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Original poster

Do your 14 year olds do this?

95 replies

OhPeeQueue · 06/12/2021 20:34

She just came running down panicked to tell me that her friend is moving to a 3 storey house next week, and that one of her friends lives in a 3 storey house somewhere else…this little speech would have ended with her telling me she’s the the only one who has to share a room with her sister. 🙄.

So I shouted at her and told her to go to her room and stop being so materialistic. She is always constantly telling me how rich her friends are 🙄.

Nice way to make your parents feel like shit when they’re working hard to give you everything they can.

OP posts:

Silverswirl · 06/12/2021 21:15

If this is the worst you have to worry about with your 14 year old, think yourself very very lucky!

bethclark553 · 06/12/2021 21:16

I was definitely like this at 14. My school was heavily cliquey and the popular group were predominantly 'rich' pretty girls. I grew up in a small ex council house with my working class parents and even though my parents (particularly my dad) was so hard working and did the most possible for me, it was never enough as it wasn't glamorous like my 'friends'. I feel terrible now and couldn't care less. I grew up and grew out of it. Nobody cares when you're not at school anymore, the cliques tend to disappear.

Comedycook · 06/12/2021 21:18

Of course a teenager doesn't want to share a room. But they always think their friends have a better deal. My ds13 told me that I was an awful mum for not buying him a console whilst he was at primary school. I used to take him out a lot though to different activities but apparently he hated them all. .

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Original poster

OhPeeQueue · 06/12/2021 21:21

She's told me she's never going to have children until she is rich! @TeacherMa omg! Yes! This is what she’s said to me too! 😳

Absolutely agree with you. They never compare themselves with those less well off.

OP posts:

NeedsCharging · 06/12/2021 21:23

You lost me when you said you shouted at her...cos then she will pay attention

Someone's life is always better. I don't shout at my teen DC I talked to them.

Original poster

OhPeeQueue · 06/12/2021 21:27

Good for you! 👏.👏.👏

OP posts:

Original poster

OhPeeQueue · 06/12/2021 21:29

And she did pay attention, because I told her I don’t want to hear this again, and to go upstairs. And she listened. Because we’ve had this “talk” before about her friends and their houses. But thanks for your input there. Still don’t feel bad about shouting at her. ✌️

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2021 21:30

@OhPeeQueue

Great way to teach her how to deal with difficult conversations

Slow hand clap

Titsywoo · 06/12/2021 21:31

My DDs 'friends' at secondary were all from less well off families and were pretty horrible to her about being rich (we aren't but we are certainly comfortably off). Teens lives are constant drama/comparison/jealousy whatever end of the wealth spectrum you are on. Just let it go over your head and don't be offended. They will figure it all out eventually.

Original poster

OhPeeQueue · 06/12/2021 21:32

Great way to teach her how to deal with difficult conversations

Yeah, conversations we seem to have on repeat?

OP posts:

Original poster

OhPeeQueue · 06/12/2021 21:34

@Titsywoo, yeah I usually do let it go over my head, but the panic she came down in like something bad had happened, and then starting this speech about her friend’s 3 storey house pushed me over the edge.

Hoping she’ll figure it out soon!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2021 21:35

@OhPeeQueue

Great way to teach her how to deal with difficult conversations

Yeah, conversations we seem to have on repeat?

Yes op. It’s difficult, many parts of parenting are. She’s a teen. It’s a big thing to her, she’s not thinking about you. She’s thinking about her. Sharing a room, and how her mates have their own rooms, how she’s different, being envious, hormones all over the place. And yes sometimes we have repeated conversations

Also give some thought to this just being a sensitive issue to you.

HelplesslyHoping · 06/12/2021 21:35

Is she materialistic or is she just 14? I think it's the latter. The 'difficult' years go by quicker when you shout less and respect that she thinks differently than you, a grown adult upset about someone having a bigger house than you

ragged · 06/12/2021 21:37

You're buying into a belief that what you give her isn't enough, OP. That's why you're so riled. You'd be a lot happier if you stopped believing what you give her isn't a good deal. She's only reminding you of an insecurity you already had.

A lot of parents would have turned her comments into mutual banter. Yes some people have more & some have less & the reasons why tend to be unfair -- but rarely is the difference important enough to be unhappy about.

Lovemusic33 · 06/12/2021 21:38

I think it’s understandable that a 14 year old would want their own room/space?

Luckily my dd has never mentioned anyone having more or less than what she has, she does have her own room but it is small, she doesn’t have a tv in there, we don’t go on expensive holidays and she doesn’t have the latest iPhone but she never complains, she knows that people earn different amounts of money, some people have a lot more than her and some have a lot less, she’s always willing to help those with less (if we see a homeless person she wants to give them money or food). She knows she’s lucky to have a roof over her head and her own bedroom.

Underthestairsbears · 06/12/2021 21:39

Oh bless her.
I wonder if she knows my DD...

My DD keeps moaning that all her friends say she's rich because we live in a 3 storey house!!!!
Definitely not rich - we rent it!

FWIW I think there's just a lot more 3 storey houses around because they can cram in more houses on estates!

Knockoneofftheshelftowin · 06/12/2021 21:41

When I were a lad I used t' live in shoe box in 't middle o road.

Just say that.

Titsywoo · 06/12/2021 21:42

Also she is obviously trying to say something about having to share a room - most teens would struggle with that. I appreciate that there isn't much you can do about it unless there is another option you could afford?

Elzbells · 06/12/2021 21:44

We do live in a town house and she doesn't have to share a room with her sister.

Instead I regularly get shouted at for not blessing her with the genetics for a thigh gap, giving her straight hair, freckles and lack of a waist.

I just say "yes dear, never mind" to all complaints and she eventually gets fed up and gets back on time tok 🤷‍♀️

ldontWanna · 06/12/2021 21:44

Is she materialistic or just focused on something she is missing but has no power to change?
Why is she so desperate for her own room? Does she get any privacy? Is her sibling annoying her,messing with her stuff etc? Does she have a space to have people over? Does she get the time and space to decompress and be on her own?

It's more likely that she's communicating about a need that isn't met (and it's not your fault) but she needs to talk it out and moan, rather than rubbing your face into how much worse you are as a parent/provider than other parents.

For comparison we're in a one bedroom flat. Everyone's house is bigger than ours!

DirtyDancing · 06/12/2021 21:47

My niece refused to have any friends to her home when she went to secondary school because her house was embarrassing apparently. She didn't have anyone over until she was about 17!

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 06/12/2021 21:50

Sounds like she's triggering you by wanting things you'd like to give her but can't? It triggers something in you which makes you feel as though you aren't good enough or living up to things as you'd like despite working hard.

Try talking to her rather than shouting at her. It might help you both.

Incognito22333 · 06/12/2021 21:55

I think it is just a very materialistic age and they compare a lot. I think it is normal. My DD at that age told me she would marry a lord and make lots of rich friends to get invited to big parties and get nice presents. We laugh about it now.
If you think about it our society does value money a lot so it is only normal that they notice this and the differences in society as they grow up. Soon they come to realise what actually matters is love and support and they realise a rich person is not a better person and doesn’t necessarily have a more important job in society.

ProudThrilledHappy · 06/12/2021 21:56

Haha teens are hilarious though. DS spotted my payslip on my desk a few weeks ago and couldn’t believe how unreasonable I am not to give him more pocket money when I’m “so loaded” (on a part time low income btw).

Had to sit him down and list alllll the payments that come out of that money from mortgage to bills etc.

He looked astonished when we worked out the pittance left over

PinkAndPurpleClouds · 06/12/2021 21:58

Yep, teenage girls are ungrateful little shits @OhPeeQueue AND it will get worse over the next 3-4 years. I am not going to go into it in detail, but my DD said some really cutting things when she was a teen - comparing me and DH with her friends parents and our home with theirs...AND our car with theirs!

She even had a go at me a few times for not having my own car, like her friends mothers. I didn't need my own - my job was 10 minutes walk, and the shops were 10 minutes walk, the bus stop was 5 minutes walk away, and most of my family and friends were within 3 bus stops or half hour walk. And I used DH's car if I really needed it.

She was really quite cruel a couple of times. If your daughter is half as bad as she was for 3 or 4 years, I can understand you yelling. I never did, I just went quiet and said nothing, but we all act differently.

But it was just a stroppy teenage girl phase, and she is now a lovely kind grateful loving woman in her late 20s, who is the best daughter imaginable, and a wonderful friend to me and her dad..... It will pass.

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