The man who raped me has a good life. That hurts me. That’s it really.

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Life can be cruel can’t it?
I’m just sad. My life’s pretty good but I’m sad. He caused me great harm, a harm that continues for many women today. Shame he looks like an upstanding citizen. No one would guess. Not even his darling wife and kids. But I know. I know.

I vent on here often as I don’t have anyone to vent to in real life ☹️

Vent away it's shit to watch someone who hurt you look like they're having a good life

Bless you darling, my heart goes out to you. I would give you a hug if I could. One day karma will find him, rest assured.

It just upsets me In my heart. Hes loaded. Beautiful kids. Astoundingly successful wife. He is successful too: I’m just sad. Karma is not real. That’s ok but it’s not real, he’s not looked back since hurting me. So many like him. So many like me.

To be fair. I look like I’m ok. Nice marriage. Ok home. Ok kids. But the part of me that was fucked up. Remains fucked up. Rape is a cavernous thing. Especially when you’re a virgin. It’s nasty.

So sorry OP. Sometimes I feel as though there is no justice in the world. Life can be very unfair at times.

So sorry he has got away with it this long. Agree with Sonata above, Karma will get him one day. Think how long Weinstein with his money, arrogance and confidence was above being charged.

Not sure why rape hurts so much. Maybe because it wasn’t stranger rape but coerced rape. My parents didn’t safe guard me. Ripe for picking. That’s sad. Rejection too, as post rape (multiple) I was a bye bye. He’s a super engineer now, wide a geriatrician. Me? I’m a survivor. A daily survivor. To be fair; my own family love me to bits. That’s something. I hope.

Oh yes Weinstein - I’m glad that empire fell!

I’m so sorry. It’s just shit. Life is so sodding unfair sometimes. Bad things can happen to good people and good things to bad people. I don’t believe in karma either. It’s ok to be angry so vent as much as you need to.

I don't know what to say that could make this better. You clearly are very strong for how you have continued with your life. I am so so though no woman should have to go through what you have.

It hurts. I really do understand.

I told the girlfriend. She has ignored and doesn’t care. Some men have that charm.

I’m
Angry with myself in part.
But you only know what you know at the time.
Who knows fuck all at 16 ?
Not me from my chaotic home.
Naffs me now though as so many years later, I still have ptsd.
He’s rolling in the hay.
In a way, that’s ok.
I do not want more people to hurt in the world than need to.
But the weapon he used to brutalise me, made 3 privileged Kids and a lovely wife very happy.
What a strange paradox.
Life can be very surreal.
I’m ok Ish. Just sad tonight as a mutual friend shared his family picture on Facebook. Year on year, they’re happy,
Nearly 20 years in.
He must be doing something right.

Sorry for moaning but rape is surely a deep deep wound. Not physically. Mentally.

I'm so sorry. It's so unfair. He doesn't deserve a nice life after what he did.
Bastard. Sending you love & strength. I would love to think Karma is real and that he gets a good dose of it.

Weirdly. I wouldn’t want harm to his kids. They deserve loving parents, but I would love to kick him right in the nuts and say he was a psycho for what he did to me. No excuse that he was young. He knew better. I knew better but I let him as some ‘love’ was better than no love: I now know that translates as ‘some attention’ was better than no attention.
I love mumsnet for helping me feel less alone.

I'm so sorry for your hurt.

If you feel up to it, read this extract about how to change your thoughts about the reality of an erect penis;

hypnothai.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/changing-attitude-by-milton-erickson/

Thanks to those who’ve answered me in my wee sore moment.

I was raped by my exh & he got away with it, it's taken 11 years to stop it having headspace. I have come to the conclusion that allowing him to be in my head means that he is winning, ruining my mental health & I just won't let him win.

I'm so sorry OP Sadly I know exactly where you're coming from.

I’m virtually nestling up to those who understand. I’m not saying anything But I’m nestling. I’m very very sore of heart.

But the weapon he used to brutalise me, made 3 privileged Kids and a lovely wife very happy.

This hit me right in the gut. Gosh, OP. You sound like a strong, brave woman. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry he got away with it. Here's hoping that feelings of guilt flood his mind every night in the wee hours.

I’m afraid this talk of karma is just wishful thinking.
I too have an abuser who has had a successful life and is a pillar of the community. I hate him. He’ll never pay for what he did.
I read an American article a while back on people who protect college-age sex offenders so as not to “ruin their life for one mistake”. What happens is that they end up doing BETTER than their peers who never committed a crime, because they get so much help, from people who feel sorry for them and want to protect them from the stigma of what they did. It’s insane and horrendous.
No suggestions I’m afraid, but you’re absolutely not alone. This is not fair on those of us who went through this.

I’m a weirdo. I’d just like a sorry. A sorry would help. He doesn’t remember I exist but I need a drink every time my darling husband touches me. That is the reality of rape. The. Reality. Of. Rape.

Look up Holly Richmonds new book. I think you’ll find it very helpful.