Do your 14 year olds do this?

[OhPeeQueue]

She just came running down panicked to tell me that her friend is moving to a 3 storey house next week, and that one of her friends lives in a 3 storey house somewhere else…this little speech would have ended with her telling me she’s the the only one who has to share a room with her sister. 🙄.

So I shouted at her and told her to go to her room and stop being so materialistic. She is always constantly telling me how rich her friends are 🙄.

Nice way to make your parents feel like shit when they’re working hard to give you everything they can.

We bought our 17yo dd a car for her birthday as a surprise - she was distinctly unimpressed (although she had spoken a lot about wanting to learn to drive and getting a car etc, spoke about what car she wanted, it’s what we got her blah blah blah).
Took all my self control not to run her over with her new bloody car
Teenagers can be ungrateful swines, they are so self centred and have a habit of thinking the world and its servants exists solely for them.
I wouldn’t have shouted but I can see why you did, it can be very frustrating and testing sometimes.
(Ps she did come and thank us and hug us profusely later on, she said she was just rather overwhelmed at the gift. I’m not sure if she was just trying to cover her arse but I’d made dh and I feel better )

My 15 yo mixes with kids who have 4 bed houses in comparison with our tiny 2 bed flat. She has been envious of her friends. But she has her own room. We live where we live because buying a house is too costly but we are near good schools. It's a trade-off.

My DD 15 has some rich friends and when she tells me about their houses I say “oh I’m so sorry we have to live in such a poky hovel” or words to that effect and we joke about it. Sometimes I ask her if she’d rather I worked full-time rather than part-time so we had more money and she always says yes and I just say tough. She’s materialistic and she knows it and I just take the mickey out of her really. I don’t think it’s a shouting matter.

We live in a "3 storey house" - it's a dinky terrace with a loft conversion 😂

Tell your daughter a 3storey house doesn't = rich!

Nothing wrong with teens wanting more.
Tell her to be happy for her friends and to work hard at school so she can get a good job and get her own town house.

Shouting at her was stupid of you and I’m a shouter

Go and give her a cuddle op. I get it’s frustrating having repeated conversations and it maybe a sore spot if moneys tight and Christmas coming up, but this isn’t something to fall out about. It’s really not.

Well my kids don’t do that but then I don’t shout at them to go to their room every time they say something daft.

As parents we’re supposed to know better. Many a time I’ve heard that ‘Jake has xyz it’s so unfair’ and just replied ‘oh good for Jake, shame you live with mean old mum instead of Jake’s parents.’ It’s eye rolling territory, not shouting to go to their room.

Fell out with 13 year old ds this evening because apparently I’m totally unreasonable for not letting him chat on his phone to his mates whilst he is supposedly doing his homework. Yes I did shout when I caught him (because he knows the rule). So I’m not cool like his friends parents who allow them to have their phones 24/7 (suuuure they do)

Teen years - bloody hard work!

Interesting that a three storey house means being rich.. we are putting a third storey - loft conversion - because our house is piddly without it 😁 might be worth exploring why she associates the ‘space’
with wealth; perhaps she feels she has no private space at home? Other than designer clothes, a fancy car or exotic holidays for example. I would think to a teenager those are more obvious signs of wealth! Also maybe you could explain to her the reality of wealth with assets; for example if you have a massive mortgage on a 3 storey house that you may actually have less capital to your name! Same with a leased car. I always thought my parents were poor compared to those around us but when they retired at 55, mortgage free, with great pensions, I realised they weren’t poor and it was more about a lifestyle choice for the greater good. They wouldn’t buy me a cool bike, or a designer schoolbag growing up and I felt left out like your daughter. Then at 18 they paid for my university, and now in our thirties they regularly give us large financial gifts. I think it’s very important these days that kids understand how credit works and how to ‘win’ financially long term rather than live a life on credit which can go very wrong. So perhaps try and explain to her that having these ‘expensive’ things actually means on paper you are poorer, until/if you manage to pay them off which is not always guaranteed! Xo

Sorry, why are people assuming I’m some kind of abusive parent because I shouted at her?! 😂

In the space of starting this thread and now, she came back downstairs and we had a hot chocolate and she’s fast asleep now.

We never go to bed in this house cross at one another. I do love my children!

I live in a 3 storey house. It's council owned and we live on disability benefits absolutely not rich Most of the road is council owned converted terraced Victorian 3 storeys.

I don’t think it’s abusive. Just not great communication. It seems a bit random for her to say ‘I wish I didn’t share my room, Olivia doesn’t share hers’ and you to respond to that with shouting.

@OhPeeQueue

Sorry, why are people assuming I’m some kind of abusive parent because I shouted at her?! 😂

In the space of starting this thread and now, she came back downstairs and we had a hot chocolate and she’s fast asleep now.

We never go to bed in this house cross at one another. I do love my children!

Don't try and explain or justify yourself to anyone on here @OhPeeQueue Some people are so self righteous and think they are perfect, and such amazing parents. Oh, and they and have NEVER yelled at their kids!

@G5000

I tell my kids that better ones got better parents and they got us

😂 saving this for 10 years' time!

Feeling rich now cuz we live in a three storey town house

( I didn't know that meant you were rich )

Our dd1 hates the car we bought her because it's not 'new' like her friends' cars (it is pretty old, but we're not spending thousands on a car that she or her sister might prang in their first years of driving).

Dd2 hates the fact 'we never have any food in the house' like her friends. Which is a complete joke because our cupboards are bursting, just not with pot noodles, sweets, chocolate and biscuits like 'all' one of her friends' cupboards.

We live in an affluent area where it's quite normal to have big houses, ponies, exotic holidays etc. Thankfully we sent them to state school where they at least get some perspective of 'normality'. There's a renowned private school nearby, a magnet for oligarchs and celebrities, where some of my friends' dcs go, and it's even worse there!

I don’t think it’s abusive to shout at someone and send them to their room, as such, although it can be a pattern of abusive behaviour. Even in isolation though it’s hardly great parenting, especially not over something like this.

But I’d assume she hit a sore spot, so it’s not just her who reacts to people having large houses, money, room for each kid. It’s you also. Which is what caused you to lash out.

Maybe stop shouting and being over dramatic?

Every teenager prefers their own space. Your dd doesn't have this but shouting at her isn't going to help.

@Motnight

Every teenager prefers their own space. Your dd doesn't have this but shouting at her isn't going to help.

I agree

I live in a three storey house, those stairs are not something to brag about.

My kids aren't that old yet, but I love how many people think they NEVER lose their patience, my mum shouted at me when I was growing up, I don't think she did a horrendous job, I think sometimes I was a nob who didn't listen 😅

@Elzbells

We do live in a town house and she doesn't have to share a room with her sister.

Instead I regularly get shouted at for not blessing her with the genetics for a thigh gap, giving her straight hair, freckles and lack of a waist.

I just say "yes dear, never mind" to all complaints and she eventually gets fed up and gets back on time tok 🤷‍♀️

This. If it wasn't sharing a room it would be about her weight, or her height, or spots, or hair, or that she doesn't get to do x, or that she has to spend too much time doing y, or you make her do z and her friends don't have to.

It's the world they live in. They are on the receiving end too, being judged by their peers all the time or if not, worrying about being judged. These things sting when they hit a nerve.

Dd2 hates the fact 'we never have any food in the house' like her friends. Which is a complete joke because our cupboards are bursting, just not with pot noodles, sweets, chocolate and biscuits like 'all' one of her friends' cupboards

Even if your cupboards were bursting with biscuits and crisps, I can guarantee they'll still say there's nothing to eat! Last week my ds had a big plate of curry and rice followed by a piece of cake I made. Cupboards were full of snacks and treats, the fruit bowl was full and he was welcome to eat anything...yet he still moaned he was starving and why don't we have anything to eat

That's the thing with teenagers...you can never win. My ds once moaned I was too nice!