Do you message your work pal if they are off?

[loveablequalities]

I've been off work for a few weeks with covid and now a post viral chest infection. Been quite poorly, dealing with poorly dh and poorly kids etc. Really upsetting and stressful as the boss has been a bit difficult to deal with, loads of things to do at this time of year and so on. Absolutely no one in my department has messaged to ask me how I am or what have you. It's like I've dropped off the face of the earth. I'm a bit taken aback. We've all got each other's numbers. Usually message every so often. One lass in particular would usually text every other day. Not a peep. I messaged her to say to please throw away my yoghurt from the fridge and she just said "aye, will do."

Am I just being precious? Would you message your work pal if they were off?

It really depends on the circumstances.

Generally, no, I wouldn't, and I wouldn't expect to be getting texts and messages from work colleagues either.
I like all my Team, we all get on great, but I don't have the sort of relationship where we are generally texting and chatting on a daily basis, so I wouldn't expect it to happen when I'm ill.
If you do that normally... ie are much closer friends than most colleagues are, then you will have your own boundaries and expectations.

There are many threads on here complaining about work getting in touch when they are off sick, so it is clearly a bit of a divide.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer other than it depends on your relationships.

See I thought we were quite pally. Well, actually, that one lass I thought I was really good friends with. I bought her a birthday gift (and she did me) and we have been pretty close particularly during lockdowns and wfh and I've supported her with stuff in her personal life. We have have a staff WhatsApp. I feel a bit hurt and surprised no one has been in touch. I'm not usually over sensitive so maybe it's nothing.

Just...I'm wondering if I've upset people. We had a weird staff night out a wee while ago where I wasn't drinking and the rest of them were. I left a bit early. I'm on medication for other stuff and I don't sleep well so I was really tired. Kind of got a vibe after that things weren't right. My boss is a tricky customer. She's apt to put us against each other, bitches with you about other department members and laughs at folk behind their backs. I'm just wondering if something has been said about me.

And so to the rabbit hole of over thinking!

As far as the boss goes she was in daily contact at first asking for stuff and wanting all sorts of things like me to sort out it issues at work (not actually my job...). In the end I had to be a bit firm and say that I couldn't do it.

When I went off I had messages from the two people I expected to hear from - I'm friends out of work with them - but no other work colleagues.

If it's a work pal who I actually see outside for work/go to their house, then I would message to ask how they were. If it's more of a nice person I get on with at work, I wouldn't expect them to ask.

@loveablequalities

As far as the boss goes she was in daily contact at first asking for stuff and wanting all sorts of things like me to sort out it issues at work (not actually my job...). In the end I had to be a bit firm and say that I couldn't do it.

This sounds more like you told work to stop contacting you (which is fine) so everyone has stuck to that.

My dd had this situation in reverse when a work colleague was off for 3 weeks because of an operation and recovery. This colleague is very close and has been a great first boss to her. She was worried about annoying someone who just might want to be left alone to rest but after talking to me decided to text a short message of support and not expect a reply. She agrees now that this was the right thing to do for her situation and had the roles been reversed, a message checking in would have been appreciated

Generally no, but I got a couple of messages when I was on maternity leave. I sent one or two when a close colleague was in hospital for cancer treatment. I’ll probably send more next time because I’m looking after her dog!

I think they don’t want to be seen as prying or pressuring your return. Also if someone is off with stress, feeding back stuff from work is unlikely to help them get better.

Do your colleagues know that you are off sick? Have you told them? Obviously, your boss can’t tell them. I’ve been off sick for three months and the only people that know are my line manager and HR and someone else who organises the work. I haven’t had any messages from work colleagues at all.

With your update and the context of a shit boss I imagine what’s happened is that your boss has told everyone that they’re not allowed to contact you.

They definitely know I'm off. It's a department of 10 and they are having to cover my work because I've been off for three weeks (with covid not stress not that it matters)..

I didn't ask my boss to not be in touch. I told her I couldn't do the work she was asking for because I was sick.

I'm probably being silly and over sensitive. I'm just surprised. I thought I was decent enough pals with them to warrant a wee message. I've sent them messages in the past and have had them before.

The thread has made me feel a bit better though. A range of opinions. Always good to write a worry down and get rid of it. Thank you everyone.