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Original poster

Awkward situation

77 replies

vickyp0llard · 02/12/2021 14:23

I'm having a party soon and one of my friends has a dog. I don't think they've ever left it anywhere, it always goes with them to any sort of event and anyone's house they're invited to, even blocks of flats where pets are banned.

Now I really don't want any pets in my home - I'm allergic to every furry animal going, even the hypoallergenic ones (which apparently this one is, but he still made me sneeze a lot when I stayed at their house). I often sneeze for weeks after I've left a pet-owners house if I don't wash my hair/clothes/everything straight away. They've suggested keeping him in an exclusively hard-floored part of the house, but I don't see how this will realistically work when everyone gets drunk and wants to play with the cute dog, and the dog will inevitably get out and start running around on the carpets. I don't want to spend my party feeling anxious about it, as well as having to steam-clean my carpets once they've gone.

I think they will have a really hard time taking no for an answer and will see it as some sort of offense that I don't want their dog in my house, as I've tried to softly mention I'm worried about the allergies and they've still said they'll "have" to bring him. AIBU to demand they leave him with someone else?

OP posts:
BleuJay · 02/12/2021 14:24

Your home, your rules.

Tell them straight that dog cannot come.

AgentProvocateur · 02/12/2021 14:26

No, YANBU. What a sense of entitlement they have to think that their dog is welcome everywhere. Tell them they can bring it but it will need to stay outside in the garden.

Sunseed · 02/12/2021 14:27

If she is that good friend she would understand about your allergies.

If she makes a fuss she's clearly not that good a friend.

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Dogs
SvartePetter · 02/12/2021 14:28

Who would insist on bringing a dog to an allergic person's home???

LadyDanburysHat · 02/12/2021 14:29

Seriously entitled! You just say very clearly, the dog is not able to come to my house due to allergies. If you are unable to leave dog with someone else, we'll catch up another time.

PleasantBirthday · 02/12/2021 14:31

Well, if they can't come without the dog, it seems they can't come.

But they certainly can't bring it into your home and they should absolutely not be trying to find ways to make you accept it.

Wildrobin · 02/12/2021 14:32

Be really firm as she is being rude if insists . Our dog comes everywhere but she is always happy in the car if it’s not convenient and if she can’t be in the car I arrange for her to go to a friend. I have a friend who would welcome our dog out of politeness but doesn’t particularly like dogs so I choose not to bring her in and it’s not an issue

NuffSaidSam · 02/12/2021 14:32

You can't demand that they leave the dog with someone else, but you can tell them the dog is not coming to your house (their choice whether to leave it with someone or not come).

What are you friends with these people?

BabbleBee · 02/12/2021 14:34

I think you need to stop with the softly. Firm, ‘the dog cannot come’ over ‘I’d really rather dog didn’t come’.

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 14:34

The dog isn't welcome. Tell them that. If they choose not to come that's fine.

ShirleyPhallus · 02/12/2021 14:35

I don’t think you need to “demand” anything, but assertively tell them that you can’t accommodate the dog and that they’ll have to find alternative arrangements for him

HollowTalk · 02/12/2021 14:37

Surely there is some time in the day when the dog is left? What about work? A doctor's visit?

Just say, "You're welcome but you can't bring your dog. I'm allergic to dogs and it would ruin my night." There's nothing else to say.

blowtheroofoff · 02/12/2021 14:39

Why do some dog owners end up like this?
You have an allergy and it will affect you and your enjoyment of your own party in your house, yet they will get upset if they can't bring it? They're not great friends, or dog owners for that matter, in my book.
What if you'd booked a party in a 'no dogs' pub or restaurant? What would they do then?

PleasantBirthday · 02/12/2021 14:39

@HollowTalk

Surely there is some time in the day when the dog is left? What about work? A doctor's visit?

Just say, "You're welcome but you can't bring your dog. I'm allergic to dogs and it would ruin my night." There's nothing else to say.

It's annoying that the OP even has to explain further than "you can't bring your dog".

In fairness though, the fact that you have to tell adults not to bring a dog to your house is amazing.

Original poster
vickyp0llard · 02/12/2021 14:40

Yeah I was a bit surprised, as they weren't even going to ask me, I only found out they were planning to bring the dog when I asked them "are you planning to bring him, as I'm allergic and worried about it" and they said yes. I'm crap at being assertive, so I'm dreading having to put my foot down.... It's a party all of my friends are going to, I would like them to come and wouldn't want them to feel I'm excluding them, but surely it can't be that difficult to find a dogsitter for the weekend?

If the dog literally stayed shut off in the spare room it might work, but I can't see that happening, and it's not nice for the dog either.

OP posts:
Wombat69 · 02/12/2021 14:41

We have a dog we don't leave but I'd never insist on taking him places he's not allowed. Bonkers.

Your house, your rules.

My sil refused to come round my house unless I locked the mutts up, no clue where she thought I'd be able to do that tho. We met elsewhere...

Cheeseandlobster · 02/12/2021 14:42

I love my dog and hate leaving him alone but I wouldn't dream of bringing him to an allergic friends home.

She doesn't have to bring the dog. If she can't respect that then she can't come. Who on earth brings a dog to a party anyway?

RockinHorseShit · 02/12/2021 14:42

WATF insists on taking their dog to partiesConfused

YADNBU, your house, your rules & she's bang out of order fr putting you in this situation in the first place & isn't thinking of her poor dog either

NoSquirrels · 02/12/2021 14:43

Your party, you decide who is invited.

Your friends are invited, the dog is not.

Their choice whether to attend or not.

They don’t ‘have’ to bring the dog - but if they cannot attend without bringing the dog (which is what they mean) then you have to accept that decision.

idontlikealdi · 02/12/2021 14:44

I've got dogs. I wouldn't dream of taking them to any kind of party, gathering or dinner at someone else's home. Wouldn't even cross my mind.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 02/12/2021 14:45

It's a party all of my friends are going to, I would like them to come and wouldn't want them to feel I'm excluding them, but surely it can't be that difficult to find a dogsitter for the weekend?

You wouldn't be excluding them, you are excluding their dog. No person is welded to a dog - they can be very emotionally attached but it is entirely possible to exist and come to a party without said dog. They must leave the dog when they go into a supermarket, a restaurant, a cinema.

Do not be blackmailed. You don't need to give them a reason. It's simple - "The dog cannot come into my house. You (friend) decide what that means for you."

NoSquirrels · 02/12/2021 14:46

I'm crap at being assertive, so I'm dreading having to put my foot down....

You don’t need to “put your foot down” because the dog is not invited. You just need to say clearly “I’m sorry but you can’t bring the dog.” No more justification than that, don’t get drawn into it.

You: “I’m sorry but you can’t bring the dog.”
Them: “Blah blah reasons solutions etc”
You: “I understand but I’m sorry, you can’t bring the dog. Let me know when you’ve sorted something if you can come after all.”

lunar1 · 02/12/2021 14:46

Just send a text saying that you can't have the dog in your home and you understand if that means they are unable to come to the party.

PleasantBirthday · 02/12/2021 14:46

@idontlikealdi

I've got dogs. I wouldn't dream of taking them to any kind of party, gathering or dinner at someone else's home. Wouldn't even cross my mind.
It is bizarre - I wonder when it happened that you rock up to a dinner party with a bottle of wine under one arm and a dog under the other?
DismantledKing · 02/12/2021 14:47

Your friends are fucking nuts.
Stand your ground.

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