Trapped toddler parents: support through winter and beyond

[squishymamma]

Following on from the previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4292353-Trapped-toddler-parents-Inspiration-and-support-needed-through-the-summer-hols

Not the most inventive name but apt I think...

We are trying to have a quiet few days as we are off to France on Tuesday to visit family, and I'm terrified of us catching covid and not being able to go.
Had to take DS to the park today to run around to burn some energy off though so hoping he sleeps tonight so I can get packing!

Awww what a feeling @pompomsgalore. The "lasts" of everything. We haven't yet decided if we're sticking with 2 or having 3 (I know I'm crazy) so I'm worried I'll sail through all these potential lasts without actually appreciating them.

@Scotabroad24 how nice to go to France! Fingers crossed you all stay healthy.

I've been totally wiped out today by this booster and obviously DS2 has been super awake and desperate for milk, and DS1 has also been fairly clingy...just woke up from an almost 3 hour sleep though so feeling marginally better. Problem is when I'm ill I'm super sensitive everywhere, so breastfeeding is not pleasant

DS1 has begun trying to talk more now at 22 months which is exciting. Problem is we still don't have a clue what he's saying

@Scotabroad24 @squishymamma I can imagine a few tears so glad to hear I aren't alone! I read a cheesy fb poem meme thing once about 'lasts' and I cried and cried over it. I have an older child who's 22 and one day I must've picked her up and never picked up again. It's awful bit natural and I'm tearing up typing it now. One day I kissed her goodnight and that was the last time!

But imagine if we knew at the time it was the last time how awful that would be!!!

On the plus side I don't feel broody. I held a tiny baby the other week and thought that was nice and then hot on with my day. That's new as I've always been broody. Thank god though as I am 43 this year!

@squishymamma the booster floored me too. Total
Shock but didn't last long so hope you feel better soon.

The first birthday is really emotional I think @pompomsgalore Despite finding it hard with my two most of the time, I still get the broody feeling sometimes too. I found it hard putting the pram in the loft once I decided dS2 was too big for it. No more for us either, I'm 42 this year and DH has just turned 45.

A trip to France sounds lovely @Scotabroad24.

Hope you feel better @squishymamma..

We made it to the garden centre and got some pots and seeds and planted some and made some labels, not quite Gardens World and they probably won't grow but it passed some time.

Oh no @squishymamma, I hope you feel better soon. Most folk I know who had side effects from the booster felt fine 2-3 days later, when did you get it?

Ive seen those quotes @pompomsgalore they make me so emotional. I'm desperate to have baby number 2 but I'm not sure if we will due to finances and space, so I keep looking at DS and wondering if he is my only and last.

@Scotabroad24 we have very little money as only one income and NO space. But we live quite cheaply and I try to be ruthless with culling my stuff. Plus the attic is rammed. Well organised, but rammed

@pompomsgalore how many DC do you have? One little and the older?
I'd be willing to sell all my stuff if it meant another baby the emotional side definitely wins with me. I need to go back to work (new job) in March so we'll see how everything works with DS in nursery and me working full time before we decide. We definitely couldn't afford to for me to take another year off or even 6mnths, and maternity leave where we live is only 3 months.

I @Scotabroad24 I have three: 22, 3 and 1.

Drunk men are such immovable lumps! DH has been out day drinking since lunch until 8, gone to bed fast asleep sprawled out in the middle. Can I move him, nope. Can I wake him nope. I feel like I'm on a comedy sketch!

I feel for you @Motherofmonsters. We don't really drink so much here but I've definitely had a similar situation! Hope you eventually managed to get space in the bed.

We've had a horrible night so far, DS2 has been really unsettled and has been constantly feeding. I still feel rubbish so have just had more paracetamol. Then we had a bout of bad wolf, so lots of screaming which didn't help my headache! He just won't sleep...

Hi everyone, the app is rubbish - unlike the mobile browser nothing comes up if you @ and you can't see the thread when you're typing a reply. So bear with me! For some reason mobile Mumsnet just doesn't work on my phone anymore so I might just have to switch back to desktop version on my phone if that works.

Squishy - yes my DD's sleep was affected by the birth of DS but not immediately, it took a week or so to kick in. It settled fairly quickly though we then took her dummies off her at Xmas and that started another few bad nights but settled again. She still wakes in the night fairly frequently but they're brief and she did this before he was born anyway. Interestingly she barely woke in the night barring illness between like 13 months - 33 months, it's since then that she started waking up in the night, sometimes crying, sometimes not and asking for things like fixing her duvet, a drink, finding x teddy that was buried somewhere in her bed, a cuddle...

Having a terrible nights sleep here. Think because of anxiety :( it's meant to be a rest night for me as DH does the first wake with the baby and gives a bottle bit I've barely slept anyway. And he kept waking only 30 mins adfer he'd got him down to sleep and tried twice to get him off again with the dummy but he wasn't having it so am up feeding him. Even though he had a bigger than usual bottle of formula only 2hrs ago grrr.

My DH snores too, I sleep with ear plugs in quite a lot. Got them in now. I still wake when DS wakes up, I'm a really light sleeper. The snoring drives me mad. Both the kids snore as well!!!

I know what you mean about worry about lasts. We probably won't have anymore kids and I don't really feel it's through choice because the main issues are finances and the physical and mental effects of pregnancy and birth on my body. I've had two awful pregnancies (HG twice and PGP in the second one) followed by two horrible labours both with instrumental deliveries that have traumatised me and left me with a weak pelvic floor and at the moment my abs are totally done in as well from diastasis. Don't think I could face vaginal birth again and I had stress urinary incontinence in my last pregnancy, terrified another one/one birth would ruin my pelvic floor and lead to it being permanent :(

@SecondhandTable Christ you sound like you've had a terrible time. It's a wonder you had more than one. What an achievement!

Feel for everyone this morning that's had rubbish sleep @squishymamma and @secondhandtable
My DS sleep has gone massively downhill the last few months, we can be awake up to 6x a night at the moment! He slept through last week for the first time in about 6 months which gave us false hope but nope didn't last.

@secondhandtable if you had easier pregnancies/deliveries would you definitely have another?
I had a horrible labour and birth, long and painful as ds was back to back had a failed epidural, and no other pain meds here (offer of paracetamol, seriously) ended up with ventouse and espisiotomy and tearing, we dont live in the UK and had ds in lockdown, dh wasn't allowed in at all and didn't meet ds til he was 4 days old and we were out of hospital. Took months to feel even remotely normal again and that definitely makes me doubt if I could do it again!

Sorry to hear that @SecondhandTable I too have diastasis recti. I've had a mix of instrumental and csection deliveries. I'm left with such an overhang it's like a.mans beer belly ☹️ plus I have urinary incontinence when I sneeze etc. I find Pilates has really helped to strength my core, and swimming too. Have stopped for a few months due to family commitments but really need to get back into it.

After two Caesareans my overhang is dreadful. In fact my DS1 started calling me the Hippo.

Aww @Chocolatetrifle kids can be blunt can't they! Mine have said in the last things like ooo your tummy is all soft and squashy 🤣 I've had 3 sections

@SecondhandTable hope you managed to get some sleep, it's awful when you have the opportunity to sleep but you just can't even though you're exhausted.

So sorry to hear so many of you have had horrible experiences with pregnancy and birth I've been really lucky and had pretty easy and uncomplicated pregnancies and births, and they were hard enough - I can't even imagine what it's like to have such traumatic experiences. You're all heroes!

@Chocolatetrifle that's terrible but also made me chuckle a little - children really do have no filter!

We eventually got some sleep by taking it in shifts to have DS2 sleep on us, because he point blank refused to be in his crib. I remember going through a similar period with DS1, so I know it will pass, and usually it would have been fine but because I felt so crap yesterday it was overwhelming. Feeling much much better today though - have even started cleaning the bath toys/mat with bleach which is wellllll overdue (the mildew on the bottom of the bath mat is embarrassing).

We're just having a quiet day, going to take DS1 sledding when he wakes up from his nap. Hope everyone else has a good day!

@chocolatetrifle kids have no filter do they!

@squishymamma have fun sledding

Hope everyone has a nice Sunday whatever you're all doing I'm currently trying to pack suitcases and do a mountain of washing whilst DS trails behind me trashing the house as he goes

Scots - unfortunately both my labours have been similar to yours, they were awful. I was considering an ELCS for the second but thought that was scary too and odds of an unassisted vaginal birth for a second time mum is about 80 per cent so I took my chances but nope, after pushing for two hours again DS also started to show signs of distress so they got him out with ventouse and episiotomy again. If we were wealthy, and I had straightforward pregnancies and births, I would have another two more I think and think DH would be on board. But we are not and my health is what it is, so probably two will be our lot. Which does make me sad when it doesn't feel like a choice. But I am blessed to have them both of course.

Chocolate - my DD said I had a big tummy the other day too! I can actually fit back in my size 8 pre-pregnancy jeans, but it's a squeeze. I have lost almost all the weight, it's more that the diastasis makes everything just hang forward on my abs so I look like I'm in early pregnancy eek.

Its just horrible hearing and seeing so many of these birth stories @secondhandtable I never realised just how many women have awful experiences until I had ds. Completely understand about feeling the choice isn't yours anymore.
Although saying that after days like today with terrorist toddler ds I'm not sure how I'd cope with 2 of them

We had a terrible night, too. Ended up going to bed at like 9.30pm just so we could put the toddler in with us and he kept patting and shushhing us and giving us his cuddly toy. Then this morning crashed out on my partner at like 9am for a nap (he usually goes down for his only nap at 11.30am!)

Has anyone had any success with a Gro clock? DD woke up at 4 and wouldn't go back to sleep.

Hope everyone has had a good night

Sorry to hear you've had bad nights recently @tiddletoddling and @Motherofmonsters. Haven't tried a Gro clock but it might be a good idea, I think it's really hard for them to understand whether it's time to get up or not when it's so dark for so long in the mornings.

We had an alright night last night, hoping it's because we tried a new tactic - DS1 helped us "put DS2 to bed" doing exactly the same things we do with him, then we repeated the process with him and he actually went to sleep. So he's probably been jealous that DS2 has been allowed to stay with us while he's had to go in his crib. Hoping this solves the issue of getting him to sleep. Obviously as soon as he's down we go and get DS2 who spends the evening with us, but DS1 doesn't need to know that

Today DS1 is in nursery, just doing some tummy time with DS2 before we do a bit of cleaning and food shopping - nothing too exciting. Hope everyone got some sleep last night!