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Original poster

My Narcissistic birth person flung me out at 15. Ask me anything

94 replies

StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 03:39

Apologies if this is the wrong section to post in. As per the title my birth person kicked me out when I was 15 in the 1990s please feel free to ask me anything you like.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:22

@groovergirl

Were you able to finish school?
I tried to keep going but had no money for travel etc so I stopped going.
OP posts:
Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:23

@Pyewackect

What is a birth person ?
The person who gave birth to me. I don't call her mum, mother etc because she's not.
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:24

Thanks very much Krabapple. Life is normal and stable for me now.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:26

@R0tational

Hugs OP. You have had a really difficult time of it Sad How are you now? Are you settled somewhere warm and homely with friends who love you?
Thank you, yeah I am in my 40s now with my own family.
OP posts:
ancientgran · 28/11/2021 11:27

I have GC living with me for similar reasons (no sexual abuse though) and I'm glad they have me and DH. I figure I've got two years before they go to uni to undo the damage, it is going well.

I'm sorry you had no one to step up for you.

Littlesnail · 28/11/2021 11:27

Did your dad help you when this all happened back in the 90s?

Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:28

@HollyBollyBooBoo

God what a horrific thing to go through. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Have you found contentment now?
It took a long time and I have had depression in the past because of it. I have found contentment since I went nc with my family nearly 10 years ago. When I went nc, I went through a few years of grief but came out the other side stronger.
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youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/11/2021 11:32

@ShrikeAttack

I don't mean to be a dick, This happened to my husband after his mother died.

It's entirely possible for you to find satisfaction. You're obviously still angry but you don't have to remain angry.

Your comments are unbelievably dickish though. And dismissive of OP's feelings. Maybe think before you post in future.
BleuJay · 28/11/2021 11:32

Have you managed to reach the point where you have taken control of your own destiny and not allowed the past to hold you back?

So many with bad childhood experiences struggle to let go of the past and allow it to colour their present and future life.

Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:33

@Soubriquet

I’m sorry to hear this OP

Are you still in contact with your BP?

To PP, it doesn’t sound like this was a mother at all probably why OP is referring to them as a birth person

Yeah that's right. She didn't have any mothering qualities at all. Her priority was her partner and she gave him all her money for alcohol as he was an alcoholic. I didn't get even the basics such as clothes, shoes. No I went nc around 10 years ago.
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:37

@topcat2014

The OP is being generous. I would not even use person.

I loathe adults who cannot prioritise the child over whatever scumbag they are currently shagging

Me too. She always put whatever guy was in her life first before anything. Her long term partner used to leave frequently and she would take up with someone else in between. I was left in the house myself day and overnight frequently so she could go out clubbing.
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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:40

@MultiStorey

At what point did things start to turn around for you?
When I was 18 and I fell pregnant with my son. The local council gave me a flat and I signed onto benefits. I was petrified that I wouldn't be able to be a mum. Thankfully I fell in love with him instantly.
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flapjackfairy · 28/11/2021 11:44

Wow what a lot to endure at such a young age. What a testament to you that you have been a good mum and built a family of your own. I hope life treats you v well for the rest of your days.

Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 11:46

@WildStallyn

How long were you homeless for and what happened next/how didnyou get out of it?
It was around a few months. When I turned 16 I got my own flat and signed onto benefits. That flat wasn't safe as the neighbor's used to fight, bang on my door at all times. I had no money to furnish it or buy anything for it.

From 16 to 18. I got in with the wrong crowd and started taking occasional drugs and drinking.

I was evicted from this flat when I was around 17 and a half and went back to sofa surfing. The reason I was evicted was because anytime I had people in the neighbor's (who screamed, were alcoholics, had fights all the time) would report me to the housing association.

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HollowTalk · 28/11/2021 11:50

@ShrikeAttack

Ok. I had some shitty times in the 90s. And some great ones.

I've worked through it. Is there any reason you're still pissed off?

It's a long time to still be annoyed.

That's not very kind. The OP was homeless due to an abusive family situation. That can be very hard to get over.
Feduphairymclary · 28/11/2021 11:53

I don't have a question but just wanted to express my sympathy. I was kicked out at 17 in the 90s because I told my mum to fuck off - knowing full well that word was banned (along with cunt, the only other taboo word). I was arguing with her about my boyfriend, and she expected me to go live with him. I was lucky that my gran took me in and I lived with her for over a year while I worked.

I've been reflecting on that as my DS had reached adulthood and I can't imagine a scenario where he would say a word commonly used in the English language and I would decide I couldn't live with him any more. Even if it was directed at me. I am horrified that at 15, you were subjected to the horror of sticking up for yourself and your mum, and that courageous act had you on the streets. Suddenly my own situation doesn't look so bad. Flowers

PomRuns · 28/11/2021 12:01

Sorry this happened to you OP, some people are utterly shit and put their needs above their child's.

MichonnesBBF · 28/11/2021 12:06

So many twattish responses on this thread Angry
Sorry for what you have been through OP, so pleased to hear you have made a life for yourself despite the horrid things you had to endure first Flowers
Is the birth person still alive and do you know how her life turned out?

bluebell34567 · 28/11/2021 12:10

where was your own father op? the other birth person.

you have been through a lot and i feel sorry for that Flowers. it must have been very difficult. nobody deserves that.

happy that you found your way and have a happy family life now.

MrsLarry · 28/11/2021 12:13

I don't have anything to ask, but just wanted to send some love and understanding. I was 17 when my narcissistic "mother" threw me out. I was a good kid, had a full-time job, abided by all household rules (however unreasonable they were). It was her way of trying to control me because she couldn't stand that I was growing up and seeing the big wide world out there and realising that her controlling way wasn't always right. She'd bullied me mercilessly all my life.....i was the scapegoat child. She'd thrown me out numerous times, only to then ring the police playing the victim of this horrible child. Unfortunately in the 80s there was very little help and understanding for people in my position......everyone believed the parent. On this occasion I decided I'd had enough, I moved into my own flat and went NC. She tried to decimate my character to everyone who'd listen, she lied constantly about me, and even followed me down the street shouting abuse at me for the next 30 years! I was no contact for the rest of her life (she died a few years back)

I have a wonderful life. My own home, lots of lovely friends, a fantastic husband and, most of all an amazing son who I could never ever make feel the way she made me feel. I've never needed her.

Some of the judgmental comments on here make me sick. Try and imagine what it must feel like for a child to be put in such a position. For a child to feel so unloved and unwanted. It isn't always the child's fault.....there are some horrific 'parents' out there! It's only natural that you carry the after effects with you for the rest of your life (and counselling isn't easy to come by).

alwayswrighty · 28/11/2021 12:23

Best advice I was ever given was that the best revenge is to live life well.

I think you are living proof of that and you should be immensely proud of yourself.

Thelnebriati · 28/11/2021 12:24

I was kicked out at 17 and had no choice but to move in with my older boyfriend. My parents took my savings (my leaving home money from Saturday and holiday jobs) and used to to pay a bill, so I had no money. I couldn't finish A levels or go to university and it changed the course of my life. I spent the next few years being homeless or in insecure accommodation, in low paid jobs. I'm also NC with my family.
I'm no longer angry about it, but I'm not going to ignore the fact that my life could have been very different if I'd had an education.

ESGdance · 28/11/2021 13:07

Do you have siblings or other extended family connections?

Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:14

@Sunnysidegold

Who was the first person you got help from?

When did you get hope that things would get better?

I always had to hold on to a deep hope that my life would get better and a realisation that it was all down to me to make it happen. For a long time I had barriers up and it was me against the world.

The first person to listen to me, acknowledge my feelings and help me was my husband.

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Original poster
StarryNightSparkles · 28/11/2021 16:15

@ChrisPriss

I don't have a question for you but I'm horrified at what you went through, and I wish you every happiness for the rest of your life x
That's so kind of you 💐 thank you very much. X
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