Present dilemma - what would you do?!?

[Oobleyyy]

DD1 told her sister what her present is vaguely (it’s a big Sylvanian Families set) but didn’t tell her which one. (The fact that DD1 told her is another story altogether!)

DD2 is going absolutely nuts. Begging me to tell her, saying things like “if you don’t tell me I’ll hate you” or “if you don’t tell me I’ll look for it anyway” etc etc on and on and crying (she’s almost 5). She won’t let it go!

I’ve been very gentle about it, telling her I understand how frustrating it is knowing there’s an amazing present in the house but not knowing what it is, etc etc. That isn’t working one bit.

DH thinks we should take it back and get her something completely different so that the torture is out the house.

DD2 is not letting this go. She’s ruining it for herself, really.

What do I do?!?!?

I’d tell her.

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Tell her is she continues to behave bratty Santa will take it for another little dc..

Yep, this.

I’d do whatever you normally do when she’s behaving so badly. I wouldn’t be reasoning with her.

take it to the charity shop if she continues. Currently dealing with a stroppy 7 yo who we have let have a bit too much power (hospital and health concerns). Its not fun and you dont want to be battling it out when a teen.

I wouldn't take it back but I would firmly be telling her that if she continues behaving like this Father Christmas might not bother bringing anything at all. Then, subject closed.

Don't get rid of it. That would be cruel and when she's opened her gifts on Xmas day she'll be expecting to see the Sylvanian set amongst them or for you to present it to her last or something.
DD is still little and obviously over excited and is still learning to control her emotions.
It's DD 1 who I'd be really annoyed with. How d is she?

My DS are both prone to explosive behaviour and are being assessed for possible ASD. But even they know presents are for Christmas and we wouldn't put up with this bullshit.

Tell her if she keeps asking, she won't get it. End of.

I don't want to be sticking the boot in, but it does sound like you're over indulging her with this somewhat.

How do I make her feel less tortured about it?

Tell her you have sent it to the North Pole ready for Father Christmas to deliver on Christmas Eve and you can’t remember which one it was but, if she doesn’t stop going on, you will ask FC to swap it for a different gift altogether.

Just tell her. She is 5. Xmas is supposed to be fun.

@Robinkitty

Honestly I’d tell her. My kids need to feel some control over their gifts they don’t cope well with surprises. I’m the same, the not knowing gives me anxiety, it’s not a pleasant feeling.

This is so weird. So you don’t wrap anything, and just give them a pre Christmas alphabetical list of what they are getting?

I’m a softie usually, but I’d be telling her that if she carries on being unpleasant about it, she won’t be getting it at all. And stick to it. Save it for a birthday or something.

So i tell my kids that we send presents/money to Santa and he decides if they have behaved well enough to get them. So I would be telling her it's been sent away.

What do you normally do when she's demanding something you don't want to give her?

This isn't torture, it's just bad behaviour

Why are you letting her get away with such bad behaviour?

She’s 5 for gods sake!

If you can’t manage your daughters at this age, goodness knows how you’ll cope when they’re older.

Start acting like a parent, not a pathetic wimp!

Both your children need some help and boundaries. Do what you would normally do when they behave badly.

DD2 - on no account tell her. This is reinforcing that if you scream and tantrum, you will get your way. Help her learn to manage disappointment instead.

DD1 - totally out of order that she disregarded your telling her to not tell DD2. How would you normally respond when she is disobedient?

This is why Santa brings the presents.

This thread is nasty she is an overwhelmed four year old struggling with her emotions. Just tell her, not everyone appreciates surprises.

You need to tell her if she asks one more time she won’t get anything. This is awful behaviour and she needs to realise it is not acceptable and there will be consequences. I would also be punishing your older child for spoiling the surprise.

Hide it well, and distract her every single time she tantrums

At her age she's on the cusp of understanding delayed gratification (but likely not quite there) so I can completely understand why this is hard for her. Plus, it can still be hard even when we do get having to wait for things that we want as adults! Our 4 year old clocked that presents might be in the house and is asking every now and then where they are.
I agree that both kids would benefit from some boundaries on this (older child being reminded that it's not kind to tell her sister what she's getting). Personally I wouldn't tell dd2 what she's getting, as others have said this will just reinforce to her that if she shows you an undesirable behaviour that she gets what she wants. I'd be going with a calm line of "not long now until Christmas, we'll have to see what you get together" or something like that.
My only advice on 'threatening' consequences if she doesn't stop the tantrums about it is never threaten anything that you won't be prepared to follow through on. I.e don't say she won't get it at all or any presents unless you're fully ok to go for that.

DD1 is almost 7. She’s not a “naughty” child, I think the knowing got the better of her. I’m annoyed with myself for not making sure she was asleep.

Lots of mixed advice for DD2! She’s not quite 5 (birthday in January) and finds her emotions hard to handle almost all the time. Starting school has sent her on a bit of a spin, too. I think I will tell her what it is, I wonder if that’s something her sort of personality needs. She’s fine with surprises when she knows nothing at all! I think it’s the small amount of information that’s making her crazy. And that her sister knows.

Personally I wouldn't tell dd2 what she's getting, as others have said this will just reinforce to her that if she shows you an undesirable behaviour that she gets what she wants.
Oh crap now I’m doubting my decision to tell her! Okay perhaps I’ll go back to distract mode!

if you don’t tell me I’ll hate you”

Well I wouldn’t be putting up with that, for a start. I have a 4 and a half year old, who would be told that speaking to me so rudely would mean no present at all. Awful behaviour.

Just tell her what it is FGS!! What is the benefit in keeping it secret??

Explain to her that if you tell her then it won’t be a surprise when she opens it on Christmas Day. If she still wants to know then tell her.

My DC know what most of their presents are as they prefer to choose them. Doesn’t make it any less fun at Christmas.

Maybe wait until you get a small window of her NOT asking about it, or catch her holding herself back even if just a little, and "reward" that. Yes, maybe her sister knowing is the most maddening bit.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas.