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Original poster

Light hearted, how would you address post to us as a married couple?

98 replies

Terribleluck · 13/12/2021 14:54

We got married and I didn't change my name. My official name is Ms X-Y. I married Mr. A. Post gets addressed to us as Mr & Mrs A-X. Wouldn't that imply he changed his name? It's a but silly, but had never thought about it before. I'm just clueless as to what would be the "norm".

OP posts:
GunsNShips · 13/12/2021 15:24

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
This is a massive drip feed!!

I wouldn’t have made up mr & mrs A-X (would probably have listed your names out on full) but if you have a child and have set a precedence then yeah I’d probably go with A-X family!

HardbackWriter · 13/12/2021 15:24

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
Well that's a drip feed! If you sign yourself 'the A-X family' then of course people will use that to address things to you!
housemaus · 13/12/2021 15:24

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
I think it makes sense people would assume you were all collectively using that then (cos you are, in the card-signing sense at least!).
Sally872 · 13/12/2021 15:26

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
There's your answer then. They are assuming how you sign is how you wish to be addressed. It usually is.
Fleemeister · 13/12/2021 15:27

well if you sign yourselves the A-X family they are all just being polite and attentive.

Once it gets to 3 different surnames I tend to revert to "Mike and Sally".

DelurkingAJ · 13/12/2021 15:30

It also depends if you’ve told people! If I know I will happily go with whatever I’m told but I’m a long way from psychic and my friends have done each and every combination imaginable so I simply can’t guess any more. And everyone seems surprised that their way isn’t what most people do…

JustLyra · 13/12/2021 15:32

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
Well that explains why people do that then.

It sounded like you were confused why people did that.

No different to calling someone by the first name they introduce themselves as.

Original poster
Terribleluck · 13/12/2021 15:33

But I would have thought it made sense to address it to the A-X family? Rather than Mr and Mrs...on FB I'm still under the name I've always been. My MIL calls me Mrs A, so I know Mr & Mrs A-X is some sort of improvement!

OP posts:
TragicallyUnbeyachted · 13/12/2021 15:37

As a friend I'd probably address to

Terrible X-Y and Horrible A
Terrible X-Y, Horrible A and family

Although if you'd signed cards from "the A-X family" then I might well assume that's how you wanted to be addressed in future.

More formally,

Ms T. X-Y and Mr H. A (if I had primarily dealt with you. Or if your surname doesn't actually start with an X and is ahead of his alphabetically)
Mr H. A and Ms T. X-Y (if I had primarily dealt with him. Or if the surnames genuinely start with A and X-Y so that his comes first alphabetically)

CoffeeRunner · 13/12/2021 15:37

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
Well that totally changes the question.

In that case I would address you as you address yourselves - the A-X family.

Mostly though I just use first names. It saves the hassle.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 13/12/2021 15:39

So long as you don’t address it

Mrs. Dh’s name. Surname.

I have elderly formal relations who send me post like this. It makes me so cross. I know it was the formal way to address a married female. But it’s not now. I’m not a possession of DH.

Original poster
Terribleluck · 13/12/2021 15:39

Something I just remembered! Before we got married the same senders used to address it to Mr A & Family.

OP posts:
HardbackWriter · 13/12/2021 15:40

@Terribleluck

But I would have thought it made sense to address it to the A-X family? Rather than Mr and Mrs...on FB I'm still under the name I've always been. My MIL calls me Mrs A, so I know Mr & Mrs A-X is some sort of improvement!
I'm not at all one of those people who insist that names don't matter and women are being uptight if they don't like things addressed to 'Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname', but in this particular case I do think that you're splitting hairs.
Theremoresefulday · 13/12/2021 15:43

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
Well what a drip feed!!
Simonjt · 13/12/2021 15:46

Ms x-y and Mr a if I knew you more, otherwise Mr a and Ms x-y if I knew him more.

Signing as the a-x family when that excludes a member of the family may be causing confusion

Plantsandpuddlesuits · 13/12/2021 15:53

I'd probably just put first names if you are a friend but if more formal I'd put Mr A and Ms XY

DappledThings · 13/12/2021 15:55

@Terribleluck

But I would have thought it made sense to address it to the A-X family? Rather than Mr and Mrs...on FB I'm still under the name I've always been. My MIL calls me Mrs A, so I know Mr & Mrs A-X is some sort of improvement!
I never put The X Family on envelopes. I like formality. If you signed things from the The A-X Family I would assume you have all changed so you are all A-X surname. If I only had FB to go on and you are are still Jane X-Y there I would go with Ms J. X-Y and Mr B. A.

You signing off as the A-X Family would override that though and I would then assume you were keeping X-Y professionally but were officially A-X and use that.

Nevertime · 13/12/2021 15:57

Where the wife has taken his name I'll admit I do it the old fashioned way (the way I was taught was correct at school) Mr and Mrs His Initials Surname.

In your case, I would put Mr His initial his Surname and Your title initial Surname.

I would very much appreciate being told what you want to be called though, don't make me guess! If you've been signing A-X family it's hardly surprising that's what people use.

rifling · 13/12/2021 16:00

I haven't changed my name either. I would put something like: Ms Smith and Mr Jones. I still have relatives that put my husband's name on it as they "can't remember"! I need my correct surname on post otherwise it won't get delivered.

Shylo · 13/12/2021 16:01

Really I should write Ms X and Mr Y but since I am a lazy bugger and get bored writing cards I have been known to shorthand it to Ms & Mr X-Y

Triffid1 · 13/12/2021 16:03

@Terribleluck

Our DS is Toddler A-X, and we sign our cards from the A-X family, but that's way before we got married.
If you've signed cards from the A-X family, then I'd probably address it to "The A-X Family". If I wanted to go traditional Mr/Ms, I'd go with Ms X-Y and Mr A or vice versa, depending on who I know best. But generally, even for friends who HAVE changed their name, I usually would just say, "The Smith Family" because the truth is that most of the time it's for the children as well and I don't want to write everyone's name on the envelope.

DH has a number of friends from his old work days who send cars to him as Mr DHName but inside write all our first names.

Original poster
Terribleluck · 13/12/2021 16:04

When we got married they explicitly asked if I was taking his name, which we said no, I wouldn't.

OP posts:
rrhuth · 13/12/2021 16:06

@PragmaticWench

Actually amongst our close friends we cut each surname in half and put them together. Sounds daft but it's quite funny and obviously on cards and nothing official.
Yes I also like to do this, espcially so if it sounds rude because I am childish Grin
JustLyra · 13/12/2021 16:06

@Terribleluck

But I would have thought it made sense to address it to the A-X family? Rather than Mr and Mrs...on FB I'm still under the name I've always been. My MIL calls me Mrs A, so I know Mr & Mrs A-X is some sort of improvement!
I think that’s being overly pedantic.

You called yourself the A-X family. You’ve got married so therefore, to them, you are now Mrs & Mr A-X

What people use on FB often isn’t an indication of their actual names. My surname on Facebook is a holiday place I used to go to as a child - chosen to stop children and parents of the schools I used to work in being able to easily find me.

toastofthetown · 13/12/2021 16:07

I address post (with the exception of elderly relatives who might not appreciate it so much) as first names only. Not fully in line with etiquette, where I believe you are meant to write Mr John Smith and M(r)s Jane Jones (source) but I don't like writing and I'm pretty bad at it so it's just John and Jane, X Street... from me.