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Original poster

Handhold - on postnatal ward and struggling

58 replies

ActonBell · 08/12/2021 18:56

Baby is one day old. I had a long labour and emergency C-section in the end. Baby has had a few issues with infection markers and breathing. He’s with me but we’re being kept in at least 3 days for treatment and observation.

I’m at a great hospital- the staff are really helpful and not too overwhelmed. I’m in a 4 bed bay and two people left today but I guess it may fill up again later.

So, the experience could be a lot worse. But my husband can only visit for a couple of hours a day because of covid. I miss my son at home. I’m struggling with breastfeeding, I’m in a lot of pain from the op and hormones are kicking in making me teary. It’s hot and I’m struggling to get any sleep night or day. I’m so sad that my little one has a cannula in and had to have an X-ray today.

How do I get through the next few days on my own? I have snacks, water, and a few programmes downloaded on my phone. I have a reasonably comfortable bed and I can ask the staff for help, so like I say it could be worse. I just feel incredibly overwhelmed at the minute especially at night.

I feel like I could just about cope if I was focusing just on my recovery or on baby but trying to do both by myself seems just impossible.

OP posts:
ShiftingSands21 · 08/12/2021 19:00

That does sound really tough OP. I don’t suppose there is any chance to move to a private room? Sometimes that means more visits.

mayblossominapril · 08/12/2021 19:14

I’m really sorry you are stuck in post natal and your partner can’t visit much but at least it’s not full of other people’s visitors.
When I had my lockdown baby and very kind student midwife looked after her for a few hours at night so I could rest. I would ask at night when your feeling overwhelmed for someone to sit with you. That student midwife made a huge difference to my stay

Dumplinghead · 08/12/2021 22:45

As a PN midwife, I'd say talk to the staff, tell them you're struggling with it. Someone might be able to help you a bit more and give you a bit of rest. I know it's really hard at the moment.

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ParisPreMom · 08/12/2021 22:49

My heart goes out to you, I went through the same (although pre-Covid). Nights are so hard. Don't hesitate to ask for help with feeding after a c-section, it can be tough. Sending best wishes xo

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 08/12/2021 23:01

All the sympathy to you, no one wants to be on a postnatal ward, you just want to be at home Flowers

Does the hospital have an infant feeding team, or a specialist midwife who can help with breastfeeding? Are they encouraging you to have lots of skin-to-skin time with your baby (high up on your chest to avoid the scar?)?

I’m so sad that my little one has a cannula in and had to have an X-ray today.

Whenever I'm in that sort of situation (granted not usually as serious!) I try to reframe it as, "Thank goodness I live in a country where these things are accessible. Thank goodness I won't have to go into debt to pay for them." etc (I hope that doesn't come across really dismissive of what you and the baby are going through).

Thesechipsdontlie · 08/12/2021 23:25

Here for the hand hold, op, my story was very similar ( were both ok now)

I like podcasts on my phone, and audio books, as I can have an ear bud in and still bond with baby. Also passed the time in a noisy bay (in my case, it was busy and noisy at night)

Do you have a close friend you can call to off load? Or even Samaritans...I'm only saying that as I find talking is helpful for me. Might not work for everyone.

I also like the headspace app. Very soothing.

Thesechipsdontlie · 08/12/2021 23:28

Also I did give my baby some formula, as my milk took a while to get going. He had a full tum and we both got some rest. It was literally just a couple of mls here and there, then breastfed quite well to six months (chose to stop)

ElinorOliphant · 08/12/2021 23:32

Oh this brings back memories OP. It’s so tough isn’t it? I bet you can’t wait to get home. You feel battered after an EMCS and then have to look after a baby 😌

Not sure I can offer any advice but just to say there will be thousands of women on the post natal wards going through the same thing.
Don’t forget the hormones/milk coming in will make you cry lots in a couple of days. I was a blubbering wreck.

Congratulations on your newborn and he will never remember the cannula Flowers

user3193 · 08/12/2021 23:33

This was me at the start of the year. Except swap the c section for forceps but everything else was identical! Just take each night as it comes, do not be worried to ring your bell if you need any help. Just try and enjoy the no housework not having to worry about making yourself any food as atleast that is done for you ( albeit the food isn't great!)

Hopefully you are home before you know it! Oh and congratulations

Northernlurker · 08/12/2021 23:37

I'm just going to say this in case it's in your head - there is NOTHING you could have done to avoid this situation, it is not your fault. If you are looking at your baby blaming yourself, well I can't say don't because I know we all do - but do try to be kind to yourself.
You are clearly doing a great job holding it together and it really will just be a few more days.

Congratulations on your baby! Do you have a name yet?

ijustneedasleep · 08/12/2021 23:47

Oh you poor thing OP Thanks
Being on the post natal ward is rough, more so with COVID restrictions (ds was born in February by c section too)
It is so so hard but it is temporary and you'll be home so soon.
It can be so lonely so definitely call/message people to pass the time. The midwives are there to help you! Don't feel like a burden just ask for help. It's almost impossible to sleep but you still need as much rest as possible, shut your eyes every chance you get.
You're doing a great job. You can do this.

RhubarbTea · 08/12/2021 23:52

I've been there and it is really tough. You have just been through a massive event, and now you are expected to take care of yourself without family/friend support and also look after a tiny vulnerable newborn while you are feeling physically under the weather, and awash with hormones to boot. I totally understand. Can you focus on positive things you are looking forward to doing once you're home, places you'd like to visit with family or meals you want to eat, and get friends messaging you as much as possible to check in, send you funny memes etc. It will pass and one day this will all be long ago, it is such a small blip in the grand scheme of things but I know that postnatal wards can feel like groundhog day for every second you are there. Sending you a big hug. Flowers

elenacampana · 08/12/2021 23:55

Hey OP. This was me a couple of weeks ago, I was at Liverpool Women’s when the bomb went off and we my daughter had a cannula and a nose tube. She was being treated for suspected meningitis as well.

It was a really hard 12 days and I felt like it would never end. I also made a Mumsnet post about finding it really hard. I was moved to a side room as I wasn’t coping with the ward, it made a big difference.

We’ve been home 2 weeks now and all is well. Take it an hour at a time and focus on your breathing. You can ask to speak to the perinatal mental health midwives - I did and it did wonders for me.

elenacampana · 08/12/2021 23:57

I’d also had a long labour and a c-section it was rubbish and I needed help when I just wanted to get on with it.

You can do this!

RomComPhooey · 09/12/2021 00:05

If it helps at all, what you’re experiencing is very normal in my experience. I had an EMCS with DS1 and we were in for a few days. In that time there was a fair bit of churn in our bay as women came down from theatre and others went home. It was tge same when I had my ELCS with DS2. There was only one woman who didn’t cry in the wee small hours and she was a seasoned Mum on #4.

A long labour and CS is tough on anyone, setting aside your worries for your baby. As others have suggested tell the staff how you are feeling first and foremost. Ask the midwives about tramadol if the pain is unmanageable. I did with DS2 and it made such a difference when my pain was managed and I could get up and about more easily. I felt I could cope better. It’s a big op. It’s ok to find it hard. Try not to push yourself too hard and rest as much as you can.

Congratulations on your lovely new baby too. 💐

Goodluckanddontfuckitup · 09/12/2021 00:13

Another hand hold here OP. I've been there too and by God is it grim. Flowers Is there any chance of a private room? It makes such a difference not having other people's noise and buzzers going off. In my local hospital you can pay for one, about £80 so not cheap but so worth it if you can afford one. Xxx

SortCode · 09/12/2021 00:20

How you doing OP, keep posting on here, we are all to help and listen to you

Original poster
ActonBell · 09/12/2021 00:25

Thanks all. So exhausted as after sleeping through all his checks and treatments today he hasn’t been to sleep yet tonight! No private rooms unfortunately but there’s still only one other mum here so at least it’s very quiet. Thanks for all the advice. Flowers

OP posts:
MonkeyArms · 09/12/2021 00:32

I remember saying out loud on a ward that I was scared, lonely and struggling.

A voice from behind the next door curtain said "me too".

Obviously you can get lucky and unlucky with your companions on a post natal ward, but the odds are one other person is struggling and one has been there before and can help.

Dorkwillow · 09/12/2021 00:59

Oh gosh this was me, we got home Tuesday evening, forceps delivery last Thursday and then baby was slow to feed. He bounced back but they wanted to keep him in for antibiotics for 5 days and I nearly broke over the weekend it was so hard as he started cluster feeding and the 3 hours a day I got with my husband was not enough! I hate asking for help so probably struggled when unnecessary.
it was only when one of the paediatricians said to me that it is this hard for everyone and there’s a reason they don’t tell anyone how hard EBF is cos no one would do it! He also reminded me it’s normal to cry and it was to be expected but that most people tend to forget about it so that’s why it’s rarely spoken of! It made me feel better knowing “it’s not just me” and honestly you’ll be home before you know it and that will make the world of difference!

Weatherwax13 · 09/12/2021 01:06

Big unmumsnetty hug. It's such a tough, overwhelming time. Perhaps identify a midwife who seems really nice and just tell her exactly how you're feeling. Don't feel guilty if you need to ask for more help. Hopefully it'll be forthcoming.
Congratulations on your lovely new baby and I hope you'll be home with your family really soon

SmellyOldOwls · 09/12/2021 03:22

Aw OP Thanks after I had my c section I was moved into the covid ward because I'd been exposed while in the induction bay and had to spend 2 days with no visitors, not even DH. The other women in the ward were great, we all chatted to each other a bit and kept each other company. Reach out to everyone around you Thanks

Kyliealwayshadthebestdisco · 09/12/2021 04:01

Ask to speak to a breastfeeding advisor ASAP if it’s a struggle. Don’t be afraid to ask for formula if needed, it is not poison. Get the midwives to take your baby away at night so you can get some good rest after a difficult labour and feeling overwhelmed. Ask for a private room if possible. Explain why. Tell midwives you’re feeling rubbish and remember your hormones are all over the place and you’ll be exhausted. Eat and drink! And don’t let them discharge you home until you’re ready unless you feel you’d actually get more support at home which sadly these days can be a thing.

CheeseMmmm · 09/12/2021 04:19

OP you poor thing. Yes it's shit.

I had emcs dd1 planned dd2. I also spent a large chunk of secondary school in hospital on and off.

Tips.
It's boring. Boring and in pain and worrying about baby is just hideous.
Get DH to bring-

  • Snacks are good. Dunno if food in hosp ok. Whatever, get him to bring things you like and find yummy, a treat.
Eg Fruit, box of chocs, yummy rolls and something nice to put in them. Prawn sandwich from nice place. Peach slices in syrup. Spam. Whatever you think mmm I'll look forward to that.
  • newspapers, books. Reread books that make you happy. Or been getting round to. Magazines. Phones etc are good but not the same. Ask him to bring whatever you really like or will hold interest or make you happy.
  • headphones for music? Keep one off ear a bit still hear baby. Audio books etc.

Whatever you think will make time pass quicker.

....

Wards. I like wards but I know that's weird!
However.
You're with others. That means something REALLY GOOD. You get checked in on more. Regular in day and through night. Reassuring. They have you on their radar way more than private room.

Nat6999 · 09/12/2021 04:22

Could you ask if there is a single room available? I was in 4 nights after my emcs due to pre eclampsia. I had 2 nights in high dependency & 2 nights on post natal, I was lucky enough to get a single room but it was still noisy with buzzers going all night & I had two women either side of me who were having their babies taken off them due to drug use who were screaming the place down every night. Could you ask your dh to bring you some earplugs so you can try & get some sleep. It will pass, tomorrow you will hopefully only have two nights left. Just focus on yourself & your baby, before you know it you will be going home.

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