My life is not your life

[Builtthiscityonsausagerolls]

I'm single and child free. Both by choice.
Part of that choice is a lifestyle that is maybe quite self indulgent. But a few things have peed me off this week:

1. Friend is at mine having a drink. Asks me to go with her to a (family) event. I say: 'not sure I can afford it'. She gestures to a perfume I've just bought and says 'I'd believe you if I hadn't seen this haha'
2. sibling is going through a rough patch. I say 'come round for lunch and we'll talk it through' sibling says they will turn up at 8 on Sunday morning after picking kids up from sleep over. I say I won't be up at 8 - sibling 'will wake you up then lazy haha' - I'm out Saturday and don't expect to get in till 2ish
3. A small comment but rankles. Collegue on Monday 'I can't belive you have a cleaner. In the time it takes me to get the kids ready you could clean up after yourself

I know all 3 examples are a bit me being winey, but I chose this life because I don't like domestic chores and don't want children! Yet it seems to mean that my choosing life style is second to everyone else's.

Want to sleep in - ill wake you. Buy perfume instead of coming to my kids Christmas thing- your prioritis are wrong. Spend money on a cleaner - you are single you have nothing better to do!

I'm a bit but it's seemingly incessant at the moment.

It’s perfectly possible to have kids and a lie in anyway! You just need a “getting up with the kids” weekend rota with your DP. I have a lie in most Saturdays, DH gets Sundays. You can also train your child to sleep in, DS rarely stirs before 8am.

Your DSis would get extra short shrift if she turned up here at 8am - even if we were up, we wouldn’t be dressed, breakfasted or interested in hosting anybody.

My only tiny thought is about your sister. Of course YANBU overall, but in this case there's a huge disparity of time and availability between two people. It's hard not to seem precious, because in truth you have loads more rest time than her. Getting in at 2 then up for 8 is perfectly do-able (I will need to do that tonight for example to have a night out & wake with my kids tomorrow). So yes, she's asking a lot to arrive at 8, but you said you'd help her, and that's the time she has. Maybe lunch doesn't really work as the kids need to do something after, or something. Of course it's your choice to prioritise being well rested, but I'm just suggesting why people might judge that. From the outside it perhaps looks like you could nap any time you want, so what's the big deal?

Head tilt, smile, raise eyebrows and say ‘you sound jealous of the wonderful life that I have chosen!’

I used to get this and I was a single parent. From the outside I looked like I was quite affluent but it was a constant juggling act.

I don't know why people judge. It's your life so you choose how you spend your money and time.

They are just jealous of your lifestyle. They made their choices, you made yours. No one goes to visit at 8am for a chat and I would not spend money to spend 3 hours with someones kids unless I was actually connected to them in someway (e.g. aunt or god parent). But this is society for you - judgemental every step of the way if you have not bred a few kiddies.

They are all jealous haha
Live your life in a way that makes you happy and good luck to you !

I have kids and wouldn't change that for the world. What anyone else chooses to do is their business and not for anyone else to judge.

What annoys me SO much is people with children who expect other people to just immediately fit in with what they want / need, like having kids automatically trumps anyone else's lifestyle.

If I want to meet up with someone who doesn't have kids - we compromise as to something that works for everyone. I don't expect them to child proof their house or want to do kid centric activities because IM bringing kids. It's my problem to keep my kids safe in someone else's house, and I (hopefully!?) Have brought up my kids to enjoy all sorts of different activities even if it's not something they immediately would choose to do.

So . Long story short - they're being selfish and ridiculous. You've made the choices that feel best for you and you have every right to enjoy that life style without being made to feel judged by someone who has chosen differently.

Bloody hell I dont want to spend time with other peoples kids either. Mine are okay on the whole.

I think people perhaps are a little envious- because most of us recall the days pre children when we could enjoy ourselves a little more and be answerable only to ourselves. I am of the opinion you live your life and if anyone comments about anything say 'Isn't it ncie how everyone has different lives' or whatever other inanity you are happy to say. You are feeling judged and that is rightfully pissing you off. Shrug off whatever expectations you think others have of you. besides we ALL have chapters of our lives. This is your chapter now. Enjoy to the max.

(Cleaners are fucking brilliant by the way. I love mine. And my ironing lady and I am currently a SAHM!)

Completely agree, Cheeky fuckers, jealous too.

Curious that you’d spend time on a parenting website though.

They are all JEALOUS of your lifestyle. That's it. And rather than say oh you lucky thing getting to do and decide what you want, they lash out. Sad but true. Enjoy your lovely life! Ignore them.

I am in a similar situation, and content and happy to boot. When people ask me how I am I can almost always respond with genuine positivity because the choices I made make me really happy. I know my friends also chose well for themselves, but they aren't as happy and contented and it creates a little frisson, a little edginess. It's as if I'm meant to want what they have.

Competitive "From the outside it perhaps looks like you could nap any time you want, so what's the big deal?"

I'm not working at the moment so on days I don't have DC, it looks like that too.

Hence, I actually don't tell anyone on days I don't have them. People have this attitude that if you are doing less than they are, you must somehow be punished.

Who the fuck socialises at 8am? Gym buddies etc might go at that time.

Also, from the days of getting home at 2am, you're lucky if you're asleep by 4.

I suspect you're younger than me OP but I remember this stage of life and the comments are grim. I'd be clear how grim they are.

I think there might be a tinge of jealousy.
I too am child free and I have a demanding job and work long hours during the week.

Sometimes I'll spend a whole Saturday or Sunday in my pyjamas if I feel like it! My weekends are for resting not more running around. But my friends with kids are sometimes a bit 🤨 about it.

Don't read too much into it OP. You have the life you want. For some reason it is so frowned upon to look after your own needs now, as in spending time and money on yourself. I have family who insist that people are " selfish" if they don't have kids ( not even sure how that works, have given up reasoning with them). Enjoy your lie in!

YANBU. Those are all shitty comments!

Sounds like jealousy but it’s crazy you have 3 people like that in your circle.

I have children and no way would I say those things to you. I’d struggle to be out of bed by 8am let alone picking kids up and visiting others!

It’s your life, live it how you want to and ignore these people.

Completely agree with you OP. My main gripe is that people feel like they have the right to fuck about with your time like you have nothing better to do. You agree a time and then tbeybsre late or have to move it a few hours. And if you say no you can't then immediate response is well why not what have u got going on...like I have a life and hobbies thanks! I'm not cancelling those for you at the last minute.

We always have to fit to their life!

Tell the lot of them to * off with a good decent 1-finger sign! It's YOUR life, not theirs and they have absolutely no right at all to tell you how to run it!

@Malteser71

Completely agree, Cheeky fuckers, jealous too.

Curious that you’d spend time on a parenting website though.

Many other topics on here apart from parenting.

@Malteser71

Completely agree, Cheeky fuckers, jealous too.

Curious that you’d spend time on a parenting website though.

The thread title seems apt.

YANBU. And you know that these three people would also probably still be judgmental if you'd had children, right?

@FortunesFave

Just say "Ha ha I'm free and single and can do what I liiiikkkee!" in a sing song piss taking voice.

This. Or your more measured user name would work as a response too. You have some green eyed monsters in your life op, don’t rise to the bait.

I think many of them are a bit jealous! They want their family ,but are probably missing the single lifestyle. Just stand firm .Its your money to buy perfume as you like ,similarly having a lie in too. Enjoy yourself!

I get similar comments so often. I often stay in bed until 11 at the weekend (like today) and get comments from people with kids saying ohhh I've been up for HOURS at that time. But me and DP love staying up really late (early hours) watching films and chatting at the weekend, so we still only get the same amount of sleep as they do. I don't see that it matters when we choose to sleep. It's so weird.

I too don’t have children by choice. If someone with kids said that I’d tell them if I wanted to get up early I’d have had my own kids.

Wouldn’t be interested in anyone whining that they can’t do things because they’ve got kids. As thought it’s my fault .

They chose to have them they can get on with it.