The man who raped me has a good life. That hurts me. That’s it really.

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Life can be cruel can’t it?
I’m just sad. My life’s pretty good but I’m sad. He caused me great harm, a harm that continues for many women today. Shame he looks like an upstanding citizen. No one would guess. Not even his darling wife and kids. But I know. I know.

I'm so sorry.

I have never experienced what you have, but went through other childhood shit.

Your counselor sounds like an idiot! Of course you know it was long ago. The whole point of PTSD is that the trauma is not distinguishable from the present in our bodies, emotions, nervous systems. If you feel up to it, a good trauma therapist might be able to help. Or let me know if you'd like any book recommendations about trauma - I've got half a library myself...

It's not fair.

Injustice is so very hard to live with.

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom

I tried counselling,

Your counsellor said ''it's a long time ago''.

Wow. When I tried to dismiss the significance of something to my psychotherapist, she said I wouldn't have so much work it things ceased to matter just because they were a long time ago.

@converseandjeans

athenajm80 have you thought about reporting it? It's awful that someone who was a 'family friend' gets away with this sort of thing.

No, my aunt made me go and confront him in front of his mum and dad (heaven only knows why!) His dad was a police officer in the local area, you would have thought I was the suspect the way they questioned me. Fuckwit's sister had died in a car accident a year or so before and his mum was a mess. I didn't want her to hurt anymore and I knew what the likelihood of conviction would be. No one believed me apart from my sister (who knew other girls he'd done it to, including one where the evidence was miraculously lost!) , in fact I confronted my dad and step-mum about it recently and they said they were harsh about it cause i said I made it all up 🤨 I am sure I didn't say that and if I did, it was probably because they were blaming me so I just would have said it to shut them up. It messed me up for a long time, probably still has a subconscious psychological effect, but I am still a million times better than him, even now with my "crazy" spiralling and thinking of self harm (not going to), I think of him and feel nothing but pity and derision towards him.

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom

I’m Angry with myself in part. But you only know what you know at the time. Who knows fuck all at 16 ? Not me from my chaotic home. Naffs me now though as so many years later, I still have ptsd. He’s rolling in the hay. In a way, that’s ok. I do not want more people to hurt in the world than need to. But the weapon he used to brutalise me, made 3 privileged Kids and a lovely wife very happy. What a strange paradox. Life can be very surreal. I’m ok Ish. Just sad tonight as a mutual friend shared his family picture on Facebook. Year on year, they’re happy, Nearly 20 years in. He must be doing something right.

Similar happened to me at 16. Parents turned a blind eye to what was an obvious safeguarding risk. I told them years later and my dad just shrugged and said "well, you were 16". I will never forgive any of them. I think about it most days and it was 30 years ago. It's shit. I'm sorry it happened to you. And to me, and to anyone else reading this who has suffered.

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom

Thanks all

OP When I was 22 something happened to me. I was not raped but I almost nearly was by someone who is dead now. I consider myself lucky to be alive. It stayed with me for years and disturbed my thoughts. Then something happened and I could not stop crying over it. I had not moved on but the person who caused me to feel like this had and also had no idea either who I was or what they did to make me feel so bad. I went to a police station and talked to an officer who told me nothing could be done but said I did the right thing by telling someone. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders I no longer allow that person to occupy that place in my head any more.

By posting what you have and saying how you feel, you are not moving on so you are in effect still letting this man ruin your life.
You have to move on and stop living in the past.

What he did to you was wrong. He should have been dealt with. To do something now may bring even more hurt to you especially if nobody believes you or the police do not think there is enough evidence.

Try counselling again with someone else. Talk to a friend about it. You need to get this horrible man out of your system or it will consume you and destroy you.

My daughter was with a violent man that she escaped from. He went on to rape two women and went to prison for seven years. I take great relish in saying 'do you mean the Rapis' if his name is mentioned in my presence. For a long time I had a blog up about him and refused to take it down. These men aren't men, they're scum. for you op, you might not feel it but you're heroic

OP, I think you were saying earlier that you thought it was too long ago to report. I've just looked it up ... and it isn't too late to report it to the police. There isn't any time limit. If I were in your place, I'd do it - report him. I think it might give you some closure. Please report the bastard!

I was raped by my (then) bestie
It’s a raw wound that I can never heal
He not only got found not guilty,but he has a lovely career,a daughter,friends who stood by him rather than me and his family

I had a breakdown and lost everything
And I mean everything-am in a better place now but it’s been a long slog to get there

What hurt most is the judge saying I should have ‘made better lifestyle choices’

And my mother who dined out on it for months until someone pointed out that maybe she should be supporting me rather than laughing about it
Her answer?
‘Oh x,she didn’t even know she’d been raped until the cheque bounced!’

It’s still raw-it’ll never leave me,but I know karma will bite-I won’t know about it but it will

I’m sending so much strength to all the ladies who have suffered-it’s the worst feeling thinking your the only one who’s gone through it

We are so strong and brave

We are also survivors

I’m so sorry OP 💐 Yes, it does hurt. You’re not alone, believe me.

Thank you to the kind souls who took the time to answer me, share with me and make me feel less alone, thank you x