What was the biggest shock after having a baby?

[Thefaceofboe]

Mine was that babies don’t necessarily go to bed around 7pm. I always presumed bath and bed would be done at 7pm and baby would wake up for the day at 7am. My 3mo does 11pm - 11am

@WakeUpLockie

I remember these shocking moments:

1. realising he is going to die one day

2. realising in the supermarket that people are still just going about their own lives and HELLO, I JUST HAD A BABY!!???

3. you are straight into it, it’s born and boom, this is it, get on with it, no time to recover really (mentally. Staying in bed with a newborn in heaven 😄). Life keeps on coming!

4. people (friends) not as interested as I’d expected

Oh gif yeah, all of this.

Especially 1.

Obviously I hope it's in a long long time when I'm not here anymore....but still

That even if you do breastfeed, sometimes it’s not enough and you’ll need to mix. That doing this doesn’t make you a failure. Thank you wonderful paediatric consultant for cuddling me (even in Covid times) and wiping my tears away when I broke down on her from the guilt at not realising my daughter was hungry.

That the stitches pain will be secondary to the broken coccyx from birth.

How overwhelming your own baby’s cry is and how it completely blocks out everything else.

How much sleep deprivation and every aspect makes your fuse really really really short!

• That you need to feed them at night. Honestly, I thought a newborn can just sleep through the night, and was (unpleasantly) surprised when a nurse told me I need to wake the baby up and feed him at least once every 4 hours.
• sleep deprivation that goes on for months and months (it's been a year and I still haven't caught up on sleep)
• endless screams
• colic
• how I never have time for myself anymore
• that I will still have extra weight a year after giving birth, and will still look pregnant (I'm not pregnant, just have fat on my stomach)
• that I will develop chronic blood pressure issue after pre-ecclampsia
• that breastfeeding can be excruciatingly painful and that my milk supply will always be low

All this stuff, but I did expect to be tired, that BF wouldn't necessarily be easy etc as I'd had some warning of those. But what I had no idea about was the bleeding - like the worst period ever that went on for 6 weeks! I didn't even know that was a thing!

Two things:

1. The excruciating pain of breastfeeding
2. That I was able to love that much, that strongly, that selflessly

The lochia post birth bleed. Like a period they said. Is it MY CRACKED ARSE like a period. The bathroom looked like several mutants had been slashed and murdered in there when I had my first shower. It didn't get any better for weeks, not days.

That your overwhelming love and concern for your child can result in really weird dreams where you foresee so many hazards and dangers for your precious baby.

That there was no way I could continue with my career and be the mum I wanted to be.

How hard BF is.

How little time I have for myself.

How if you don't have a supportive partner/network of support things can go to pot quickly.

How much fucking washing there is every day!

How the house is never tidy again. Might be clean, but not tidy.

How tiring looking after him is full time (I'm on mat leave). It's the hardest thing I've ever done.

How anxious you become.

How men will never get the sacrifices we go through and will nevef respect us like we deserve because they really don't get it.

How I'd become less materialistic and how his health and happiness would become key, if not only things that matter to me.

How much he farts.

How much he smiles.

How much I love him. I'd honestly die for him. I wouldn't for anyone else.

How horrific it was. The sleep deprivation, the loneliness, the strain on the marriage, the not being what I thought it would be. I remember someone describing to me at the end of that first hellish year that they had found their baby’s first year ‘traumatic’ and I felt so relieved, like I had permission to view it that way! It was traumatic for me and it took me a long while to accept it wasn’t like that for everyone as well. Now I know it is for many, but some people have babies who sleep for more than 30m at a time, etc.

How 'ruined' you feel down below.

Realising I will never be able to 'not worry' again. For the rest of my life there will be worry. From tiny things to huge things, all to do with their welfare basically. Before I never worried about anything.

And the hormonal hot flushes and the flush of terror you get when they scream incessantly and you've really run out of ideas wtf is wrong with them. Never understood how hard this is until it happened over and over again!

@Takemine

How like tiny old people they are.

How much suffering there is in adjusting to a terrestrial existence. The switch from aquatic is very hard.

Umm what? Ariel, is that you?

That I had a 24 hour job and was no longer only answerable to myself.

I remember reading a book in the garden and hearing my baby cry on the baby monitor. I was frustrated as I was enjoying my book. That’s when I realised, my time was no longer mine, my needs and desires now came second.

How breastfeeding was the most unnatural thing in the world even though I'd spent the previous 9 months being told the opposite

And that you suddenly have them for life, ie you'll not only not have your precious time alone, but you'll also need to care for them, educate, dress, feed, help and resolve their ever changing problems for years. It's mind blowing and terrifying when it hits you.

A C section cuts you open; why would you assume you wouldn't bleed from that just as much if not more than a vaginal birth?

But, for the record, you bleed after every birth because the placenta has just ripped away from where it was embedded in the lining of your uterus and has left effectively a raw wound behind. I only bled heavily in the week after each birth and was basically finished by the end of week 2, but 6-8 weeks before it completely stops is pretty common.

@ScrambledSmegs

That they let us walk out of the hospital with our newborn. Honestly, it felt like we were going to be stopped by security and told to take her back because we were clearly out of our depth

Definitely this. I kept looking around thinking we would be stopped by someone. How my belly felt so hollow. Visitors coming to see the baby and wanting waiting on. How long it took me to get ready. One day I was sitting down to breakfast and couldn’t believe how well I had done eg washed and dressed (baby wasn’t) . Hearing children going to school I thought I had done amazing. They were coming home from school! If the baby cried and someone said I wonder what’s the matter? I couldn’t understand why they didn’t clearly know the reason like I did.

Definitely vaginal bleeding after a c section was bizarre
The loss of mobility in the first days after c section ( or just being too scared to move)
That birth doesn’t always go to plan and you just have to go with whatever and have no expectations of the perfect birth
That even if you breastfed your first well , the second doesn’t just come naturally and you can be confronted by a whole different set of challenges , every baby is different
Sleep of course, I can’t believe it’s actually possible to have such little sleep and it be so interrupted without going mad. I remember lying in hospital after nearly 3 days no sleep and thinking hmmm there’s a point you go mad isn’t there, I was sure I read it was around day 3 ??!
The snappiness and character changes the lack of sleep and being a sofa prisoner bring
I remember my first people lying and saying the next month would get easier and when it didn’t i was crushed. Now I know generally at 6 months after weaning it picks up in terms of sleep and reduction in bf so there is hope but I’m not expecting major change in the months before that
The guilt of not being able to interact with my toddler much or the same way and having to tell her off a lot for being noisy, trying to poke baby, wake him etc

How straightforward breastfeeding has been (all praise goes to my baby, he is fab!).

How boring maternity leave can be.

How intrusive some of the questions people ask are. Eg; how you're feeding baby, assuming they'll have formula eventually (no plans to FF!), why you'd want to return to work.

How I loved my baby absolutely immediately.

How I would think about my baby every moment I wasn't with him.

How I wouldn't want anyone to look after him aside from me and my husband.

Oh and also that I'd still have a huge bump - I was appalled! I'd brought normal-sized clothes to wear home form hospital. I thought all that stuff about fitting into your old clothes again was just about extra weight. I didn't realise I'd continue to look very pregnant for weeks.

@stalkersaga

A C section cuts you open; why would you assume you wouldn't bleed from that just as much if not more than a vaginal birth?

But, for the record, you bleed after every birth because the placenta has just ripped away from where it was embedded in the lining of your uterus and has left effectively a raw wound behind. I only bled heavily in the week after each birth and was basically finished by the end of week 2, but 6-8 weeks before it completely stops is pretty common.

I had a VB first time and CS second time and I bled waay less after the c-section. I just assumed they sucked some of it out while they were in there. Like at the dentist

Oh and also the amount of confidence I gained. I can speak to anyone about anything now, I literally don't care if they judge me.

That I felt like a prisoner in my house and would spend the entire of my maternity leave finding reasons not to be in it

That you have your first baby and they let you walk out of the hospital with your baby just to get on with life. The fear of leaving the hospital!

@lebkuchenforxmas

Mine is now 12 (years). I am still surprised that she is an individual human being and has always had very clear opinions on what she likes and dislikes. I was expecting something much more similar to a doll.

Mine too! My friend has just had a baby and really struggling with the lack of sleep. DD and I went out together today and I thought this is the reward for having been through it.