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Original poster

Think one of my kids has been stealing my cash

64 replies

LarryVeest · 01/12/2021 13:47

I have a pot with a roll of a few hundred pounds cash, which I add to each week. Every few months or so I go and pay it into the bank, and every now and then I pay eg the window cleaner in cash. I have been a bit lax about tracking the amount over the last 6 months but noticed back in September there was less than I thought, so I started keeping a proper log. Sure enough there have been two times when I've found less than the amount that I expected in there (most recently £60 less).

I don't think it could be anyone outside of the family, as it would take some rummaging to find the pot. I've also double checked with DH that he hasn't spent any of it. I have three kids, the eldest (16) is the most likely culprit (the other younger two don't really go out shopping or hanging out with friends. She's generally a good kid though, and I'm shocked to think she'd actually steal from me!

I'm planning on having a one to one chat with each of them, asking if they know anything about it, but I was wondering if anyone else had been through this, or has any advice about how to handle it.

OP posts:
Bonitalazenia · 01/12/2021 13:51

My sister had this with her daughters. She sat them down and asked them if they had taken it. When they denied it she said in that case it must be the cleaner and she would have to go to the police.....one of them was horrified and owned up straight away.

harmonyhall · 01/12/2021 13:52

F

Original poster
LarryVeest · 01/12/2021 14:13

Thanks bonita. I feel so disheartened...

OP posts:

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Bonitalazenia · 01/12/2021 14:29

Oh @LarryVeest I feel for you, its horrible but also not unusual. I'm sure someone will be along soon with some support / advice.

DartmoorChef · 01/12/2021 14:32

It's crazy to keep that amount of money hanging around the house.

Nicknacky · 01/12/2021 14:39

Having a few hundred pounds in the house is hardly crazy and it’s not really the point.

AlCalavicci · 01/12/2021 14:50

I confess that many many years ago when I was about 12 i did this with one of them big whisky bottles .
My DPs had been putting 50p's and £1 notes ( well I said it was a long time ago) and I took some out from time to time , I have no idea how much I took in total but probably about £10 over a few months.

About 3 weeks before my birthday my DPs sat me down and very solemnly told me that the portion of money that they were going to take out of the bottle to buy my birthday present had been taken by someone so I could not have the gift that I longed for .

They must of known it was me that took it ( I have a DB ) but they never actually accused me but it made me feel bad for stealing and I put some cash back in when I got some birthday money and told my DM who's birthday was only a few weeks after mine that there would be enough in there for her birthday present .

Could you try a similar tacked with your DC's ?

Cherrytart23 · 01/12/2021 14:51

@DartmoorChef

It's crazy to keep that amount of money hanging around the house.
Why? It's her house she should beable to leave money their as you do with any expensive objects.
FreeBritnee · 01/12/2021 14:54

I also used to take the odd 50p from my fathers chest of drawers and I used to buy sweets with it as a kid. He never knew. I did feel terribly guilty though so never did it as a teen. Just talk to them. .

JessicaPipsqueak · 01/12/2021 14:56

I think this is normal and I wouldn't overreact to it. However, it would be bloody stopping and stopping immediately!

You're right to just talk to them all, say you feel disappointed and you're giving them the opportunity to come to you and tell you. Stress you appreciate honesty

If there is no budging, I'd probably mention reporting to the police to see if that works.

Does the 16 year old have enough pocket money etc? I know this shouldn't mean she steals from you, but something to consider as an aside as it could be a reason in her head

MyPatronusIsAPenguin · 01/12/2021 14:56

Ashamed to admit I used to do this Blush

The thing that stopped me was a handwritten note basically saying I know someone is taking money, please stop

I was so mortified I never did it again. I always assumed it would go unnoticed Blush

MarmitesMyMate · 01/12/2021 15:02

My teen did this.
I asked and they said no.
No one else had been in the house and would have been hard to find too

So I said I was calling the police for finger print dusting, obviously I wasn't.
They got back from school and admitted x amount but not the full amount.

In total was around 280! But the stupid thing was it was money to be paid into their savings for driving lessons. It was in a tin with a key. Key is now hidden.
There was only about 600 in there from some stuff we'd sold. And hadn't had chance to pay in as our local. Bank has reduced hours and I could never make those times.

foreverandalways · 01/12/2021 15:03

My eldest daughter used to do this when she was younger ...took money from my husbands wallet all the time.....my purse was always kept in my bag.....thankfully....I had no idea this was happening until a few years ago when he told me in conversation about something else.....she is 30 now....😡.....

Karenath · 01/12/2021 15:05

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tenredthings · 01/12/2021 15:09

Leave a message saying you know who's taking it and they need to stop. That should work !

girlmom21 · 01/12/2021 15:14

Speak to your children and move the tin.

SpoonWhereArtThou · 01/12/2021 15:14

If none of them admit to it, sit them all down together and tell them you have no choice but to ring the police reporting it as theft and that they will take fingerprints from the jar.

Then walk away from them and up to you whether you fake a phone call or not.

We never stole money but then we were poor so every penny was accounted for.

Original poster
LarryVeest · 01/12/2021 15:17

I'm quite tempted to leave a note asking the culprit to stop, and also asking them to fess up. It might be more productive than an eyeball to eyeball conversation.

DD was talking the other day about trying to find a job, so maybe she is short on cash. We give her £15 a week, but pay for pretty much anything she needs/asks for within reason (clothes, extra money to get pizza out with friends etc). I have no idea if that's on a par with other people. She's certainly not complained about it, and she's not usually backward about coming forward!

I have a feeling that if it's her, she might be wanting to spend money on stuff I wouldn't approve of (booze, maybe drugs?!).

OP posts:
SillyLittleBiscuit · 01/12/2021 15:20

I did this as a teenager once. Took about £40. My dad, a while later, over dinner started telling me a story about his poor colleague whose kid was stealing from him and how lucky he was to have me as he knew I'd never do that to him. Honestly nearly threw up there and then. Never did it again.

Kuachui · 01/12/2021 15:26

to be honest i think the best way would be to sit them all down together, explain whats happening and that your disappointed but act as if you already know who took it. maybe give each of them a little extra stare so they think you know. explain that you know who did it and you won't be naming names as you dont want to cause embaressment although an apology at some point would be nice but that irts wrong to steal etc etc and always ask

blacksax · 01/12/2021 15:27

Maybe mention that you had been saving money to put to one side for Christmas presents, but unfortunately there is less than you thought there should be by now, so you won't be able to spend as much on their presents as you'd planned to.

AtomicBlondeRose · 01/12/2021 15:30

I think it's too tempting to have all that cash lying around, especially if it looks like enough that some won't be missed. My DP gets paid in cash and has a pot with notes in - he would happily give me any of it if I asked and if I wanted to go in and get some if I needed it I could but it always feels tempting to nick some! I don't know why, I've never stolen money but it's just...there...if I was 16 and could actually use the money I'm sure it would be hard to resist.

Harlequin1088 · 01/12/2021 15:30

You could always "plant" a few notes in there that you have marked in some way (such as drawing a ring around the Queen's eye or something like that on a fiver). Then make a point of checking your kid's purse/handbag/piggy bank or wherever they keep their pocket money. If the "marked" note is in there then you'll have your answer.

2bazookas · 01/12/2021 15:44

"Sorry, kids, our money had been stolen so all pocket money is cancelled indefinitely and we can't afford treats .

Meanwhile please write a list of all your friends who have been in the house in the last two months. They might be the thief. I shall ask them".

ZebraOwl · 01/12/2021 15:46

I know it’s unlikely with Covid, but is there any chance it might be a friend of one of them?

When I was a teen money vanished from the tin my father left the housekeeping cash in for me. Turned out money was also going missing at a certain friend’s house Hmm A friend of a sibling also thought it was ok to paw through my late grandmother’s jewellery (after discovery by snooping) & “accidentally” almost took some of it. Must be the same sort of accident where she did lift cash & jewellery from umpteen homes.

I hope you can get through the finding-out part soon, or even just getting it to stop without finding out/confrontation. It must be really upsetting to feel that loss of trust; & concern about what’s going on Flowers