Think one of my kids has been stealing my cash

[LarryVeest]

I have a pot with a roll of a few hundred pounds cash, which I add to each week. Every few months or so I go and pay it into the bank, and every now and then I pay eg the window cleaner in cash. I have been a bit lax about tracking the amount over the last 6 months but noticed back in September there was less than I thought, so I started keeping a proper log. Sure enough there have been two times when I've found less than the amount that I expected in there (most recently £60 less).

I don't think it could be anyone outside of the family, as it would take some rummaging to find the pot. I've also double checked with DH that he hasn't spent any of it. I have three kids, the eldest (16) is the most likely culprit (the other younger two don't really go out shopping or hanging out with friends. She's generally a good kid though, and I'm shocked to think she'd actually steal from me!

I'm planning on having a one to one chat with each of them, asking if they know anything about it, but I was wondering if anyone else had been through this, or has any advice about how to handle it.

@LarryVeest my sympathies to you, I can't have cash for this reason, and I'm currently on hold to bank because I've had to cancel my debit card for the 3rd time but now I'll have to cancel the card for my 2nd a/c for the 1st time coz eldest's been helping themselves to that too I've frozen it in the meantime before anyone says the cards have been locked in a safe and we don't share istuff but they still got the details somehow in my experience the police talking to him didn't help either. I don't have a magic answer but you you have my sympathies

ZOMBIE THREAD

@SR13

My 13 year old daughter told me one of her friends had given her a coat. I found out today that had taken my spare keys to my parent's house and safe and stole £900. £770 was used to buy a coat, some was for treats and to buy vapes for her and her friends. She removed the tags and dumped the receipt for the coat so I can't get the money back and am trying to sell it. She knows I would never ever be able to, nor would I ever, spend that sort of money on a coat. She knows we sometimes struggle for money and that my parents have helped me out in the past. My parents are currently in temporary care due to dementia. I have shouted at her, I've spoken calmly and she has apologised and cried. I am absolutely gobsmacked and feel sick work it. I need ideas for teaching her a lesson and to try and make sure she never steals anything again. There's the usual grounding and taking her phone away which she'll moan about, typical teen but any ideas on durations or other punishments that will hit her hard as this is a very serious matter. She loves doing chores by the way so that won't phase her. Thank you

Very sorry to hear this SR13! This is a bigger issue than stealing a few pounds here and there. She obviously planned this out and knew what she was doing when accessing her grandparents home and taking such a large amount from the safe.

I don't really have any advice on how to deal with it but do your parents have a Social Worker involved? Perhaps it would be worth having them have a chat with your daughter about how this would be seen as a safeguarding issue as it is essentially a crime committed against vulnerable people.

What I will say is, the SW is likely to actually initiate safeguarding procedure which would involve joint investigation with the police. Ultimately it would come to nothing more than advising you to ensure she has no Future access to the safe/grandparents house, or at most a referral to complete a course with a local Youth Justice organisation, but it may help her to see the magnitude of the situation?

Perhaps others would think this too harsh - I'm honestly not sure what the best plan of action would be. It's just a pretty bold step for a 13 year old.

Sorry I'm new to this and was trying to post a new thread 🤷‍♀️

@SR13 you can do it , it's easy
Go to the topic section
Click on new thread and start your own
💐

@whoturnedthesunoff

ZOMBIE THREAD

and yet still relevant 🤷🏽‍♀️

I will certainly look into the youth justice part first as I didn't know it was even a thing so thank you. My parents do have a sw so in will speak to them too. I've hidden any keys to the house and changed the code on the keysafe at the front door too 🙂 I still have other things to put in place but it's a start.

It's sickening and doesn't seem real that she could do this

She said it's because some of her friends have expensive coats. I have explained a few times in the past why she/we can't always have what we want and would like, so this is shocking. The vape thing is something else I need to deal with.
She's grounded indefinitely bit maybe for a month to start with, which will also knock the vape thing on the head. I've taken her phone off her, apart from when I'm at work incase she needs to contact me. I know what shop has sold the vapes but I don't know if the police can help with that or will be interested. I've yet to decide what to do once she's not grounded ie ban her from having friends over unless they're meeting her for school. Ban her from going to certain areas 🤷‍♀️ I just don't know

Thank you. I think I've managed to do it

i guess that it could be tempting for a child this age,even though they know it's wrong.

She is 16, an adult, talk to her like one.

Ask her tactfully about it, no accusation , just understanding. Respond in a reasonable way, don’t scream and shout, just discuss the betrayal you feel.

I guarantee if you are telling her you are disappointed but aren’t shouting she will feel awful. But shouting at teens just makes them feel vindicated

Also…she doesn’t need pocket money, she needs a job

Ask her tactfully about it, no accusation , just understanding. Respond in a reasonable way, don’t scream and shout, just discuss the betrayal you feel.

She has 3 children and has decided who is stealing. As a 16 year old, if it wasn’t me and my mum thought it was, I’d have been really upset that she could think that of me. It could be any of them.

Sit them all down, tell them you’ve noticed the money missing and ask them to stop.