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Original poster

My partner hates my sons girlfriend

96 replies

pjp1974 · 28/12/2021 13:13

Background, my partner of 9 years moved in with me and my teenage boys 4 years ago. During this time his kids have stayed with use over school holidays (that's all the court order permitted because of the distance they are away from us) and I have always treated them well, supported them and also him when he's been having a rough time - with anything. Not just his kids who now rarely even pick up the phone to him, but with his family, health, job as well as working full time, keeping the house half decent, doing all laundry and shopping. Everything. And I've never asked for anything in return other than a quiet life.

3 months ago my son got his first girlfriend and to say it's pretty full on would be an understatement. He's head over heels, absolutely smitten. And it's wonderful to see him happy as he's not been the jolliest of kids so far.

The problem is my partner hates my sons girlfriend, just the sight, sound and thought of her sets him off, having a go at me about it. He wants to control the amount of time they spend together (to me as long as no school/college work suffers it's ok to see each other most days) to just weekends. There's no way I'd even think about imposing that on the love birds. He thinks she's too 'in your face' and yes she is chattier than we're used to but she's a nice girl and she makes my boy happy. I've also noticed that my partner barely speaks to my son now but will spend ages chatting away to my oldest as though they are best mates.

I can't tell you just how uncomfortable he's making things for me and I'm sure my son and gf are far from oblivious to it. I feel like I can't leave the house when they are all in incase there is an argument.

My partner is very difficult to talk to about 'problems' as he twists everything to make it seem as though I'm having a go at him, that he's at fault every time which has always made me back down from difficult conversations to avoid conflict. This time I can't do that as it's impacting on my relationships with both my partner and my son.

Any advice?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 28/12/2021 15:42

Yup.
Sounds like the kind of "hate" that means he would shag her given half a chance.

But regardless, he's a twat. Is he really worth keeping when he behaves so rudely?

MiniCooperLover · 28/12/2021 15:50

To me it sounds like he's jealous of your son being able to have a young girlfriend ...

VenusClapTrap · 28/12/2021 15:50

I wouldn’t tolerate ‘stomping around and slamming doors’ from a teenager, let alone a grown man. He sounds very childish. You need to put your son first here and if your partner can’t grow up and be civil then he needs to be shown the door.

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Relationship problems
anon12345678901 · 28/12/2021 15:59

@Anoisagusaris

I’d say he fancies her.
Me too. I'd be telling him to fuck off tbh
1concernedmummy · 28/12/2021 16:03

Agree with other posters suggesting he fancies the teenage girl...ick. I'm so sorry OP.

Gretaburley · 28/12/2021 16:04

He fancies her or he's jealous or both.

Antonyroyle · 28/12/2021 16:05

@Anoisagusaris

I’d say he fancies her.
Either this or she's he's secret child from a fling/affair years ago.

Disclaimer: I watch a lot of itv dramas.

CPL593H · 28/12/2021 16:09

Regardless of the girlfriend thing, he sounds like an utter dead weight that you are having to carry in the relationship. I would set some higher expectations for what you need.

Maassi · 28/12/2021 16:11

100% he fancies her.
Fucking horrible creep

thetinsoldier · 28/12/2021 16:13

So you have supported your h

as well as working full time, keeping the house half decent, doing all laundry and shopping. Everything. And I've never asked for anything in return other than a quiet life.

He sounds like a lazy cocklodger. What does he bring to your life? He sounds like an entitled joy-sucker.

I'd throw him out.

Thatsplentyjack · 28/12/2021 16:14

I think you know exactly why he "hates" her OP.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/12/2021 16:16

Yeah he fancies her.

comfortablyfrumpy · 28/12/2021 16:28

Whether he fancies her or not (and I suspect he does), his behaviour is not on.

I think it is time he packs his bags. If he won't speak about it then you really have no choice.

Maassi · 28/12/2021 16:29

Imagine 20 years from now and this young girl is now a mumsnetter talking about the creepy (possibly exposed to inappropriate) behaviour she had at the hands of her first BFs mums partner. And that the mum knew how uncomfortable she felt but was more concerned about keeping the peace and doing everything for her partner.

Get rid of this vile man. He's a nasty cocklodger. A decent man doesnt behave like this.

EveningOverRooftops · 28/12/2021 16:43

Your boys are going to have numerous girlfriend or boyfriends over the coming years. This is of course normal.

Is your partner going to throw a massive mantrum at every girl or boy your sons bring home?

Why does he get to try and control who is in the family home?

Is he jealous/envious of your son that he is dating her? Hoping she’s of legal age or this is even more creepy as fuck but not beyond the realms of possibility.

D

GrannytoaUnicorn · 28/12/2021 16:58

I'd be reminding him that your son is not his!!!

pradavilla · 28/12/2021 17:07

As soon as I read this my first thought was that he probably fancies her. Nothing so far has made me think otherwise. It's just such strange behaviour it's the only reason I can think of.

Wombat69 · 28/12/2021 17:11

Yep, first thing that came into my head, bit like blokes who are homophobic, it's him not coping with fancying her...

BleuJay · 28/12/2021 17:12

Sounds like he is jealous of the vivacious young woman your son has pulled.

That’s not a slight on you op, it’s just young live full of excitement and lust is more appealing to an older chap who by the sounds of it doesn’t have much going for him so he is deeply resentful of your son enjoying his youth with a lovely young girl.

TeachesOfPeaches · 28/12/2021 17:13

I think he is jealous of your son and fancies the girlfriend

ImmutableSexQueen · 28/12/2021 17:15

@TeachesOfPeaches

I think he is jealous of your son and fancies the girlfriend
And, he wants to be the Alpha male who gets/controls/has sex with the women.
LetsGoThenSanta · 28/12/2021 17:15

Just want to check you're ok @pjp1974 ?
I can't imagine it's easy reading all of these comments.

Therealjudgejudy · 28/12/2021 17:17

Red flags everywhere...

Arethechildreninbedyet · 28/12/2021 17:18

Does he fancy her? His behaviour is irrational and bizarre.

Pack his bags and show him the door OP. At the end of the day it’s your sons’ home and you moved your boyfriend in. It’s clearly not working out if he’s making it such a turbulent environment to live him, ask him to leave by the end of January.

Branleuse · 28/12/2021 17:20

He fancies her and blames her for it. Lots of men seem to get angry with women they fancy if they cant have them. Also coupled with feeling like hes not the man of the house anymore.
Id be quite concerned about his behaviour. If he cant even discuss things either then how do you work with that.