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Original poster

Awkward situation

77 replies

vickyp0llard · 02/12/2021 14:23

I'm having a party soon and one of my friends has a dog. I don't think they've ever left it anywhere, it always goes with them to any sort of event and anyone's house they're invited to, even blocks of flats where pets are banned.

Now I really don't want any pets in my home - I'm allergic to every furry animal going, even the hypoallergenic ones (which apparently this one is, but he still made me sneeze a lot when I stayed at their house). I often sneeze for weeks after I've left a pet-owners house if I don't wash my hair/clothes/everything straight away. They've suggested keeping him in an exclusively hard-floored part of the house, but I don't see how this will realistically work when everyone gets drunk and wants to play with the cute dog, and the dog will inevitably get out and start running around on the carpets. I don't want to spend my party feeling anxious about it, as well as having to steam-clean my carpets once they've gone.

I think they will have a really hard time taking no for an answer and will see it as some sort of offense that I don't want their dog in my house, as I've tried to softly mention I'm worried about the allergies and they've still said they'll "have" to bring him. AIBU to demand they leave him with someone else?

OP posts:
ComDummings · 02/12/2021 16:11

@NoSquirrels

I just wanted to check that I'm not being a dick (doesn't seem like I am) before I draft up a message.

Don’t spend ages on it, don’t give loads of waffle. Just a short, sweet “Just to clarify, I can’t have Dog at my party because of my allergies. Let me know if you can come or not - hope you can sort a dog sitter, looking forward to catching up.”

This is a really good one ^
gogohm · 02/12/2021 16:25

Your home your choice, but equally be prepared for them to say they cannot come. My dog goes most places with my exh (unless I've got him) even to work, he stays in the car if necessary though as he's definitely not hypoallergenic

gogohm · 02/12/2021 16:28

@PleasantBirthday
My ddog has been to dozens of dinner parties etc. But not unless the host agrees, invitations sometimes even include him though. My family treat him as a family member

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NoSquirrels · 02/12/2021 16:36

[quote gogohm]@PleasantBirthday
My ddog has been to dozens of dinner parties etc. But not unless the host agrees, invitations sometimes even include him though. My family treat him as a family member[/quote]
I’ve just suggested to my dad that our dog might stay home on Christmas Day and he was outraged … “But what about the turkey, you can’t leave her behind, on Christmas Day!” I think he’s factored her into the catering Grin

But that’s family. A party is different and whilst I’m happy for people to bring their dogs to mine no one’s ever assumed it was OK without asking. And I’d never be offended if someone said they didn’t want my hairy hound at their house. Logistics of dog sitting are part of dog ownership.

PleasantBirthday · 02/12/2021 16:43

[quote gogohm]@PleasantBirthday
My ddog has been to dozens of dinner parties etc. But not unless the host agrees, invitations sometimes even include him though. My family treat him as a family member[/quote]
This might sound aggressive but it's curiosity, really. Would you ask if your dog can come if people invite you around? It potentially puts people in a tricky position, like the op is in here...

SunInMyEyes · 02/12/2021 17:09

I'm allergic to dogs and when I used to visit friends they kindly kept theirs locked in another room. Although it helped to a degree, I always came away wheezing and with swollen, streaming eyes.

They're not very good friends if they insist on taking their dog to the home of a friend who is allergic to them.
You need to stand firm Op, ring/text them and say 'Sorry, but I definitely can't risk you bringing the dog'. And don't give in to any compromises - they need to understand your health is more important than their dog 🙄

BorderlineHappy · 02/12/2021 17:18

I also think you need to make clear if they turn up with the dog,they will be turned away.

MondayYogurt · 02/12/2021 17:19

What out, they might come with it anyway. Then you have awkward door step confrontation.

garlictwist · 02/12/2021 17:24

This is outrageous. There is no way I'd be happy with a dog in my house. They are very entitled.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 02/12/2021 17:25

'oh, that's a real shame, I was really looking forward to seeing you both! But obviously you can't leave the dog at home alone, so we'll just have to meet up somewhere else another time. Have you heard the news about X? I'm really excited about it!'

Don't give them an opportunity to say 'but how about if...'. Because they will, and then it's all back in your lap again. Just shut it down & change the subject. And keep it to texts/written so that you have thinking space instead of them putting you on the spot (I am also terrible at not being able to respond quickly enough when what I want to say is a blunt NO!)

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 02/12/2021 17:25

[quote gogohm]@PleasantBirthday
My ddog has been to dozens of dinner parties etc. But not unless the host agrees, invitations sometimes even include him though. My family treat him as a family member[/quote]
God, I would die before asking if our dog could come to other people’s dinner parties with us.

That is so not OK. Nobody I know would do this.

OP - YANBU, and the suggest short sweet reply is the way to go.

SunInMyEyes · 02/12/2021 17:26

I'm afraid if they turned up at my house with the dog after specifically being told not to bring it they'd get short shrift. Who needs CF's like that in their lives?

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 02/12/2021 17:27

@NoSquirrels

I just wanted to check that I'm not being a dick (doesn't seem like I am) before I draft up a message.

Don’t spend ages on it, don’t give loads of waffle. Just a short, sweet “Just to clarify, I can’t have Dog at my party because of my allergies. Let me know if you can come or not - hope you can sort a dog sitter, looking forward to catching up.”

To clarify - this reply is perfect.
amusedbush · 02/12/2021 19:33

This is utterly bonkers, and I say that as someone overly attached to their dog. I treat my dog like a baby when we’re at home but it would never cross my mind to just barge into other people’s homes with him Confused

YADNBU.

TheRigatonini · 02/12/2021 19:40

They are cheeky gits. I can’t believe you told them you’d prefer he wasn’t there and they responded that they ‘would have to bring him’. What an unbelievable cheek! So entitled and self-absorbed. Just arrogant really.

madroid · 02/12/2021 19:49

Cancel the party. You'll all catch covid... (including the dog)

WhenSepEnds · 02/12/2021 21:02

@vickyp0llard

I'm having a party soon and one of my friends has a dog. I don't think they've ever left it anywhere, it always goes with them to any sort of event and anyone's house they're invited to, even blocks of flats where pets are banned.

Now I really don't want any pets in my home - I'm allergic to every furry animal going, even the hypoallergenic ones (which apparently this one is, but he still made me sneeze a lot when I stayed at their house). I often sneeze for weeks after I've left a pet-owners house if I don't wash my hair/clothes/everything straight away. They've suggested keeping him in an exclusively hard-floored part of the house, but I don't see how this will realistically work when everyone gets drunk and wants to play with the cute dog, and the dog will inevitably get out and start running around on the carpets. I don't want to spend my party feeling anxious about it, as well as having to steam-clean my carpets once they've gone.

I think they will have a really hard time taking no for an answer and will see it as some sort of offense that I don't want their dog in my house, as I've tried to softly mention I'm worried about the allergies and they've still said they'll "have" to bring him. AIBU to demand they leave him with someone else?

I'd just say well that's a shame you can't make it then.....
underneaththeash · 02/12/2021 21:32

Dogs do not come to parties.
Just tell them.

MarshmallowSwede · 02/12/2021 22:09

Just say no dogs allowed. If they say they “have to” bring him then they just can’t come to the party.

It’s your home so it’s your rules. You want to enjoy your own party but how can you if you will be anxious about the dog?

Just say no. No dogs and no exceptions. It’s a no fur zone and your friend can either leave the dog while she attends your party or she can stay home. Either way no dogs will be in your home.

You’re not being unreasonable. Even if you were not allergic, you can still say no to having pets in your home.

Insidelaurashead · 03/12/2021 01:01

I love my dog to bits. He only comes to people's houses with me if theyve specifically invited him. 'fancy a cuppa at mine on Thursday? Bring the dog' type invite.

I have friends who love to see him in the park and at my house. I've never asked if he can come to their house. Honestly they'd probably say yes but they haven't invited him so he doesn't go. It's not hard to be considerate

2bazookas · 03/12/2021 01:17

You just say "Sorry, no animals in home because of severe allergy".

Everybody with animals sooner or later encounters someone allergic to them; so your friend just has to accept its part of life , or not come to party.

BleuJay · 03/12/2021 11:35

Or you could say the dog can’t come because another guest has already said that they are bringing their cat.

cstaff · 03/12/2021 11:50

OMG they are being outrageous. The fact that they know that you have allergies and still want to bring their dog is absolutely horrendous and so selfish. You just have to make it clear that you cannot have dogs anywhere in your house. If they decide not to come, that is on them.

MrsBobDylan · 03/12/2021 13:52

My ILs got a dog and don't leave him on his own ever. It is their choice of course but we have three dogs, one of whom finds it very challenging to have another dog in our house (their dog is an intact male and ours can all been done).

When we go out for a meal, they always bring the dog - it is really restrictive.

We are now saying that they can't visit with the dog. They 'don't see the problem' of course Hmm

LookItsMeAgain · 03/12/2021 14:00

Have you broken the news yet @vickyp0llard to your friends? How did they take it?

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