What makes a wedding fun or terrible

[nellly]

I've read a few times on here about people hating weddings and finding them a chore.

I'm getting married next summer and would actually like people to enjoy themselves while they're there.

Here's what we've thought so far to make it a laugh but please tell me what it is the makes it a great day or a terrible day in case we've missed something!

• no one is seated alone for food, single friends are invited to bring a plus one

• 4 different options for meal so everyone has something they like

• drinks tokens for free drinks so everyone has at least a few on us (without the option to take the piss which we saw at SIL wedding wirh open bar (unlimited free soft drinks)

• massive cake with 4 different flavour tiers

• it's in a venue near where we all live so no obligation to stay over except for my parents who are happy to spend the night in the hotel. Everyone else can share cheap taxis back within our city

Last wedding I went to the speeches were spaced out between the wedding breakfast courses. They were all excellent too and funny but obviously that’s hard to guarantee.

@Legoisthebest

I personally can't stand a lot of the 'traditional' things people expect weddings. I think wedding dresses look ridiculous. I hate formal sit down meals. I hate things like discos/DJs. I hate having to dress up. I am not interested in alcohol. The stuff like the speeches is just boring. And I think the costs involved are just crazy. nellly if you were my friend/relative I would rather you don't spend money on all that nonsense. There are more important things that money should be spent on - a mortgage for a start. Money for the future. Unless of course you are incredibly rich then this doesn't really apply If I had to go to a wedding - like really had to - I would like a BBQ and buffet style food, decent variety of non alcoholic drinks, no dressing up and stuff to 'do' like board games, giant Jenga/Connect 4 type stuff, crazy golf, croquet and a giant pile of Lego to build with. But none of that will ever happen at a wedding will it.....sigh

You are my kind of person.

Over the years I’ve found that big weddings are not as much fun as the smaller ones. Big weddings tend to feel much more impersonal and possibly put the bride and groom under more pressure - so they don’t relax and enjoy the day either. The many groups of people often don’t blend well as they often have nothing in common. Small weddings where most people know each other and the guests are invited because the b&g actually like them are the best fun.

Less of an issue these days, but one wedding I went to there were major issues because the bar was cash only and we were in the middle of nowhere with no cashpoint nearby! Worth letting your guests know if this is the case, though many more places take cards nowadays.

I don't like hanging around without knowing what to do. It's good to have someone (groomsmen?) there to direct people, especially at the beginning. At a house party the host would normally do those jobs (here is where you leave your coat, here is where you can get a drink etc) but you can't be the host as you are busy getting married.

My advice would be don’t overthink it because on the day (and when you look back on it) you won’t care about the little things. Enough food and drinks and good music are my basics. After that it’s what you make of it. I hope you get to enjoy it all.

Agree with all that's been said. Worst things are being too hot / cold, long gaps with no/too little to eat or drink. Too little to eat in general, and often too late. Awkward singles/old work mates table at the back. Long speeches. Too many formalities.

If kids are coming, I would suggest they have things to do (can a games console be set up in a corner? Colouring stuff for the little ones around a table?) Also, young kids are unlikely to find it easy to wait until 3pm for lunch and 7pm to eat dinner (which is bedtime for preschool age). I would suggest asking the caterers to provide something for the kids. Eg when guests are having canapes on arrival, can kids be ushered to a table to show them colouring stuff and have some basics - a platter of fruit and some nugs and chips or something? Ditto, 5/6pm... can some food come out for the kids? Perhaps also stock some snacks/juice boxes for the kids. Happy kids = happy parents. It doesn't need to be a huge effort. Literally pads of paper, a couple of jars of new colouring pencils and felt tips to share. And a basket with some little bags of non sticky/staining foods (raising boxes, pom bears etc) could go a long way.

The two best weddings I've been to by a long way were pretty casual - more parties. Short but heartlfelt formalities, everyone well fed, a couple of drinks on arrival then a reasonably priced cash bar, good band/music and in general, a focus on having fun. They were also probably the two lowest budget weddings I've been to.

As a PP has said, nobody remembers your 'theme', table decorations etc. That stuff isn't important.

I don’t like having to spend 12-14hrs or longer on it, no need for a ceremony to be at say, 11am, that means I’ll have to get up early and won’t get home till after midnight.
Religious ceremonies that make the guests sit through a full scale mass. Yuck.
Barely any food, and then a large meal with terrible vegetarian ‘option’ (option implies choice)
Evening is hours of either -dancing (nah.) -sit and drink a £7 drink, in a hotel function room. This bored me on my own wedding!

I almost always enjoy weddings.
I never think of them as being a chore, and I usually feel privileged to be invited and have never felt I am doing the happy couple some sort of honour by gracing them with my presence.
I'm surprised I've not been drummed off MN for it.

I do agree with the poster who said it should be about love between a couple and enjoyment of the day rather than some sort of performance.

It sounds like you have a very healthy budget, and that you are being very generous and considerate of your guests.

I think the two things that I have come across that I dislike at weddings are lots of waiting around, and not enough to eat.

I have been to all sorts of different weddings, invited by people with vastly differing budgets, and there is no correlation between enjoyment of the day, and money spent on the day.

I wouldn't fret about trying to please everyone - I think you are really over complicating things by offering 4 different options of meal, and also with he tokens for the bar. It is nice to offer an aperitif, something with the meal and a toast, but after that, I would always expect to buy my own drinks.

An early ceremony means a horribly early start for travellers and a really early start for your bridal party too. Then acres of empty time which - unless you’re in a huge castle/it’s a beautiful hot day and you’re sunbathing or have loads of activities - as a guest you just think WHY. I was so bored at a recent wedding I actually left and went for a walk round the city - twice. Nothing to do between 2 and about 6. Feels like it’s being dragged out for no reason. Most people want ceremony: max two hours hanging about with some music etc: food: speeches: cake: band.

It sounds like you’re doing a morning wedding so why not just give people lunch at lunchtime?

Sounds like you are doing a great job so far, the fact you are asking how to make the wedding fun and enjoyable for the guests is a great start!

You have covered this but my biggest bugbear is being seated with total strangers who we have nothing in common with when we are surrounded by family who we don’t get to see enough of. Small talk is done in the first 5 minutes and then it’s awkward silences and feeling uncomfortable for a long spell of time.

We got married at 2pm so it wasn't a massively long day. We had a band playing after reception for guests while we were off having photos. We had a hog roast so all food was lovely and fresh and there was lots of choice. We paid for casino with fake money to entertain after food but before night do. If there's lots of kids bouncy castle goes down well.

@Legoisthebest

I personally can't stand a lot of the 'traditional' things people expect weddings. I think wedding dresses look ridiculous. I hate formal sit down meals. I hate things like discos/DJs. I hate having to dress up. I am not interested in alcohol. The stuff like the speeches is just boring. And I think the costs involved are just crazy. nellly if you were my friend/relative I would rather you don't spend money on all that nonsense. There are more important things that money should be spent on - a mortgage for a start. Money for the future. Unless of course you are incredibly rich then this doesn't really apply If I had to go to a wedding - like really had to - I would like a BBQ and buffet style food, decent variety of non alcoholic drinks, no dressing up and stuff to 'do' like board games, giant Jenga/Connect 4 type stuff, crazy golf, croquet and a giant pile of Lego to build with. But none of that will ever happen at a wedding will it.....sigh

You should have come to mine we had bbq, giant Jenna, connect four and a casino!! Also started 2pm so not a long day.

Honestly, the things that have made “bad” wedding bad for me have mostly been the bride’s family (presumably it’s easier to sideline the groom’s family if they are awful).

Horrific father of the bride speeches (one where FOTB basically listed out the bride’s perceived faults until he was made to sit down). Actual physical fights between members of the bride’s family on the dance floor, halting the dancing. Loud arguments about seating arrangements. Obvious blanking of the groom’s family by the bride’s family. Etc etc.

There have been weddings which have been a bit short on food, or where I wasn’t a fan of the theme, but it wasn’t my wedding so I accepted they’d just prioritised different things to me, and was happy just to be there and share my friends’ special day.

I don't think you need to give all single people a plus one, have so many flavours of cake or food options to throw a good party. I'd agree with sitting single people withe established friends and give a plus one if they don't know anyone. A couple of food options is plenty. I'd just pick a cake you like because I don't think this hugely matters to others.

I think offering welcome drink is good, and the tokens idea is solid. Being flexible about bringing dc is fantastic. The most important thing is that there is easy to access affordable accommodation (more people will stay) and a good atmosphere, enough seats and a clear plan for what will happen so guests aren't wondering.

Give your guests the timing. Canapes at 1pm and proper food at 3pm sounds like a nightmare for me, especially if you also invite children. I wouldn't fancy carrying a packed lunch for them with me.

If I don't know it and have my normal breakfast I am starved by then.

Arrange for coffee/tea for free if you do free soft drinks.

Some decent children activities are welcome.

If you pay for processo for the toast have a decent alternative for non-drinkers. Shloer taste awful in my opinion and is hardly something special. There are good non-alcoholic ones out there. Consider getting some non-alcoholic beer as well, DH often grumbles that it's just fizzy drink or water if he is the designated driver.

The bit I hate most is when there is a long gap between 'afternoon' and 'evening' where there is nothing to do, especially if I don't know (m)any other guests. Our wedding finished at 6pm and was all the better for it imo.

Don't spend ages on photos of just the two of you, yes obviously some but I went to a wedding where they disappeared off for 3 hours. (Alternatively tell people this is the case so they can go home for a bit!)

No long wait for food, especially if people have come a long way.

No very long, rambling, tedious speeches! Ideally they should be limited to 5 minutes IMO. As my DF once put it, Stand up, speak up, shut up.

If there’s music/dancing later, and it’s in the same area as where people are still sitting, FGS keep the volume down a bit, so people who aren’t dancing can hear themselves think/hold a conversation.

I’ve been to more than one where the music was utterly deafening. A SiL and I once had to go outside in the drizzle, in order to be able to speak to each other at all.

There are a lot of people of Mumsnet who either out and out hate weddings and will never be happy, or who insist that the only enjoyable wedding costs under £100 all-in, and consists of the bride wearing her normal clothes, flowers nicked from somebody’s front garden, and everyone just going to the local pub afterwards, and anything more than that is shameful frivolity.

I would say 99% of people in the world do not feel like that about their friends’ weddings. So don’t pay any attention to those sorts of posts.

Plenty of places to sit down, loads of food (nothing worse than being hungry and expected to enjoy yourself) and really good music. We had tea and coffee served after the ceremony and the older guests in particular enjoyed that. Don't spend ages doing photos, you'll never really look at all those arty farty shots of you staring lovingly into each others eyes in a million slightly different poses. Get a few good ones, then get back inside and see your guests. Have someone organised who keeps everything chivvied along - we had the venue manager and she kept everything moving for us so that there were no lulls where everyone was bored thinking "what's next?"

True .
I've been to great small weddings, an occasional lavish affair.
All lovely in their own way.

I agree about not letting photos dictate too much.
Tea and coffee, yes I'm that age group!

@AuntieStella

I wouldn't usually eat a main meal at 3pm.

Is that your/your families' norm though?

It's pretty standard at weddings if the ceremony is at 1/ 1:30pm!

I think the best weddings are the most informal.
Long speeches in the middle of dinner is a big no from me.
It also drives me mad when they serve everyone having the chicken dish, then everyone having the veggie dish, and everyone at the table is waiting the for one person who ordered fish to get their dinner so they can start eating. I hate food going cold on the plate! Proper silver service should know who's ordered what against the seating plan so a whole table gets their food together.
Also "food ratios" - don't give me a massive chunk of pate and a teeny tiny slice of bread to put it on!
Music is key - know your audience. I went to a wedding last year and the band was great but played very slushy swing sort of tracks and people just weren't up for dancing to it. You can't beat a cheesy disco!

I love a wedding!
The only thing I've ever found tedious was at a friends where they go married at a registry office at 11, we then had to travel to their house (nice big garden) for photos and food, then another travel to reception venue. Lots of travelling, lots of waiting whilst they were doing photos, and just a long day with no entertainment. We also were sat on hay bales in their garden, and it started raining so we, the guests, had to move all the hay bales inside as they didn't have the seating for everybody. They also didn't have a music system or anything so it was very quiet, especially as half the guests didn't know each other so lots of awkward silences.

Our wedding, we didn't get married until four for this very reason as there's was the last wedding we went to before ours and we kind of used it as a what no to do guide. We kept photos to a minimum time, only a handful of couple photos, a few family/guests ones and the majority of ours were candid from the reception as that's personally just what we preferred. We also had transport from the venue we got married to the reception venue, as we didn't want our guests paying for taxis, or having to drive themselves if they wanted to drink as we were the ones who chose two separate venues

So all in all, consider timings. Ensure you have plenty of comfortable seating. Drink options for every type of guests and close locations. If travelling consider transport for guests.