WWYD. Heart vs head re return to work.

[EezyOozy]

Hi all,

NC for this as outing. I just wrote and epic post and somehow lost it before posting 😭 so this is the quicker version, I'd appreciate input.

I have a 4yo and nearly 3yo. Youngest starts preschool in Aug. Currently a SAHM buy keen to get back to work in summer.

I used to run a stained glass making / restoration business. I loved it and it was all consuming, physically hard work, hurt my hands often, but I felt like "me".

When TTC my blood lead levels were a bit high (from restoration work). Not dangerous for me (nowhere near lead poisoning levels) but threshold is very low for TTC so I had to stop. Started doing office work and got a job in a uni. Boring but pleasant enough. Felt like a bit of an imposter.

I've been doing some accountancy and bookkeeping qualifications (basic) whilst being a SAHM so that if I go back to office work I'll be able to get something better paid / not basic admin.

Now I just feel really sad about never going back to SG work, but I'm not sure if it's realistic or sensible.

STAINED GLASS
Pros
-feel like me, love it
-it's technical and artistic and I love working with other tradespeople eg joiners
-would be self employed to flexible around kids

Cons
-can be back breaking and hurts hands - this is unavoidable
-not something I can realistically do into my 60s and I may have to work that long
-I can get a bit obsessive and have problems switching off
-can be isolating working mostly alone

ADMIN/BOOKKEEPING
Pros
-I get to sit down and be clean
-no sore hands
-regular income
-pension
-unlikely to work alone
-may be stressful but not in the same emotional way as SG work

Cons
-boring , although not necessarily
-might not be as flexible , we live rurally so wraparound care for kids could be tricky
-may always feel a bit sad about what I've given up

What do others think? Thank you 🙏

Exactly what @Lividlavidacoco said!

You don't want to get to 50 and wonder how you ended up with a life isn't quite the right fit for you.

@Ohdoleavemealone

Do the stained glass. You give up enough of yourself to be a mum without losing that too.

Agree completely.

If I were you I'd do what I could to make it work. If you need a certain level of regular income could you do one shift a week of admin work of similar? Would supermarket work give you enough regular weekly money from one shift? Supermarket work can be very sociable, shifts can work around kids etc and it's regular money. So might meet some of the needs that aren't met by the SG work, whilst being easy / casual enough to take a backseat to it.

I've done the opposite to you in that I studied a creative subject at university, worked in an office for years then changed direction to become a florist. It's not dissimilar to stained glass in that it can be very hard heavy work. It can also be stressful and it's not a great job heading towards old age.

One of the reasons I changed was because I didn't feel like me. Admin has also changed A LOT. There are very few support staff and workloads are generally high. There is also a lot of competition for admin jobs and a general misconception that is easy and anyone can do it. That wore me down as I always felt like I was bottom of the pile anywhere I worked.

You are assuming that you will easily find a job and it will be a walk in the park. I think the reality is that any job you go for there will be lots of candidates who will have already have lots of experience in that area. There are loads of threads on the employment boards where people are trying to get out of their high powered career and can't understand why they aren't getting interviews for 'easy' admin jobs. Err...... because there are 100+ other candidates who already have that experience and an MSc in Education Studies is completely irrelevant?

The fact that workloads are high also means that you have to be incredibly efficient and be capable of multi-tasking fifty things at once while pushing back on people who are trying to push more work on you that isn't even your responsiblity. It's tiring and not even well paid unless you are a very senior PA and then you'll be on call 24/7.

You love stained glass and it would give you the flexibility you need. You're saying that it won't work with your new life but you haven't even tried it yet! You might well find that your attitude has changed and you won't be as obsessive about it as you were anyway.

Just because you did all the large scale heritage work before doesn't mean that you need to continue with that long term. Look at other areas. Is there other stuff that you could do? Could you do craft work, teach, run workshops, write a book, etc? Explore all possibilities.

I often think that small steps are better than a massive change in direction. You know the industry and if you make small changes then it is easy to step back if it's not right. I have a few ideas up my sleeve for 2022 for long term planning. Hopefully one or two of them will stick!

I would do the stained glass work and put the majority of your earnings into a pension. Then if it becomes too much you can always change.

Stained glass. (And do an AMA, because it sounds very interesting!)

What about a three day a week office job and one day a week glass work. Or even teaching this glass staining

Thank you all so much for the confidence you have given me. I think I am going to give it a go for a year or so and see what happens. Currently pulling together a bunch of old photos of commissions and will slowly work towards ... something.

You only live once. Do what you’re passionate about. It might be helpful long term to find a way of keeping your hand in with the other work as a back ip though.

@glassylady

Thank you all so much for the confidence you have given me. I think I am going to give it a go for a year or so and see what happens. Currently pulling together a bunch of old photos of commissions and will slowly work towards ... something.

Good luck!

Maybe also look at other jobs that are in that arena but less heavy duty. I have no idea what as can only think of stone mason type jobs!

That sounds exciting - good luck!