Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I'm off sick this week and today I have

81 replies

QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 13:17

  • got the washing and ironing up straight
  • made a start on some online Christmas shopping
  • arranged a counsellor for DS1
  • booked a table for DS2 and I to go out for dinner tonight
  • arranged a social event to look forward to next weekend
  • done the IHT declaration for DH's estate
  • finally applied for probate
  • finally spoken to the right people about his army pension
  • arranged for the house deeds to be amended
  • Now I'm off to collect an order from the butcher

I've been very honest with work, admitted I've been limping on for the last few weeks and that I'm not coping so well and asked for some time to regroup, which they've been very good about. I've been putting off some of these things for 4 months and it feels soooo good to get them done, although I know some will disapprove that I've done it in sick time.

I might go for a walk in the woods after the butcher and then see if my mum's in for a cuppa Smile

This time has done me the world of good but almost impossible to get in the usual course of thing. For the first time in ages I'm looking forward to the weekend and raring to go for Monday.

OP posts:
Mantlemoose · 26/11/2021 13:20

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.

TheSpottedZebra · 26/11/2021 13:23

So sorry for your loss.

Do you think you took enough time off after his death, or do you think there was a sort of delayed reaction so to speak?

At work, often people want to come back to work after a bereavement, but then it seems to catch up with them a bit later. Maybe splitting bereavement leave is a good idea?

I hope you're doing well.

Original poster
QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 13:23

Nice. Did you miss the bit where my husband died? The doctor would have signed me off for the last 4 months if I'd asked, I probably should have but I've limped on. I work in school, holiday isn't an option. Thankfully my employer is more sympathetic though.

OP posts:
YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 26/11/2021 13:24

Sounds like you’ve had a recent bereavement? I’m so if so. Must have been devastating and you’ve probably been very stressed and running on empty.

I’m glad you work for an employer who understands mental health and stress - it’s clearly helped you. Good to hear your back on track.

MrsRonaldUlyssesSwanson · 26/11/2021 13:25

YANBU. I've done something similar recently and am now back at work at full speed. Ive been more effective this week than I have in months and my employer was very supportive. You'll get negative comments on this, ignore them.

Sprostongreen21 · 26/11/2021 13:26

@Mantlemoose

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.
From reading the Ops post I’ve gathered her husband has probably passed away in recent months.

Bereavement is very difficult and can affect our mental health and ability to function. Mental health struggles are a valid reason to be off sick. She has discussed it with her employer and they are ok with it.

Op having all that off your to do list is a great weight off your shoulders.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 26/11/2021 13:26

Well done!
I hope you enjoy your meal - that sounds lovely

HesterLee · 26/11/2021 13:26

Well done. I think sick time is totally appropriate. Getting those tasks done has helped you feel better. Sick leave is for mental ealth as well as physical health.

Jinglefox · 26/11/2021 13:26

Well done @QualityChecked. Sorry for your loss.

MrsRonaldUlyssesSwanson · 26/11/2021 13:27

Cross posted with your latest post, I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is complicated, take the time you need and definitely no need to feel guilty about this

Original poster
QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 13:28

@TheSpottedZebra

So sorry for your loss.

Do you think you took enough time off after his death, or do you think there was a sort of delayed reaction so to speak?

At work, often people want to come back to work after a bereavement, but then it seems to catch up with them a bit later. Maybe splitting bereavement leave is a good idea?

I hope you're doing well.

Yes, after nursing a very sick bedbound man for many months, I was glad to get back "normal". As awful as it sounds, when he died it was a relief. A relief not to have to do it anymore but also that he was no longer suffering so much. It was the man in stuck in the bed in pain who died.

Now things are getting back to normal it's the husband and father who is missing from our lives and it's hitting all of us harder than it did initially, I think especially in the run up to Christmas when people are discussing plans etc.

There's no such thing as bereavement leave for us though, beyond a few days around the funeral. It's sick leave.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 26/11/2021 13:29

I see from reading the other posts that your husband has recently passed away but it wasn’t clear to me on the OP, but hopefully you won’t get too many mistaking the situation

Sounds like exactly what you needed. Could you take any more days off for this kind of thing and to get some R&R? Sorry for your loss Flowers

alltalknobaby · 26/11/2021 13:29

I wholehearted approve and applaud you OP for recognising that you needed some time off work instead of continuing to limp on and making yourself worse. Sick leave isn’t only for when we have flu, it’s also for when our mental health is poor. Sorry for your loss Flowers

coodawoodashooda · 26/11/2021 13:33

Enjoy feeling successful and ahead. Work will manage and be all the better for you getting time out.

Original poster
QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 13:33

@alltalknobaby

I wholehearted approve and applaud you OP for recognising that you needed some time off work instead of continuing to limp on and making yourself worse. Sick leave isn’t only for when we have flu, it’s also for when our mental health is poor. Sorry for your loss Flowers
That's exactly what my boss said Smile

It's colleagues who would be Hmm if they knew how I'd spent the time.

OP posts:
CovoidOfAllHumanity · 26/11/2021 13:35

I once took a sick day like that when my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer
My boss actually suggested it because I was not functioning at work; couldn't concentrate, kept crying in the toilets. I would have been far too guilty to do it on my own initiative but I really needed it and benefited from it.
I went on a long walk and had a massage
which I guess are not 'off sick' things to do but that was what helped me at the time
I had young kids and all my annual leave was used for their holiday childcare/ school events/ sick days and I could never take any leave for myself. I also felt I had to bottle up all my emotions at work and at home for the kids and I was going to explode.
Obviously there is a line and people should not take the piss but clearly OP is not doing that. This seems as good a reason for a sick day as a cold/ runny nose/ sore throat at least. I think there should be more acceptance.

Noshowlomo · 26/11/2021 13:36

Grief is complicated and it’s yours. No one else can measure it.
I had 5 months off when my daughter was stillborn and it’s coming up to her 5th birthday and it’s ALL coming back and I have a feeling I’ll be off work soon, I feel like my head will explode with it all.
But no one should judge you. It’s nice to have good days when youre grieving.
Sending you my love OP x

Original poster
QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 13:37

@ShirleyPhallus

I see from reading the other posts that your husband has recently passed away but it wasn’t clear to me on the OP, but hopefully you won’t get too many mistaking the situation

Sounds like exactly what you needed. Could you take any more days off for this kind of thing and to get some R&R? Sorry for your loss Flowers

Does it really matter what the reason is that I wasn't coping though?
OP posts:
JustFrustrated · 26/11/2021 13:38

Firstly. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I know how I'd react if DH died, I'd go into robot mode, sort all the practicalities and make sure the kids and his mum were okay. For about 4 weeks.

Then I'd crumble and break. So I think you're doing amazingly

Secondly, sick leave covers mental health too. And that is often worse when we have a back log of tasks. It all builds up. So yes, you've used it appropriately even with out your recent loss.

My condolences, and well done! I hope you and your children have a Christmas, as good as CNA be x

Marimaur · 26/11/2021 13:40

OP it’s totally fine, there’s no need to explain yourself. I hate the attitude of the first reply. I’m really sorry for your loss.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/11/2021 13:44

@QualityChecked yes I think it does, not coping due to work pressure is one thing but not coping due to a very close bereavement is a different thing and should be treated even more sympathetically. I was just pointing out that it wasn’t clear from your OP, as people may not be familiar with certain terms etc, and you picked up another poster for not realising your DH had passed away. I didn’t want you to get a load of posts berating your for not using annual leave or somethjng because they also hadn’t realised the situation!

Again, sympathies for your loss Flowers

megletthesecond · 26/11/2021 13:48

Yanbu. I only catch up when I'm off sick. I had a minor op 4 years ago and was off for 4 weeks. My house and paperwork was so organised.

SpiceRat · 26/11/2021 14:03

@Mantlemoose

Yep I disapprove you should have taken holiday or unpaid leave imo. Being off sick is to rest and recuperate nit to get a backlog of personal stuff done.
Bellend statements aside, resting / recuperating looks different to everyone. OP crossing things off a to do list and going for a cuppa is exactly that.
Bluetrews25 · 26/11/2021 14:04

Well done, Quality, I have no problem with that.
Getting things sorted will help your MH, in the same way that a day in bed with chicken soup will help the flu. You did what you needed to do to start to improve.
It's great that you have an understanding boss. They have obviously learned that the way to get the best from their team is to give a little, then the (appreciative) staff will be inclined to work well, and maybe even go the extra mile when needed.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 26/11/2021 14:05

You know what, have some time for you , so sorry for your loss 🌺

Swipe left for the next trending thread