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Original poster

My Narcissistic birth person flung me out at 15. Ask me anything

94 replies

StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 03:39

Apologies if this is the wrong section to post in. As per the title my birth person kicked me out when I was 15 in the 1990s please feel free to ask me anything you like.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:23

@LynetteScavo

If you were 15 why did your school not intervene? I know this sounds like I'm being a dick, but I went to rough high school in the 80s and can how see something like this could be ignored so it's a genuine question. Did you even go to school.

Of course you're still angry. You were angry then (which, I'm guessing, is why people didn't help you - they failed to recognise your vulnerability Sad) and personally I think I would be angry for a very long time!

The primary and secondary school I went to did nothing. At secondary school my guidance teacher contacted social services who done nothing. I was failed on so many levels.

The person who gave birth to me lied to everyone about my behaviour. For example in primary school I had constantly sore stomachs and was sick/loose stools daily. I got no medical help and she told the school to ignore me as I was making it up.

I don't feel anger for a long time I did. From time to time I do feel so sorry for myself that I didn't have a childhood like other people.

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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:25

@ancientgran

I have GC living with me for similar reasons (no sexual abuse though) and I'm glad they have me and DH. I figure I've got two years before they go to uni to undo the damage, it is going well.

I'm sorry you had no one to step up for you.

I am so sorry to read about your GC and I hope they are doing well. You sound like a lovely person. Sending hugs and good wishes for the future.
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:27

@Littlesnail

Did your dad help you when this all happened back in the 90s?
My dad left when I was only months old and I've never seen him again. None of his family ever kept in touch.
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Insidelaurashead · 28/11/2021 16:27

I've been involved with a narcissist. OP is entitled to feel however she wants to feel. It is NOT for anyone else to tell her how she should or shouldn't feel or should or shouldn't handle something. OP, I hope you know now, without question, that everything the narc did is on them, not you

Skyll · 28/11/2021 16:29

I am glad things are better for you now.

Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:33

@BleuJay

Have you managed to reach the point where you have taken control of your own destiny and not allowed the past to hold you back?

So many with bad childhood experiences struggle to let go of the past and allow it to colour their present and future life.

That's very true and for years I was like that. I have thankfully reached the point where it's in the past. My husband, gp and mental health consultant have all been excellent. About 7 years ago we moved to a different part of the country and my new gp asked me in for a health review. Everything spilled out and I am so lucky to have received the support I did. It took time and working through things was hard and I fell into deep depression with suicidal thoughts. Thankfully I am now in a place of calm.
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:33

@flapjackfairy

Wow what a lot to endure at such a young age. What a testament to you that you have been a good mum and built a family of your own. I hope life treats you v well for the rest of your days.
Thank you 💐
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Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 28/11/2021 16:35

I’m so sorry OP. For what it’s worth, I think we can let go of anger and move forward and still find flashes of grief or anger come back at times. It’s very normal and (without sounding too airy fairy) we need to lean into self compassion when that happens rather than dismiss it. You’re perfectly entitled to have feelings of anger or sadness. It doesn’t mean you’re living in the past.

Glad you have happiness and love in your life now.

Wookiewoo29 · 28/11/2021 16:37

Why did the council, charities and social services not want to know and say it was your fault? What did they expect you to do?

Must have been incredibly tough and I think you are very strong and brave to have got through such a horrific time!

Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:37

@Feduphairymclary

I don't have a question but just wanted to express my sympathy. I was kicked out at 17 in the 90s because I told my mum to fuck off - knowing full well that word was banned (along with cunt, the only other taboo word). I was arguing with her about my boyfriend, and she expected me to go live with him. I was lucky that my gran took me in and I lived with her for over a year while I worked.

I've been reflecting on that as my DS had reached adulthood and I can't imagine a scenario where he would say a word commonly used in the English language and I would decide I couldn't live with him any more. Even if it was directed at me. I am horrified that at 15, you were subjected to the horror of sticking up for yourself and your mum, and that courageous act had you on the streets. Suddenly my own situation doesn't look so bad. Flowers

I am so sorry to read about what you went through 💐 I know what you mean, I look at my dc and couldn't imagine saying horrible words to them or kicking them out.
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:38

@PomRuns

Sorry this happened to you OP, some people are utterly shit and put their needs above their child's.
Thank you 💐
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Helpstopthepain · 28/11/2021 16:42

I’m really sorry that you went through that. No child should ever be treated like that.

If you could go back in time as an adult What would your advice be to your 15 year old self?

30whatacrock · 28/11/2021 16:45

@ShrikeAttack

Ok. I had some shitty times in the 90s. And some great ones.

I've worked through it. Is there any reason you're still pissed off?

It's a long time to still be annoyed.

What a disgusting comment. Have some empathy and compassion.
Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:47

@MichonnesBBF

So many twattish responses on this thread Angry Sorry for what you have been through OP, so pleased to hear you have made a life for yourself despite the horrid things you had to endure first Flowers Is the birth person still alive and do you know how her life turned out?
Thank you 💐

Yeah she's still alive. For years I tried to maintain a relationship with her. I wanted the mother/daughter bond. I wanted her to love me. She's incapable of loving or caring for her own children. She lives in a complete fantasy world and has re written the past to suit her. She puts a good front on to everyone she knows that shes a great person.

Out of the blue recently she sent me a letter saying shes in ill health. I just binned it and got on with my life.

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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:47

@bluebell34567

where was your own father op? the other birth person.

you have been through a lot and i feel sorry for that Flowers. it must have been very difficult. nobody deserves that.

happy that you found your way and have a happy family life now.

Thank you 💐
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:58

@MrsLarry

I don't have anything to ask, but just wanted to send some love and understanding. I was 17 when my narcissistic "mother" threw me out. I was a good kid, had a full-time job, abided by all household rules (however unreasonable they were). It was her way of trying to control me because she couldn't stand that I was growing up and seeing the big wide world out there and realising that her controlling way wasn't always right. She'd bullied me mercilessly all my life.....i was the scapegoat child. She'd thrown me out numerous times, only to then ring the police playing the victim of this horrible child. Unfortunately in the 80s there was very little help and understanding for people in my position......everyone believed the parent. On this occasion I decided I'd had enough, I moved into my own flat and went NC. She tried to decimate my character to everyone who'd listen, she lied constantly about me, and even followed me down the street shouting abuse at me for the next 30 years! I was no contact for the rest of her life (she died a few years back)

I have a wonderful life. My own home, lots of lovely friends, a fantastic husband and, most of all an amazing son who I could never ever make feel the way she made me feel. I've never needed her.

Some of the judgmental comments on here make me sick. Try and imagine what it must feel like for a child to be put in such a position. For a child to feel so unloved and unwanted. It isn't always the child's fault.....there are some horrific 'parents' out there! It's only natural that you carry the after effects with you for the rest of your life (and counselling isn't easy to come by).

I am so sorry to read this 💐 the person who gave birth to me was exactly the same.

I am thankful and glad you have a lovely life now. The life you have now is a credit to you.

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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:59

@alwayswrighty

Best advice I was ever given was that the best revenge is to live life well.

I think you are living proof of that and you should be immensely proud of yourself.

I would agree with that advice. Thank you 💐
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Arethechildreninbedyet · 28/11/2021 17:04

@Pyewackect

What is a birth person ?
She means her Mother, however I use that phrase loosely as a person capable of treating their child like that does not deserve the title of parent.
Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 17:05

@Thelnebriati

I was kicked out at 17 and had no choice but to move in with my older boyfriend. My parents took my savings (my leaving home money from Saturday and holiday jobs) and used to to pay a bill, so I had no money. I couldn't finish A levels or go to university and it changed the course of my life. I spent the next few years being homeless or in insecure accommodation, in low paid jobs. I'm also NC with my family. I'm no longer angry about it, but I'm not going to ignore the fact that my life could have been very different if I'd had an education.
I am so sorry you went through this 💐 and i am so sorry that your family took away your choice of education and a life that might have been.

I had low paid jobs also. When I reached my early 20s I went to college and got educated at Higher level then went to University to study Nursing. I worked as a nurse for years and now I have my own company.

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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 17:08

@ESGdance

Do you have siblings or other extended family connections?
The other family members were all batshit crazy. I went nc with them years ago, they didn't do anything at all to help me in any way. I have siblings were are all nc with each other and some of them are nc with her.

So many lifes impacted by one woman.

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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 17:10

@Insidelaurashead

I've been involved with a narcissist. OP is entitled to feel however she wants to feel. It is NOT for anyone else to tell her how she should or shouldn't feel or should or shouldn't handle something. OP, I hope you know now, without question, that everything the narc did is on them, not you
For years I blamed myself and wondered what was wrong with me to make her not love me. I now know it's all on her and not me.
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 17:11

@Skyll

I am glad things are better for you now.
Thank you 💐
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 17:12

@Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss

I’m so sorry OP. For what it’s worth, I think we can let go of anger and move forward and still find flashes of grief or anger come back at times. It’s very normal and (without sounding too airy fairy) we need to lean into self compassion when that happens rather than dismiss it. You’re perfectly entitled to have feelings of anger or sadness. It doesn’t mean you’re living in the past.

Glad you have happiness and love in your life now.

Thank you 💐

Yeah you are so right and they tought me this in therapy to embrace my feelings and work through them rather than ignoring.

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RAOK · 28/11/2021 17:14

I’m so sorry there was no one there to help you when you needed it most - family members or professionals. I’m appalled that your school, charities and other authorities did nothing at all to help a homeless 15 year old child. You must’ve felt so frightened and alone. I don’t have a question that hasn’t already been answered but you (and the others on this thread who have been in a similar situation) sound remarkable.

Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 17:15

@Wookiewoo29

Why did the council, charities and social services not want to know and say it was your fault? What did they expect you to do?

Must have been incredibly tough and I think you are very strong and brave to have got through such a horrific time!

It was incredibly difficult and I believed at that time everything was my fault and I was to blame. I do have anger at those who didn't help or support me. Sometimes I think about writing a letter but I know I will probably get no admission from them. Thank you for your kind words 💐
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