Help with dd diet and exercise plan

[Alakazam8]

Dd is 12 and has additional needs (Asd)
She needs to loose some weight.
I will give as much info as possible about her diet and exercise and would really appreciate ideas about what changes I can make.
Breakfast- golden syrup flavour porridge, half a sachet with semi skimmed milk, 8 grapes or strawberries, diluted apple juice half water half juice

Snack at school- fruit eg whole apple, while tangerine etc

Lunch- school lunch mainly, have asked school to discretely reduce her portion size and she has the pudding one one day a week, other days a yogurt.
Snack- fruit, fruit tea no added sugar
Dinner- a home cooked meal eg salmon and noodles, pasta bake, curry and rice always with extra veg. Bought dd a smaller plate to focus on portion control but not sure this has worked as well as I hoped. Would love to know how much your 12 year olds eat as I wonder if it’s down to portion control.
Dd usually has dessert or cake and recognise this is something I can cut out straight away
Drinks fruit tea, water dilute fruit juice

Exercise at least 30 mins per day recorded on tracker & swimming x2, dancing x1 and often go out on her scooter. Feel like I could change things here but don’t know how much. She can be reluctant to exercise and reg comes home from school with no exercise recorded on her tracker

She really enjoys food and has a complex history which makes it traumatic for her to not know about the food she will be having each day, fear of being without food.

What am I doing wrong or what changes can I make.

Thanks if you’ve read all this and are willing to help…

Hi OP you need to consult with the dietician. I know many posters here mean well but most of the advice they are giving you is not at all suitable for a 12 year old.

(Source - my SIL who is a dietician and has helped my DS who is 11 and has ASD)

I agree with WaningMoon, please speak to a dietitian rather than take advice from unqualified people on this forum.

Still trying and failing to write long posts.
Will ask to see a dietitian in Jan. I would like to know about any changes I can make now that will help and will make some of the changes suggested.
Don’t think the plate is an issue, she loves it and there’s only the 2 of us so not singling her out. I will ensure it’s her choice to use it though. Don’t think it helps to be aghast at changes I’ve made to try to help her…
Will post again about what I’ve been doing re her body confidence but don’t want to lose this post!

I would say to ask for a referral to the paediatric dietician team. They are brilliant in my experience (though for a different reason- multiple allergies)

I know it’s a fine balance between taking control and giving her a bit of choice and freedom but do you actually follow her lead from an appetite point of view? I was overweight as a child and my mother was controlling- limited evening meals in an unhealthy way (our meals weren’t balanced) but made me eat breakfast that I didn’t want.

On first glance I’d probably agree that there’s too much sugar, simple carbs and not enough complex carbs, protein and fresh fruit/veg. She also possibly isn’t aware of when she’s full. As an adult if I had a bowl of soup, two slices of bread and cheese I’d be uncomfortably full I think (granted I find soup really filling).

To give her a bit of control you could do things like a jacket potato filling station with choice of cheese, ham, low fat coleslaw, sweetcorn etc or a wholemeal wrap station with similar fillings.

I do find that if my kids have a breakfast involving sugary things like syrup, jam, pancakes etc they are hungrier than if they’ve had beans, eggs or bacon.

I do the low fat chicken sausages by Heck quite often for breakfast/brunch with wholemeal rolls or toast and beans, it’s really filling, tasty and healthy.

I’d focus not on her losing weight (even though she needs to) but on a healthy diet for the family full of lots of variety, interest and education about nutrition. Make sure everyone is given the same thing to eat so she’s not singled out and spend lots of time with her talking about other stuff and having fun- so it’s not an all consuming issue for her.

Write your notes in a notepad and then copy-paste here.

I also agree with @WaningMoon. You should not be cutting anything from her diet until you've seen the dietician, I'd also be asking for a referral to paediatrics to rule out any underlying causes for her weight gain. Some of the advice here, while no doubt well intentioned, is only going to create problems for your DD.

One of my autistic DC had weight issues related to ASD and the advice from every single professional was not to put him on a diet, not to cut out foods, and not to limit his choices. Instead the advice was to maintain his weight so that he grew into it - his weight was the 95th centile at 9, that same weight was 75th centile for a 10yo, 50th centile for an 11yo, and 30th centile for a 12yo which is where he is now, all without putting him on a diet. I was given information and support on how to help him maintain weight rather than lose or gain.

MN is not the place to get healthy dietary advice for a pre-teen with additional needs.