In case you are wondering.. NO I STILL DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE KIDS WANT FOR CHRISTMAS.

[AuntLucy]

I am asked by relatives every day. Multiple times every day. By text, Whatsapp. By call. Several calls even. I don't know. They're teenagers. They don't know. And its still November. It is not an emergency. Bung a tenner in a card. Or don't. I don't care. I have 90 gifts to negotiate, source and fucking wrap and onward distribute for all of you lot. And I work. I an busy. LEAVE ME ALONE. So if any of you are wondering what my teenagers want for Xmas, please for the love of sweet jesus DON'T ASK ME. I DONT KNOW.

Wow what I would give to be asked what my dd wants for Christmas by relatives !! Her GP's are either long gone or in care homes and we are a tiny family anyway.

I think I can top this. Every year my parents ask me what they should buy for Christmas for each other .

They've been married for 50 years, surely they can ask each other by now?

My dcs are younger and don't know what they want really yet. Ive snapped and put a couple of catalogues out in the hope they'll get inspiration.

My dcs dont watch much TV with adverts anymore- in the last 18 months they just stopped watching live TV. They have barely been inside other children's houses since covid started, playdates have happened at the park, so they've not seen other kids' toys. They haven't been taken to shopping malls and the supermarkets seem to have cut back their toy sections with a move to click and collect, but that also means they haven't seen toys to know what they want.

I've got to think of stuff for them rather than just order a shopping list. Which is lovely in one way, but a lot harder!!!

At least you have people who care

YABU saying you have to 'source' presents

I say 'cash' to my mum and I get "but I want to buy them something". Which I understand, but she used to moan about the exact same thing with my grandparents when I was a teenager

Why do have 90 gifts to buy? If you don't want to buy them why do it? And yes just say they'd love cash thanks very much.

I also feel your pain...
one year I set up a what's app group so he could add links

It was all linked to the supreme website
🤣

He got cash in card from that year on

@girlmom21
She's going to drink milk and shit herself and wake up from naps at inconvenient times
Well that's me and half the adults in my family on Christmas Day. Except of course the "milk" is wine or Baileys, and the odd whisky.

OP, buying 90 gifts is madness, unless you actively delight in it which you clearly don't. I can't even imagine how many friends & family that covers - not even my Irish Catholic extended family tree could muster 90 people for Christmas gift buying.

I too don't like gifting vouchers or cash and prefer something personal, which is slightly trickier when living thousands of miles away. I have given up with older kids in family and agree to contribute funds to a bigger item if they are saving for something. If they don't let me know what it is then too bad, they get something I like. (Or nothing, if ungrateful entitled toads).

Just say money, chocolate etc. I'm loathe to say gift cards or vouchers in case the shop goes into receivership or something!

I’m completely with you OP. I don’t want to put an order in for my gift or my kids gifts. Asking what we enjoy is fine if you’re stuck but people literally want a link sometimes!

It’s all a big farce this way. Might as well all just buy ourselves what we want and save all the gift-wrap and fuel.

Oh god, I've been getting this from in laws for six weeks now. I get it every year. DH tries to pre-empt it but they end up coming to me anyway - whilst also wanting to know what I want and what DH wants.

They won't just accept general idea either. If I go back and "clothes and books" please, I get "what sort of clothes? Which books?" Tell them that, and then get "where from? Can you send me a link?" Do that, and I get "Right, I've ordered it and sent it to you. You need to be in on Tuesday for the delivery. Oh, and it's not wrapped so you'll have to do it."

And yet, if I ask them to just give cash, I get "oh no, I want to get them a proper present!" Fine, then you bloody it then!!!

I feel better for getting that off my chest.

My poor mum had it double with me "what does Trapped want for Christmas?" " I don't know"....." Well ok what does she want for her birthday (Dec 25th)?" Dad always said he could practically see her mentally screaming " I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!!!"

They won't just accept general idea either. If I go back and "clothes and books" please, I get "what sort of clothes? Which books?"

I don't think it's that unreasonable to ask what types of clothes/ what brands they might like. Also, unless they have access to your kid's bookshelves then there's a good chance they'll end up getting something they already have.

Or just message and say either: not sure, now they're teens ask them directly / I don't think there's anything in particular, if you're happy to give money then that would be appreciated.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

Oh god, I've been getting this from in laws for six weeks now. I get it every year. DH tries to pre-empt it but they end up coming to me anyway - whilst also wanting to know what I want and what DH wants.

They won't just accept general idea either. If I go back and "clothes and books" please, I get "what sort of clothes? Which books?" Tell them that, and then get "where from? Can you send me a link?" Do that, and I get "Right, I've ordered it and sent it to you. You need to be in on Tuesday for the delivery. Oh, and it's not wrapped so you'll have to do it."

And yet, if I ask them to just give cash, I get "oh no, I want to get them a proper present!" Fine, then you bloody it then!!!

I feel better for getting that off my chest.

How do they know what books you have and what clothes they'll like though if no one says

I feel you op. Father in law started asking in October before my DC’s birthday. He didn’t bother to get them a card or present for their birthdays apparently such occasions are not important however he likes to get them a Christmas present and money or vouchers are not an acceptable option. He asks me, I say money, he then asks DH, DH will say something random to keep him happy. We have had drones for the last three years, never played with. It’s all about FIL and what he wants not what the DC want ( money)

YANBU. This thread is clearly full of people who repeatedly hassle others instead of thinking for themselves and are feeling defensive about it

I do get it OP.

One of my kids has a December birthday so I’ve to think of double the presents for him from loads of relatives. I tell them he doesn’t need much but they want to give him presents, which I get. It’s just I have to give so much mental effort to thinking of stuff! Thankfully they all give decent useful presents but if I or they suggest an item of clothing, I then get texts asking what brand, what type of tracksuit bottom, what football team etc etc and then the texts asking what size he is so I have to check the particular website and tell them. He is 13 and wears mostly sports gear but they often don’t go by age but s/m/l etc.

It’s ok OP, if your DC are like mine then they will tell you what they desperately want around 3pm on Christmas Eve, so you can pass the massage on then

Ours get told cash or voucher for xyz shop, and some chocolate. If they want ideas if actual things to actually open then they can spend some time with says kids and work it out for themselves.

I find this hard enough when relatives ask me. The things I want are too expensive to ask for but it seems rude to say vouchers.

Typos, gah, sorry am woolly headed with a cold.

@User5252727

YANBU. This thread is clearly full of people who repeatedly hassle others instead of thinking for themselves and are feeling defensive about it

No, I don't think that's true. I don't ask my family - I love choosing toys for young kids and am happy to give the teenagers cash.

I do get asked by some family members what to get for my kids and that's fine. It really isn't that hard to tell people what my kids are interested in or what they need.

@Incywinceyspider

My DS is a lot younger but I love it when people ask this. It means I can coordinate to a degree and we can avoid a mountain of tat.

Every teenager in my life is getting cash and a big chocolate reindeer. Job done.

Unless you have family like mine that ask for multiple ideas and then don't let you if they are getting them. So how can you know to get them yourself or tell someone else.

I wish my relatives would accept 'cash' or 'gift voucher' as an answer to this question. They refuse because they have to have something to open. I wouldn't mind but my own DPs gave me cash for every Christmas and Birthday from the age of about 12. Not good enough for their grandchildren though