing well on my bookkeeping course and somehow keep passing exams with good marks so this is obviously something I can do. And maybe I just need to (in MN speak) "give my head a wobble" and be sensible.

Thank you x

Do the stained glass. You give up enough of yourself to be a mum without losing that too.

I work in a university in admin in student services. Not boring and for admin work well paid. I tried a book keeping course for about 5 mins and gave up, that was incredibly boring! Not all admin jobs are the same. Can you not compromise with a bit of both, so you have the secure income and pension but also do a bit of self employed work too?

Yes @Ohdoleavemealone that is really pertinent for me atm . I had to give up just to TTC. I'm very lucky o have my two healthy DDs. But I did lose "me".

Can't ignore the hand pain. But maybe working less hours (I'd probably only take on small commissions and do 20-25 hrs a week) that'd be less of a problem.

Im 36 btw.

Oh, I feel as though I should say I don't feel I have time for an admin job and SG as a hobby. It's very involved and I just don't think I could do all that with kids too.

I'd definitely go with the stained glass. As your children get older it is something you could share with them. Many of the stained glass people I know also run courses to introduce new people to the craft, so there is an opportunity to be more social that way. I would also get a private pension with a view to retiring at 60 and start putting a small amount away.

I don't know which path to choose, but I would observe that feeling sad that the SG chapter of your life has come to an end doesn't necessarily mean you should reopen it.

Sometimes great things come to an end and we grieve and miss them. That's ok. It doesn't mean what comes next can't be fulfilling or satisfying.

@user15364596354862 thank you. Yes I do see what you mean. I have been reflecting on that too. My life isn't the same as it was when I was in my twenties and could what what I liked / work all hours.

There must be a lot of options in between a physical and creative trade that you love, and bookkeeping, which is not only extremely office based but one of the most uncreative office jobs - and also extremely ripe for automation in coming years. I have an office job that I really enjoy, but that's because I like solving the problems I face.

It sounds like it was the art and not the self employment part that you loves, isn't there something else that you could do to earn some money / keep a live CV. Other restoration work, painting (murals or others), taking more of an advisory role or working with heritage groups, so many things...

If you're doing well on the course and passing exams well, that is potentially a path that could take you to great places too if you pursued it. There are so many specialists in that field. Where you end up could be unrecognizable to that original admin job.

Can you pin down what about your SG business made you feel "you" ? Perhaps it is something that can be found or built in other places in future too.

Your life will be “easier” with the bookkeeping but I really love what @Ohdoleavemealone said, and she’s very right. The bookkeeping/ admin roles in heritage / arts organisations can wait for you!

If you don’t need the money I’d do the stain glass - if it doesn’t work out you can get an admin job.

Flexibility is really handy in primary years for one thing but you need something for you.

I honestly don't think I have it in me to learn another craft or trade from scratch.

I know bookkeeping initially seems a bonkers option but I'm good with numbers and seem to be able to do it easily. The qualifications are super flexible
and inexpensive to do. I don't have enough academic qualifications to do lots of other things so chose something accessible and vocational. Although the qualifications I'm doing are universally recognised so I could apply to lots of industries / roles with a an accounts angle, doesn't have to to be bookkeeping. Just to make that side of things a bit clearer as to why I'm doing it. X

Go with your passion, especially as you don't need the money.

Out of those choices personally I’d recommend stained glass for now. I worked in construction and I understand what you mean about not doing it into your 60s but that often applies to trades so you are no different in that respect. You can take up the admin role at 55. You sound so passionate about the stained glass.

Can you pin down what about your SG business made you feel "you" ? Perhaps it is something that can be found or built in other places in future too.

The mixture of left and right brain, art and technicality. Everything has to me meticulously planned and measured. Working with others trades who were as passionate about historical craft and period properties as me. Working with the magical qualities of glass. I'm a total nerd about historical glass production 🙈 Feeling a deep sense connection to an ancient and traditional craft that hasn't changed much in hundreds of years. These are some of the things I loved.

Do the SG. If you decide to stop bookkeeping will always be waiting for you.

BUT I used to get SO stressed about, particularly about large commissions or if something wasn't going well. And turning over a large stained glass window to solder the other side gave me a small panic attack every time. It's quite all or nothing, very involved.

Yes we don't need need to the money, although extra money in the household would be nice.

Do the stained glass work.

I had a pleasant but dull office job for almost seven years, then I took redundancy a year ago with the intention of being a SAHM (like you, I'm lucky enough that we can love off DH's salary). Six months later I embarked on a new, creative career. I have to do most of it during DD's nap times and in the few hours we can afford to put her in nursery, so it's hard and tiring but also so rewarding and fulfilling. I feel like me again. I have something in my life, other than my children, to be proud of.

If you’re not looking to TTC I would do the stained glass - you love it and it will enrich your living fe and have so many benefits to your family.

3 days admin role and 2 days self employed??

@Devilmakes3 thank you. What did you do? I have renovated old properties and I think I'm generally awestruck by period properties and basically all trades related to them. I worked closely with bench joiners in the past and was always amazed by what they do.

Go with the book keeping.

Years ago I would have said do the SG. I did the equivalent & loved it, but now at 52, with a few health issues & in a 'young persons industry' I'm a bit screwed with another 16 years to work, wishing I'd kept the accounting up.

I had been going to split your time 50/50, but it doesn't seem like you can/want to do that. If I could wind the clock back it's what I'd do.

Do the stained glass work but make it work for you like you have suggesting with commissions etc.

I gave up a creative job to go into HR because we had moved to London and needed more income.

I missed it so much and have gone back to it now as self employed (graphic design) and now have a decent business built up.

What @Ohdoleavemealone is spot on!!!