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Original poster

Can teachers even do anything about this? Poor DD being bullied by exclusion

76 replies

LadyCleathStuart · 29/11/2021 22:07

My poor DD is 5. A few weeks ago she was having an issue with some girls calling her names. We phoned the school, they spoke to DD and the girls, all good or so we thought.

Now all of the girls (only 5 in her class including her) seem to have turned against her. She says none of them speak to her at all throughout the whole day, the get up and move away if she sits with them at lunch etc.

I am going to phone again tomorrow but in all honesty is there anything they can actually do? They can't make people be her friend can they. I am devastated for her and I don't know how to fix it.

OP posts:
Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 29/11/2021 22:08

At aged 5 yes they should be able to teach them about kindness.
Your poor baby that is heartbreaking.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 29/11/2021 22:10

Poor DD. School can fix it, they can do all sorts with little ones. Keep on at the school and ask them how they plan to tackle this plus foster friends out of school - old mates, join rainbows etc and help her navigate this by bolstering her self confidence in every area

Wbeezer · 29/11/2021 22:11

I would expect the school to help resolve this as they are only 5. Bit different with teens but little ones need guided.

Comedycook · 29/11/2021 22:11

Sorry to hear that....I think exclusion is actually one of the worst forms of bullying because it's so hard to tackle. Out of these girls, are you friendly with any of their mums...I'd be inclined to try to organise a playdate with one of them.

MuguetRose · 29/11/2021 22:11

I'd tell the teacher. Yes exclusion is considered a type of bullying. I think I've seen it included on school bullying policies. It's not like your dd has the option to find other friends to play with if they are all doing it

LolaSmiles · 29/11/2021 22:11

The school can and should deal with bullying.

They can't force everyone to be friends and play together in the playground, but they can make it clear that certain behaviours are not acceptable.

foxgoosefinch · 29/11/2021 22:13

Agree with pp, school need to be doting this and they will have strategies to deal with it. Definitely get on to them ASAP and ask for a meeting with her teacher tomorrow - don’t underplay how bad it’s making her feel. Poor kid, I hope things get better for her soon. Flowers

foxgoosefinch · 29/11/2021 22:13

*dealing with this

incognitodorrito · 29/11/2021 22:14

If this is an independent school, I’d consider pulling your little one out.

Whatinthelord · 29/11/2021 22:15

@LolaSmiles

The school can and should deal with bullying.

They can't force everyone to be friends and play together in the playground, but they can make it clear that certain behaviours are not acceptable.

I agree. I’m sure they could also arrange activities, group work to mix up the groups a little so there is more mixing.

This is so sad. I really hope it gets sorted.

Is the issue that the girls have paired off and she has been left as a ‘spare’ or are they actually purposely ignoring her.

Does she have any friendship in her class you can try to encourage via play dates etc.

Original poster
LadyCleathStuart · 29/11/2021 22:15

Thank you for the replies. She goes to rainbows already but none of the girls from school go. I know one parent but her child is very much the instigator and I suspect she doesn't help matters so I would rather avoid.

It is honestly heartbreaking, she has asked to change schools but she has only just started and I have an older DC at the same school so it would complicate things but if needs must...

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 29/11/2021 22:17

Is it a one form entry school? Did she know any of the girls before starting? I would look at moving class or school in January if the school aren't able to sort this.

Original poster
LadyCleathStuart · 29/11/2021 22:18

I don't think it is a case of the others pairing off, they all seem to play together. DD just isn't allowed to play apparently.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyCleathStuart · 29/11/2021 22:19

she knew one of the girl before she started, they got on well but it turned sour, that little girl was the instigator of the name calling.

OP posts:
MrsBison · 29/11/2021 22:22

Any extra activity/efforts by the school/teachers will only make it worse tbh...or the form of bullying will change...been there myself.

You just need to teach/tell your daughter to be herself and stand up for herself in all circumstances

Howshouldibehave · 29/11/2021 22:25

A class with only 4 other girls?! How many boys are there?

That actually sounds like a place I wouldn’t want my kids to attend.

DelurkingAJ · 29/11/2021 22:26

What about the boys? DS2 seems to have spent all of YR playing ‘Mummies, Daddies, Hairdressers and Dogs’ with a mixed mob. And his best mate now they’re in Y1 is a girl.

HamCob · 29/11/2021 22:26

In your position I would be tempted to move her. One form entry schools can be very tricky in terms of friendship groups being dominated by 'queen bee' type characters. It's even worse if there are only 5 girls as the relationships will be even more intense. You daughter potentially has another 6 years of this and I would worry that over time these girls could chip away at her confidence and self esteem.
If it's possible then maybe start looking locally at schools with a larger intake where she has a better chance of forming healthy friendships.

ImFree2doasiwant · 29/11/2021 22:27

This is terrible. They're 5?? Can she play with the boys?

The school.absolutely should be addressing this.

Original poster
LadyCleathStuart · 29/11/2021 22:29

She says she is playing with one of the boys but she is a very girly girl and wants to play with them.

I will speak to the teacher tomorrow and see how it goes.

OP posts:
SpaceshiptoMars · 29/11/2021 22:31

I don't think a child can do much to 'stand up' to exclusion by a whole class. One other child has managed to spellbind/terrify all the others to do this to her. The teacher can take action, maybe, but a five yr old is going to find this very hard.

An older child can wall off and hyperfocus on their studies until the others get bored. Can a 5yr old? You'd need to train her to act nonchalant, don't care, prefer my own company, better things to do. Perhaps an acting tutor could help with this?

GoGoGretaDoll · 29/11/2021 22:36

This can be a huge issue with small classes/small numbers of one sex. My DS's primary was like this and a girl usually left every year (we seem to have an incredibly high birth rate of boys round here) to go to the nearby much bigger school because of friendship issues with less than 4 girls in the class. It's not on, but school seemed unable to tackle it. I would think about moving her, they all seemed so much happier after they left.

Howshouldibehave · 29/11/2021 22:37

How many children are in the class, @LadyCleathStuart?

Mischance · 29/11/2021 22:42

The school where I am governor has a special bench in the playground where you can go and sit if you are feeling lonely or left out - it is an absolute rule that if you are there any child passing, whatever class they might be in, must stop and help you. The playground supervisors keep an eye on it and make sure no child walks past it and does nothing.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/11/2021 22:48

I would actually take a different approach to the comments above.

Why are they excluding her?

That's the first thing to find out for me.

Anecdote coming up about my own dd, which may have no bearing on your own dd whatsoever but here we go. No one wanted to play with her when she was 5. That wasn't a surprise. I saw how she played. Bossy, took over everything, always had to be her ideas. I wouldn't have wanted to play with her either.