WWYD. Heart vs head re return to work.

[EezyOozy]

Hi all,

NC for this as outing. I just wrote and epic post and somehow lost it before posting 😭 so this is the quicker version, I'd appreciate input.

I have a 4yo and nearly 3yo. Youngest starts preschool in Aug. Currently a SAHM buy keen to get back to work in summer.

I used to run a stained glass making / restoration business. I loved it and it was all consuming, physically hard work, hurt my hands often, but I felt like "me".

When TTC my blood lead levels were a bit high (from restoration work). Not dangerous for me (nowhere near lead poisoning levels) but threshold is very low for TTC so I had to stop. Started doing office work and got a job in a uni. Boring but pleasant enough. Felt like a bit of an imposter.

I've been doing some accountancy and bookkeeping qualifications (basic) whilst being a SAHM so that if I go back to office work I'll be able to get something better paid / not basic admin.

Now I just feel really sad about never going back to SG work, but I'm not sure if it's realistic or sensible.

STAINED GLASS
Pros
-feel like me, love it
-it's technical and artistic and I love working with other tradespeople eg joiners
-would be self employed to flexible around kids

Cons
-can be back breaking and hurts hands - this is unavoidable
-not something I can realistically do into my 60s and I may have to work that long
-I can get a bit obsessive and have problems switching off
-can be isolating working mostly alone

ADMIN/BOOKKEEPING
Pros
-I get to sit down and be clean
-no sore hands
-regular income
-pension
-unlikely to work alone
-may be stressful but not in the same emotional way as SG work

Cons
-boring , although not necessarily
-might not be as flexible , we live rurally so wraparound care for kids could be tricky
-may always feel a bit sad about what I've given up

What do others think? Thank you 🙏

I would just like to say thank you for all the responses. I've been feeling very rudderless and not knowing right from wrong about all this lately. I think because my youngest turns 3 in April the possibilities are becoming more real. I wanted to be a SAHM for the very early years and we have relocated so it's worked
well but do need myself back.

I do need to remember that admin work can be good too, it's a good option too... hence utter confusion.

I had been going to split your time 50/50, but it doesn't seem like you can/want to do that.

Indeed, that would be too many plates to spin. I'd get very stressed I think. My kids take a huge amount of my emotional energy and mental load too.

Is there any scope for SG work part time? You say it is all consuming but everything can be like that before you have kids. A lot of people would say that about their job when they don't have other responsiblities. Then you ration your time when you need to.

Could you run a joint business with another SG artist, share the load?

Then you could potentially do a couple of days SG and a couple of days book keeping. Leaving 3 days for everything else.

I mean, the way you talk about the parts of it you loved practically make me want to take it up (and I am not even slightly artistically inclined)!

But the flip side you describe... I wonder if your current life could accommodate something that needed you to give all of yourself to it like that? Do you want to revisit that side? Would it still be a trade off worth making?

There probably are elements of what you liked that could be found in finance roles depending on specialism. But maybe other elements would be found in a new less intense hobby - so some would come from work, some would come from your hobby, maybe some from family life and together you would feel "you" again?

Or could some of the cons of SG life be altered or mitigated?

The stained glass work. Absolutely be you. Parenthood and marriage can be draining. Wonderful but draining. If this is a job you love and which gives you the opportunity to be you then grab it with both hands. Pay into a private pension. And yes, you may need to get another job in your 60s but there's a long time to go before then - in which time you could write a best seller about stained glass. Good luck 🤞

SG sounds like it makes you happy. If you could do it part time or so smaller commissions, I'd do that. I have SO much admiration for people who can do that sort of thing ( my fave program is the repair shop).

Is there some way to combine? A friend has just left a straight admin job to work for a small pottery. She’s still doing mainly admin but it’s related to her love for pottery and with opportunities to get involved in design even if not hands on work.

Or look for work with another SG artist or collective and offer to do admin as well as some SG work?

Really helpful thank you all so much. I can watch repair shop atm as it makes me too sad not to be part of that world!

@user15364596354862 I will think very carefully about the excellent points you have made. They are in line with my own thought processes.

*cant watch repair shop

You describe yourself essentially standing at a crossroads. Maybe some of the conflict is more between reconciling your past, present, and future selves than which path to take now?

I know that I often find myself feeling nostalgic and wanting to return to past periods of my life when I'm facing change and uncertainty in the present.

Could you do some smaller commissions as you build up a bookkeeping business specifically targetting other small creative businesses- you will have a good understanding of the nature of their business structure and they might be more willing to trust you. Perhaps training up and bringing someone else into the SG side of things as the bookkeeping takes off if that is going to be more sustainable as you age.

Do the SG!

Would you like to teach your dc that life is about passion, hard work and dedication or about choosing the least challenging path?

I would follow your heart, but plan to retire early/switch to other work when you are older. Flexibility with primary school kids is not to be underplayed

You could always try the stained glass work for, say, six months, and then reassess if it's working for you and your family. Admin work will always be there. You sound so passionate about it, I think it would be such a shame not to at least try!

FWIW I have done both creative and office based work

I hope some of it helps you work through your thoughts and feelings about it all. It's a tough one and there probably isn't a right answer - just the right decision for you at this time.

There are so many threads on mn, where parents are struggling to work around their dc. Children at school =13 weeks of school holidays plus random inset/polling/snow days plus however many days your dc are Poorly, Then assemblies/nativity plays/sports day etc. If the stained glass business would give you the flexibility to take time off whenever you needed it, I’d go with that. You can reassess in a couple/few years If you need to.

(I know that the dc have two parents and the other one is Also responsible for taking time off for half of all the things I mentioned, but primary ages are hard going And I’ve seen it numerous times, if one parents job can be more flexible to takes a lot of stress out of life).

Being able to live on your dh salary gives you a huge gift here.

In your position I would try starting back with the stained glass and aim to plan for working 3 days per week. Take small commissions and projects for yourself to start with and see how you go.

I think you’ll know within a year whether that or book keeping works best. But from reading your posts it feels like no contest

Stained glass. PT. It's a niche skill that only a few people will have and that in itself gives you career capital.

SG.

OP, you have the golden ticket. You have a passion WHICH YOU CAN MAKE MONEY FROM, but a steady income elsewhere that supports your family. You have won at life with that combo.

Always, always do what you love. The fact you get adrenaline and stress from it is down to your passion for it. There’s stress in any job but at least with the SG work you’re balancing that out with your love for it.

This is not a life long decision which is what you’re currently treating it as. Think of it as a decision you’re making for the next 5 years, not the next 30. There will always be office jobs you can do. You have 30 years left to work. Some of those years you’ll need to spend doing something ‘boring’ that you don’t love, but for now go back to SG and fly.

@Lividlavidacoco that's so lovely 🥲 you are all being very kind. I need to go an attend to my two 🐒🐒 now but I will be back later this evening. Thank you all again.

Could you do smaller commissions? you get one life, I’m retired early but fortunately I really loved my career. I know so many people who really don’t like their jobs.

@glassylady I’m an engineer by profession not in a trade. I haven’t done site work in a long time now and even I with my relatively warm office to go back to wanted in from the cold eventually, but there is a real buzz about being part of breathing life into a building project whatever part you play in the process. I drive past my former sites and still show them off to my kids who are very bored of it now

Do what you love. You have only one life. You can change later if you need to.