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Original poster

Present dilemma - what would you do?!?

78 replies

Oobleyyy · 18/12/2021 10:46

DD1 told her sister what her present is vaguely (it’s a big Sylvanian Families set) but didn’t tell her which one. (The fact that DD1 told her is another story altogether!)

DD2 is going absolutely nuts. Begging me to tell her, saying things like “if you don’t tell me I’ll hate you” or “if you don’t tell me I’ll look for it anyway” etc etc on and on and crying (she’s almost 5). She won’t let it go!

I’ve been very gentle about it, telling her I understand how frustrating it is knowing there’s an amazing present in the house but not knowing what it is, etc etc. That isn’t working one bit.

DH thinks we should take it back and get her something completely different so that the torture is out the house.

DD2 is not letting this go. She’s ruining it for herself, really.

What do I do?!?!?

OP posts:
Bairnsmum05 · 18/12/2021 10:48

Hide it well so she can't rake about and find it. If you think she'll love the present then just leave it be.

Original poster
Oobleyyy · 18/12/2021 10:50

She definitely can’t find it, it’s way to high up for her to ever get to. Even I can’t reach it with a chair - that’s DH’s height’s job!

How do I make her feel less tortured about it? Would changing it for something else (ie: something not even Sylvanian Families) make it better or worse?

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 18/12/2021 10:52

Tell her is she continues to behave bratty Santa will take it for another little dc..

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Families
NuffSaidSam · 18/12/2021 10:54

How long has it been going on (the crying and asking)? And does she have any SN?

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 18/12/2021 10:56

What do you normally do when she's behaving so awfully? Do that. It really doesn't matter what it's about, she's misbehaving.

I'd tell her if I hear one more word about it, she will NOT be getting it, or anything else.

DD1 - why did you tell her? It's unfair to put that burden on another child.

Original poster
Oobleyyy · 18/12/2021 10:58

@NuffSaidSam

How long has it been going on (the crying and asking)? And does she have any SN?
I don’t think so, but she’s a very explosive child!
OP posts:
Original poster
Oobleyyy · 18/12/2021 11:00

@NovemberNovemberDarkNights

What do you normally do when she's behaving so awfully? Do that. It really doesn't matter what it's about, she's misbehaving.

I'd tell her if I hear one more word about it, she will NOT be getting it, or anything else.

DD1 - why did you tell her? It's unfair to put that burden on another child.

Sadly DD1 saw it in the bag (bag was a bit see-through). Totally my error. I thought she was asleep when I was moving it from one place to another. I asked her not to tell her sister, but she couldn’t resist it. She doesn’t know which set it is, which is where the torture is coming from!
OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 18/12/2021 11:01

Why does your other child know what the present is? Why did you tell them?

Don't take it back and get something else. Perhaps say that it has been moved to a friends house so that she won't be tempted to find it.

Ask her if she would prefer to have a surprise on Christmas day or to know now but confirm that she will not be getting it until Christmas day. If she decides she wants to know now, then respect her wishes knowing that it is down to you and your other child that she is being tortured.

If you want to keep a surprise for Christmas day, learn from this and learn to keep a secret yourself.

Billandben444 · 18/12/2021 11:02

Tell her to cut it out cos if you hear her mention it again she'll get a bag of haribo instead. It would drive me mad!

NuffSaidSam · 18/12/2021 11:04

I think that if telling her would calm her down and solve the situation I'd be tempted to do that.

Or, treat it like any other tantrum and put her in time-out/her room until she's calmed down a bit and then have a calm chat with her about how nice it will be to have a surprise on Christmas morning.

Stompythedinosaur · 18/12/2021 11:04

Just keep distracting her.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 18/12/2021 11:07

I wouldn't exchange it, she is looking forward to getting sylvanian families now!

I would probably just tell her what it is. Why does it need to be a secret? She will still love the toy even if not a surprise

HandScreen · 18/12/2021 11:08

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Tell her is she continues to behave bratty Santa will take it for another little dc..
That's fucking horrible.
MerryMarigold · 18/12/2021 11:14

It's not 'torture' to have a nice present and not know what it is. The things she said were very rude and I hope she was told off for it! She may be explosive but if she's like that at 5, your want to nip it in the bud before she's 15! I would say she's needs to stop NOW or there will be a consequence. Not that she won't get present but something short term eg. No ipad time, no treat visit to dessert shop or whatever.

Fleemeister · 18/12/2021 11:16

Distract, distract, distract. You could talk to her about how her brain is getting stuck on this track and she needs to do something to switch it off so there is space for all the other fun things. Picture breathing out this worry while blowing up a big balloon and then move on to something else engaging.

I don't think it would be the end of the world to tell her though. My son is autistic, we live by slightly different rules perhaps but Christmas has always been more about reassurance than surprises.

NuffSaidSam · 18/12/2021 11:17

It's not 'torture' to have a nice present and not know what it is.

Evidently, it is when you're five and somewhat explosive by nature!

BluebellsGreenbells · 18/12/2021 11:20

My eldest was like this, they need some control over their lives, I would tell her and let her process it. Otherwise her mind is running wild and it’s exhausting her.

I don’t see the harm is letting her know.

Didiusfalco · 18/12/2021 11:22

I think I would tell her it wasn’t in the house and then grey rock. Don’t start running around taking it back that’s madness. This is such a first world problem, which of course at 4 she won’t realise. She’s probably already overexcited. I think I’d be trying to get her out for a walk and do something different

JustLyra · 18/12/2021 11:23

She’s five. It’ll be the double torture of knowing it’s there and not knowing which it is, and that of knowing that her sister knows and she doesn’t.

I’d tell her she has a choice that she can be told which it is or she can be told one of DD1’s presents to make it even that they know.

ParkheadParadise · 18/12/2021 11:27

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Tell her is she continues to behave bratty Santa will take it for another little dc..
👍👍
LittleBrenda · 18/12/2021 11:28

if you don’t tell me I’ll hate you” or “if you don’t tell me I’ll look for it anyway” etc etc on and on and crying (she’s almost 5)
I'd tell her to stop right now. It's not Christmas until Friday! You are being somewhat indulgent with both of them. The older one 'just couldn't resist'. They are riding roughshod all over you.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 18/12/2021 11:30

So is demanding a gift..

Robinkitty · 18/12/2021 11:34

Honestly I’d tell her. My kids need to feel some control over their gifts they don’t cope well with surprises. I’m the same, the not knowing gives me anxiety, it’s not a pleasant feeling.

2319inprogress · 18/12/2021 11:36

My eldest would have been beside herself with this at that age it's definitely personality dependant!
I would say yes you are getting x & I promise that you will love the type of x we chose for you. Then just keep reassuring.

Mine would have been hugely anxious that it was the "wrong" thing & that she would be disappointed on Christmas day(she's a teen now & still hates surprises)

ParkheadParadise · 18/12/2021 11:37

Christ, if my 6-year-old spoke to me like that I would take the present and give it to someone else.
I'm not joking that present would be out of my house and dd would learn some manners.

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