Help with dd diet and exercise plan

[Alakazam8]

Dd is 12 and has additional needs (Asd)
She needs to loose some weight.
I will give as much info as possible about her diet and exercise and would really appreciate ideas about what changes I can make.
Breakfast- golden syrup flavour porridge, half a sachet with semi skimmed milk, 8 grapes or strawberries, diluted apple juice half water half juice

Snack at school- fruit eg whole apple, while tangerine etc

Lunch- school lunch mainly, have asked school to discretely reduce her portion size and she has the pudding one one day a week, other days a yogurt.
Snack- fruit, fruit tea no added sugar
Dinner- a home cooked meal eg salmon and noodles, pasta bake, curry and rice always with extra veg. Bought dd a smaller plate to focus on portion control but not sure this has worked as well as I hoped. Would love to know how much your 12 year olds eat as I wonder if it’s down to portion control.
Dd usually has dessert or cake and recognise this is something I can cut out straight away
Drinks fruit tea, water dilute fruit juice

Exercise at least 30 mins per day recorded on tracker & swimming x2, dancing x1 and often go out on her scooter. Feel like I could change things here but don’t know how much. She can be reluctant to exercise and reg comes home from school with no exercise recorded on her tracker

She really enjoys food and has a complex history which makes it traumatic for her to not know about the food she will be having each day, fear of being without food.

What am I doing wrong or what changes can I make.

Thanks if you’ve read all this and are willing to help…

[quote Alakazam8]@Loudestcat14 in what way would you say I’m being so controlling- genuinely not clear and want to change if this is the case. She does have quite severe Asd and some learning difficulties too if that makes a difference
Incidentally the school nurse didn’t measure her height last time so have asked her to next time. The time before that she did measure her height though and she is overweight.
I am more relaxed with her diet at weekends and we will have something like pizza or ready meal curry etc on Sat night. Probably has Mac Donald’s once a month or so. She has biscuits at one after school club she goes to but no other snacks or food swapping at school.[/quote]
Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend by saying you are controlling in a horrible way; your DD’s needs clearly mean she needs boundaries with food. By controlling I guess I mean micro managing her intake so she must be aware she’s having to lose weight and that her body isn’t acceptable at its current size. I know I’m projecting here but becoming aware at 12 that your body is too big and too fat and somehow wrong can set girls up for a lifetime of dieting and self worth issues and you’re basing this regime on the word of one woman, a school nurse, who is probably going off some chart that doesn’t take into account height and frame.

@SinoohXaenaHide I have had a very similar experience to you and would agree, this child needs to be supported to be in a good place mentally and emotionally and only then begin to learn to self regulate around food.

I am autistic and was a picky eater from weaning, I was taught to clear my plate (and ignore full/hunger cues and sensory aversions) via persuasion, bribery and occasionally punishment.

When I naturally became overweight I was put on diets before I was out of primary school. Leading to binge and secret eating. I didn’t successfully lose weight until I left home - as an adult I’ve gained weight at times of stress/difficulty and successfully lost it again when in a good place.

I would suggest the best thing you can do for DD is build structured exercise into her routine - an activity tracker is too open ended, she needs tangible goals/tasks. So daily at a fixed time you (both) need to march briskly up the nearest hill or put an exercise video on, followed by a sensory ‘reward’ eg bath, cup of tea, quiet half hour reading/gaming

Sports at school really put me off, no one explicitly teaches you how to exercise or play various sports, I guess NT kids learn by osmosis. She will probably benefit from formal coaching to build her confidence. Rugby is brilliant as there is a place for all shapes and sizes on a team.

It must be the weekend treats, school dinners and after school club biscuits where the calories are coming in because the meals otherwise sound very small.

The golden syrup porridge will be very sugary (as are a lot of the other things she eats). That will make her feel a whole lot hungrier, and more inclined to take too much at school dinner time or from the after school biscuit table.

I think it would be helpful to look at exactly how much she's taking in when you have curry/pizza/McDonald's. It might be a lot of the problem.

Clearly she derives comfort from food. A lot of us do and if she has complex issues you won't change that. My hunch is she's so restricted in day to day food that she is over consuming anything delicious she can get access to - deciding to only eat pudding would definitely speak to that. You might find it more effective to increase the pleasurability of your day to day meals and cut the treats right down.

Also does she get enough sleep? Blood sugar is much harder to control if you are sleep deprived, which is why shift workers are on average heavier than non shift workers.

She has always been inclined to take too much of anything due to her early life and food issues stem from that.
I don’t mind if control is the issue I was trying to unpick it all as I have got a bit lost..
Will change morning porridge.
She doesn’t eat too much when we have weekend meals, biscuits are just once a week.
She enjoys our meals and often cook her faves but will look at replacing treats if possible too

She doesn’t get enough sleep as she needs loads. If I put her to bed at 7.30 she would still sleep till 9 next day…school days it’s 8-8.30 usually and up at 6am

@FusionChefGeoff Sausage really isn't something that should be regularly fed to a child (unless vegetarian version!). Fine as a sometimes-food, but not for everyday breakfast.

I tried a high protein Skyr yoghurt for breakfast and I felt full all morning, maybe worth a try. Would she eat a continental style breakfast with a small amount of cheese or ham?

I don't think eating in a regimented way is necessarily bad. I've always been quite a healthy weight which I put down to one of my parents being autistic and diabetic so we were brought up with very regular mealtimes and portion sizes, not too much carbs or sugar, a small pudding after every meal, no skipping meals and no snacking or boredom eating. If a person needs routine it can work well for them.

Also - when growing up we all ate the same thing. My DM did all the cooking and if there was a spate of salads, we all got them! So nobody was singled out and food was always tasty and filling with no sense of going without eg if we wanted some cream on a pie, we got some. Never "that's fattening", just "that's enough or else there'll be none for tomorrow".

@Alakazam8

She used to have Greek yogurt and fruit for breakfast but chose to change to porridge. Will swap the porridge for plain porridge and increase that and look at ways of boosting her breakfast

I think this is a good place to start.

In your shoes, I would make one or two small changes at a time and see how they work out rather than rushing in to change everything. I'd start with breakfast (more food, less sugar, higher protein) and maybe try to make the weekend treat more healthy - so make pizzas yourselves rather than shop bought/takeaway.

I wouldn't rush in to start reducing food/school dinner portions. It may be that if she starts the day feeling full from breakfast, that has a positive knock-on effect for her food habits for the rest of the day.

In tandem, you could also plan a few active days out over the next few weekends (country park, treasure hunt) to try to increase her activity levels.

Agree about sausage not everyday but in a rotation of 5-6 different breakfasts it is OK and certainly better than half a pack of oats with a tonne of processed sugar flavour on them. Let's not sacrifice progress for perfection here.

I'm not an expert but I would try to vary breakfast (I note not always easy with asd) to something like scrambled eggs with spinach and tomatoes rather than carb laden cereal, 1 slice of wholemeal seeded bread plus one boiled egg and a little fruit is similar calories but more balanced. I would switch out some of the fruit snacks to carrot sticks and humous, and look at the balance of evening meal, more protein and veg, less white carbs (wholemeal pasta and brown rice are good swops). Only underweight dd (also asd but with eating issues) gets weekday puddings (mini crème caramel, choc pot or similar) the other 3 of us need to loose weight.

That’s quite a lot of sleeping and with the weight gain having started relatively recently (just this summer I think you said?), I would maybe be asking her GP to arrange for some blood tests. Before messing about too much with what looks like a perfectly normal diet I would ask to have her thyroid function tested .

Other than being a bit sweet, her weekday diet wouldn't cause weight gain so I think you might be underestimating quite how many biscuits they are allowed at ASC or how many calories in a pizza (about 300 per slice - I know my teens could eat at least 5) and McD's around 1,000 for a meal. Chances are 2, possibly 3 days a week she is significantly exceeding her in take which will make quite a big difference.

I'd use the cost factor as an excuse for reducing takeaways & get the whole family on board making your own lighter version - homemade pizzas are fab and you can use light mozzarella and no one would be any wiser, use yogurt in curries etc.

Unfortunately dd won’t eat eggs- otherwise would try those for breakfast.
Will make little changes I think rather than something big- we are active at weekends generally but will plan some fun days out….

If she is a fan of porridge have a look at the skinny syrups. You can get them online or in some B&M shops now. Lots of different flavours so she can mix it up a bit and all very low calorie.

I'm aghast that you've bought her a smaller plate and have asked school to reduce her portions which having seen school portions aren't massive anyway.

How tall is she? I know you said the school nurse didn't measure her height but surely you must know?

I would dilute juice more, it’s actually much nicer and refreshing. Would she eat sticks of celery with low fat soft cheese ? My DD likes them but only when I peel them properly to get rid of all strings.I also prefer to give her slices of apples or pears rather then grapes, grapes have more calories. I agree with the ideas of homemade porridge and Skyr yogurt. I would say porridge with fruit and then some yogurt for breakfast rather then one or another.
Did you check your DD yourself on the chart / for BMI index? I mean does she look overweight or does she big because she is tall and has big bones? My DD is a bit overweight but she’s very petite frame so you would never say so, she’s basically underweight on BMI index, I’m the same it’s just the way we are. Your DD might be just the opposite.

You mentioned the school nurse and the NHS website but have you actually seen a GP/dietician.

I must admit I'm sceptical of these charts. My own DD has her dad's Amazonian build and would come up as overweight on any of then even though she was a perfectly 'normal' looking child. We opted out of school weigh-ins for this reason.

She's now 17 and after a rough couple of years, got into healthy eating and exercise in January. She's lost 1.5 stone, is 5'7 and a size 12, goes to the gym 6 times a week and yet still shows as obese on weight charts!

One of the things DD likes for breakfast is overnight oats or baked oats. You can use a high protein yoghurt and fresh fruit...there are lots of recipes on TikTok.

Also drinking plenty of water has been helpful for her.

I wonder if your DD is actually consuming enough calories, or if her body is hoarding them as she needs more.

I would increase her vegetable & protein intake, decrease her carbs bit.
Make sure any sauces are tomato based or herby, not high in fat & definitely not cheesey or creamy.
A good way to fill up at meal times is to start with a small bowl of soup before you eat your main meal - ideally homemade with vegetables in. Again, it should be tomato or broth/stock based, not cheesey or creamy. The liquid content & fibre from the vegetables will help fill her up, & it's something all the family could have together as it's good for the diges.digestion

Have you tried melatonin to help with sleep? A lot of people with ASD don't produce enough apparently and it can help with deep sleep.

If I don't sleep well, I'm hungrier all day, it has an impact.

Thanks everyone- just put will come back to this later on

Reading between the lines a bit is DD adopted?

You’ve detailed lots of info for school days but that’s only really about half the time when you factor in weekends and school holidays. What is her diet like then?

Depending on what her special interests are you could try to use them to your advantage eg you mentioned she likes the characters on her plate, is there any healthy food branded with those characters she could try, or is there something healthy the characters eat in an episode she would eat after watching them? Try to find themes of things she enjoys and tie them into food to make it fun.

Same for exercise, what you’ve mentioned - enjoying scootering, Zumba, and just dance, are a great start as sometimes half the problem is finding some activity they enjoy! Try to turn it into a game or competition and get the family involved.

Look if she can bring a yogurt into school rather than the one they have there so you can pick a healthy high protein one for her. Is she in mainstream school? If so I wouldn’t trust the school to be particularly vigilant with what she’s eating and how much.

Another thing to look at is trying to make the positives out of puberty so she doesn’t feel ashamed of her growing body which can cause secret eating etc. Is there any “big girl” things you can use to put a positive spin on growing up, that might also help with the food and exercise. Eg helping with shopping, researching recipes, filling out the meal planner, helping to cook etc

I wouldn't cut carbs entirely, just make wise choices about them which is sounds like you're already taking on board.

Have you done your daughters height and weight and put the details into the nhs BmI calculator? They now have a specific chart for paediatrics so this would be interesting to know what her result is.

Keep typing long reply’s to everyone and losing them before posting somehow so will just post her weekend meals to start with.
Sat-
Breakfast- porridge or muesli, 1 crumpet with honey (am aware this is too much ok the sweet side now so will change that) fruit
Swims on Sat morn.
Lunch- we have ‘souper Saturdays’ with home made soup, she will have 2 pieces of bread and maybe some Brie cheese with that. She has fruit
Dinner- eg. Pizza -home made usually or make your own from Asda. She will have 2 or 3 slices usually with salad, we usually have ice cream or cake afterwards
Drinks the same as during week
Sunday- pancakes, 2 small ones with fruit and honey/syrup
Lunch- tend to be out and about so usually a chicken or cheese sandwich & fruit.
Dinner- roast dinner, usually with 3 veg.
Jelly or trifle or similar.
Hope this helps further- will add more tomorrow when the page doesn’t keep deleting my comments!