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What makes a wedding fun or terrible

109 replies

nellly · 14/12/2021 19:28

I've read a few times on here about people hating weddings and finding them a chore.

I'm getting married next summer and would actually like people to enjoy themselves while they're there.

Here's what we've thought so far to make it a laugh but please tell me what it is the makes it a great day or a terrible day in case we've missed something!

  • no one is seated alone for food, single friends are invited to bring a plus one
  • 4 different options for meal so everyone has something they like
  • drinks tokens for free drinks so everyone has at least a few on us (without the option to take the piss which we saw at SIL wedding wirh open bar (unlimited free soft drinks)
  • massive cake with 4 different flavour tiers
  • it's in a venue near where we all live so no obligation to stay over except for my parents who are happy to spend the night in the hotel. Everyone else can share cheap taxis back within our city
OP posts:
peboh · 15/12/2021 08:58

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

No long wait for food, especially if people have come a long way.

No very long, rambling, tedious speeches! Ideally they should be limited to 5 minutes IMO. As my DF once put it, Stand up, speak up, shut up.

If there’s music/dancing later, and it’s in the same area as where people are still sitting, FGS keep the volume down a bit, so people who aren’t dancing can hear themselves think/hold a conversation.

I’ve been to more than one where the music was utterly deafening. A SiL and I once had to go outside in the drizzle, in order to be able to speak to each other at all.

I think wedding djs just love the volume. We had to tell ours several times to turn it down, as it was honestly deafening... you'd have thought we asked if we could shit on his dog with the way he acted.
Swisscheeseleaves · 15/12/2021 09:03

I agree with the photographer being told to take photos of everyone. My male photographer took a shine to my very pretty 21 year old cousin and I've got a million photos of her but only one of my stepchild and hardly any of my grandparents. I don't even like my cousin that much!

MrsMadderRose · 15/12/2021 09:03

Fun:
Kids allowed (one I went to had a creche as well, lovely)
Informal and relaxed
Food, tea and coffee available - I went to one where after the ceremony there was an amazing afternoon tea with posh patisserie, while they did the photos. Brilliant.
Great band/disco with space to dance and table around so you can opt out/sit down.
Buffet or canape meal so you don't have that thing where loads of people are sitting around waiting for food to come out. (Or have a meal at the table but quick and efficient if poss)
Bride does a speech (but see below)
Nice setting, it's lovely if you can escape for a little wander on a beach or to a quiet corner of garden etc
Nice toilets with nice soap, basket of tampons etc
Chill-out zone with comfy seats, provision for breastfeeding, etc

Terrible:
Long speeches
Too many speeches
Embarrassing/banter-filled/cheesy speeches
Table seating where you're put with a load of people you don't know and your friends are miles away. Occasionally goes well, usually depressing.
Too much ceremonial faffing, like handshaking lines, endless cake-cutting posing, etc
Long periods where you're not sure what to do / where to go
Fire and brimstone vicar (in church fine, religious stuff relating to the couple fine if they like that, but I hate it when the vicar uses it as an excuse to foist loads of religion on non-believers)
Children banned so you bust a gut trying to find a way to go without them/arrange childcare in remote hotel. Then you go and various kids are there who they bent the rules for. Angry (and btw it's not because my kids are hard work! Often the ones who are there are a nightmare though. Yes I am bitter)

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Swisscheeseleaves · 15/12/2021 09:07

We had a photo booth pre covid and everyone loved it. We hired it for the evening part and after a few drinks, we had people who had never met each other before crammed in there. The photos were amazing, we got a copy of them all on a cd and in a book. Not sure if people would be so keen post covid.

Double3xposure · 15/12/2021 10:01

@nellly

Will warn speech makers to keep it short!

Have put a lot of thought into tables to make sure people are with existing friends or at the very least are well suited.

No cringy singles table I used to hate that

Speeches can be a real issue. Think carefully about who you ask.

You might want to check on content, especially if they are inexperienced public speakers. Best men are notorious for long rambling unfunny speeches with content that is more suitable for a stag do or full of in jokes and anecdotes.

I’d also give a time limit - your idea of “short’ may not be the same as theirs. And have someone who will keep them to take if they run over by more than a few minutes . I’ve seen yellow and red cards used to do this in an amusing way.

I was at one ( very posh and no doubt expensive ) wedding that was completely ruined by 2 things

  1. A long gap between service and meal, with more than two hours of waiting around for photos, without food, drink or seating. Guests were told not to go away as they might be required for photos and there was no where to buy drinks ( venue was not a hotel ).

I was about 3 months pregnant and just about passing out with hunger. One friend went off in his car to find me food and came back from the petrol station with bags of crips and cans of soda which we all scoffed round them back of the building .

The long delay with the photos meant that the sit down meal started considerably later than planned.

  1. Too many long and bad speeches. Brides parents were divorced so she decided to have then both. Her Fathers speech had lots of unpleasant digs at his ex and his son in law.

Bride also did a speech ( yay for equality ) but she was very emotional and cried . It should have been sweet but it was just embarrassing and cringey. Half the time we couldn’t hear what she was saying so we had to watch the people at the front to work out how to react. So awkward.

Best Mans speech was very VERY long - maybe 45 mins, illustrated with endless photos of the groom throughout the years he had known him. And many anecdotes that were not suitable for the occasion. NO ONE wants to hear about the grooms exes, really they don’t. No wonder the bride was tearful.

Everyone was hoping that someone , anyone might stop him. But no one did.

Speeches went on so long that the evening guests arrived and they were ushered into the back of the room , where they stood about awkwardly ( no chairs of course ) for an hour.

If the speeches were bad when you were sitting down and at least had a drink , they were a lot worse when you were standing up.

Then the band arrived to set up and but speeches were still going on . There wasn’t another room for them to unload their equipment so they all went back to their van.

After another terrible speech from goodness knows who, we were all finally released . We had to go and stand in the corridor so the waiting staff could clear and move the tables - they were all in a bad mood of course because they should have gone home an hour ago. There was a lot of shouting and banging and general stress.

Massive queues for the tiny number of ladies loos of course. Young women in massively high heels who had been standing around for 1.5 hours. Now they were in a draughty corridor in their tiny dresses with angry waiters squeezing past carrying furniture.

Finally the room was clear, the the band came in, set up and promptly left for their break without playing anything.

So the evening guests had spent an hour standing at the back of the room, then 20 mins standing in the corridor and queueing for the loo, then another 30 mins sitting at tables waiting did the band to start. Some were so fed up they went home.

When the band returned they only played a few numbers before they were stopped so the evening buffet could be set up.

We left at that point as I was pg and exhausted . Worst wedding I’ve been to ( and I’ve been to a lot ).

So yeah the whole day was ruined because of terrible planning and no one keeping things to time. It obviously never occurred to whoever planned the day ( B and G ) that if one things runs late, other things will still happen at the appointed time. And that delays are cumulative .

Tricked2003 · 15/12/2021 10:21

I couldn't care less if there are favours on the table or a sweet trolly! The flowers and decorations can dominate the table, keep it simple......nobody wants to be trying to dodge huge table centrepieces to talk to each other.
Pet hates are being kept hanging around for hours with no food.
Having to travel and stay in a designated expensive hotel.

It sounds as though your wedding will be great because you are being considerate of your guests' needs. I am going to a wedding next year that is the total opposite...........no consideration for their guests!

AuntieStella · 15/12/2021 10:38

It's pretty standard at weddings if the ceremony is at 1/ 1:30pm!

It might be 'standard' but that does not make it a good idea. People are much accustomed to starting lunch between about 12:30-13:30, and will have their hunger cues conditioned to that. A ceremony with a start time of 13:00- 13:30 leave people wondering whether eat beforehand (and if travelling, there might not be convenient places anyhow).

Then they'll either gorge on canapés, and then not be really hungry at 15:00) or just stay feeling slightly hungry and time will drag.

If you have a slightly earlier ceremony, then you can lunch starting at 13:30 or 14:00 at a push. Or go later (so people have plenty of time to lunch beforehand) and have dinner any time after about 17:30

But of course if your families and friends are accustomed to eating a main meal in the middle of the afternoon (and habits vary) none of that applies

FoxgloveSummers · 15/12/2021 11:21

Totally agree @AuntieStella - are you in fact my auntie Stella btw? Grin

Learnt my lesson after uni friend got married at 1 and we all nearly died of starvation (having had breakfast then nothing but snacks til dinner at 5/6).

I think OP can do what she wants though as long as she warns people although I cannot see the logic of giving people snacks when they want lunch and lunch when they want snacks - that way they can have a v early lunch or a big brunch type breakfast before.

Really OP I'd say try not to worry too much although I know how hard that is. A lovely comfy venue, good cheer and plenty of food and drink really is key. And as long as people can see you're in love and aren't having to chew the furniture they'll be ok. I've been to ever so many weddings that aren't what I'd have done but loved nearly all of them.

nellly · 15/12/2021 15:04

This is very helpful thanks all! The ceremony is 12, no option to move that because it's the only slot the registrar has!

I will however speak to the venue and see if we can move straight from ceremony to the main meal. The ceremony room and reception area are two seperate rooms in the venue so no change around for set up etc, that would make lunch about 1pm. We could then have soeeches etc and a short gap in the afternoon for photos while guests are provided snacks, drinks and hopefully some sort of entertainment, at the very least for the kids.

The canapés and drinks are in a third area, a private bar/lounge with lots of seating while the Main reception area is turned around for evening.

There are only 3 plus ones being invited as the 3 people in question are much loved long term friends who don't know a single other person there. I'm more than happy to give the space and pay for another person so they each feel welcomed and have a good time! I won't be cutting the plus ones

Lots of good suggestions here and hopefully it will be a more fun day thanks to the advice of Mumsnet 😁

And to the wise person who pointed out the money could be better spent you are of course right, we do have a house approx 50% equity, two pensions and savings so more than happy to spend a few ££ on hopefully a great day celebrating with our family and friends

OP posts:
Blossom64265 · 15/12/2021 15:26

Enough seating, good food, and don’t draw out the essentials so the guests who will struggle with a late evening can be there for all the key activities and then make their goodbyes leaving you to dance the night away with the crowd who will enjoy that part of the festivities.

Justcannotbearsed · 15/12/2021 15:32

Cheesy disco and the option of a cup of tea or coffee as the night goes on. Quiet space for us older folk if possible.

Love a good dance though.

garlictwist · 15/12/2021 16:39

I know you've said you can't move it, but in my opinion the absolute earliest a ceremony should be if you want people to stay late is 3pm. Otherwise it's such a long day. Any earlier and I've had enough by 7 and am really wanting to leave.

Best wedding I've been to had loads and loads of really delicious canapes that kept being handed out by staff. The worst was one where we didn't know what time the meal was and when it arrived it was tiny, cold and shit. So get your food right!

CrimbleCrumble1 · 15/12/2021 16:43

garlictwist
my wedding went on from midday to 5am!

Glassofshloer · 15/12/2021 16:47

Seat people with people they know, don’t mix because you think it will be charming to see your mate talking to your great aunty Dorothy or whatever. But it sounds fab OP, I’m sure they’ll all have a great day with a thoughtful host.

Justcannotbearsed · 15/12/2021 16:47

I wouldn't change the lunch from 3. People are happy if they have canapes and things and a chance to catch up. Otherwise it'll be a really long time till the disco in the evening!

LethargicActress · 15/12/2021 16:51

There are only 3 plus ones being invited as the 3 people in question are much loved long term friends who don't know a single other person there. I'm more than happy to give the space and pay for another person so they each feel welcomed and have a good time! I won't be cutting the plus ones

I’m happy to read you’re sticking with plus ones! I did the same at my wedding, it only meant three randoms who we didn’t know or barely knew even though we did offer a few more than that.

It was definitely the right decision, they were all brilliant guests because were happy to be there to spend the day with the lovely guests we knew and loved. We hosted well so they were on to a winner. The singles that they came with were especially grateful, more than I would have expected, and it added to the wonderful feelings of the day to be able to make sure all our guests were happy.

burnoutbabe · 15/12/2021 16:53

make it clear that people can leave after the day bit if they want - its never really presented as an option, but i really hate evening dos - a noisy disco, standing around unable to speak, no seats.

I try to make it to 9pm and then make an excuse about a headache to leave.

Be much better if you can duck out at 6ish having enjoyed the day.

WeAreTheHeroes · 15/12/2021 16:55

Fun = no need to travel miles between service and reception, lots of accommodation choices nearby at reasonable prices, food at a reasonable meal time - I'd much rather events kicked off mid afternoon with a meal around 5 or 6 than bloody canapes before lunch at 3 and I get migraines if I don't eat decent meals at regular times, the bride and groom mingling with their guests instead of sodding off for photos for hours after the service. Entertainment to suit everyone and not too loud. I sound like a grump, but I would like to be able to chat with other guests and not be deafened by a too loud disco.

Anoooshka · 15/12/2021 16:56

I'm not a big fan of overly formal weddings. For me it's about a relaxed environment where everyone can be themselves. Who remembers the floral arrangements or the food (unless it's truly awful)?

Two of the best weddings I've been to were my uncle's registry office wedding then back to his flat for the party. They had a lovely garden so all the kids just ran around and the adults had a drink or two. There were some sandwiches, cake, and cups of tea. Then there was a big hotel wedding when most of the guests were staying in the hotel. It was much easier having the ceremony and the reception in the same place, and when there were lulls in the days you could go back to your room for a bit of a lie down.

My wedding was just a registry office with two witnesses, the wedding night in a really posh hotel, then travel to meet the in-laws and close friends for a meal, then to New York for a few days. But I was pregnant at the time, so I had no wish to stand around for hours at a time, and my MIL would have taken over the whole thing, so it was best to keep her at arms length.

DillonPanthersTexas · 15/12/2021 16:57

For me:

Keep it simple, most people don't give a shit about gifts of personalised jam , chocolate fountains, over elaborate table settings etc

Definitely agree to booking a good band, do your research here.

Don't be grabby with shit poems asking for money or some wedding list from Harvey Nick's.

Invite people for the whole event, none of this evening only nonsense.

Ideally pick venues that require minimal or no travel between the church, reception and accommodation.

Don't have a dickhead from a best man.

Horriblewoman · 15/12/2021 17:00

We've been told by a lot of our guests that our wedding this year was one of the best they've ever been too which was nice to hear!

We massively prioritised the fun things and didn't want to make it feel like a stuffy classic wedding.

Things we did

  • were really clear on plans with guests before so they knew timings
  • provided a list of all nearby hotels and airbnbs for those travelling in with rough costs
  • put on free transport back to the nearest main town
  • had personalised cocktails
  • had a jazz trio during drinks reception
  • kept the canapes coming until everyone had had enough
  • sat people together
  • actively encouraged plus ones even if we didn't know them
  • had incredible waiting staff who even before a glass was empty were ready to top it up
  • chose a really really good band
  • had a photo booth (genuinely one of my favourite things is looking back on the photos)
  • had a photographer we trusted completely
  • had a sparkler tunnel in the evening as well as confetti in the day
  • free alcohol all day and night
Horriblewoman · 15/12/2021 17:00

Oh and rather than favours we had party bags to take away with water / g&t or ginger beer / crisps and chocolate

AprilMayAnne · 15/12/2021 17:17

Honestly I think all people really want is:

  • to know when things are happening (print the time line somewhere and have someone loudly telling guest what to do /where to go next. Might be the venue wedding coordinator, a master of ceremonies or some mate you put in charge, doesn't matter)
  • not to get hungry
  • no very long waits (photos, speeches, wedding)
  • a fun dancefloor Glitterball
  • for the young and old, appropriate alternative entertainment (child-friendly distractions, quiet spaces, tea and coffee)
  • not to spend a fortune to attend

Other than that, people are just grateful to share your big moment, see their loved ones and have a party.

It sounds like you've got it covered - and some! Have a fabulous day.

P.S. Remember everyone's take on weddings is different and you can't please some. Don't take any grumpy guests personally. In the end, it's your day.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 15/12/2021 17:20

My pet hate is weddings in the arse end of nowhere with no public transport and nowhere to stay.

One of my friends had a barn wedding in very rural Sussex and it was logistically exhausting. No accommodation near the venue, loads of Londoners coming and THREE trains to get there. Two taxis in the village that had to be booked in advance. It was a beautiful wedding but such a PITA.

I also hate country house weddings for similar reasons. Also I think it's weird people are playing at lord and lady of the manor when usually they live in a new build semi in Slough.

Best wedding ever was in London. Loads of accommodation, easy to get around, hired a London bus with champagne between the ceremony and the venue. All went to brunch in Soho the next day.

Runner up is The wedding at Bristol Zoo. A cool venue really makes it special.

AprilMayAnne · 15/12/2021 17:25

To add, I wouldn't bother moving the lunch forward. A 3pm meal after a 12 noon ceremony is standard and you'll want a little time after the ceremony to take a breather with your new hubs and mingle with people you haven't seen yet before you sit down.

The key is just making sure people know when things will be happening. If people know the lunch will be at 3pm, they can decide what and when they need to eat in the morning like adults!

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